


The Wedding Date

by Multiple_Universes



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Aftercare, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Doctor Katsuki Yuuri, Dom/sub Undertones, Domestic Fluff, Explicit Sexual Content, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Falling In Love, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kink Exploration, M/M, Meet-Cute, Mutual Pining, Romantic Comedy, Skater Victor Nikiforov, Slow Burn, Smut, book AU, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-09-18 21:34:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 53,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20319853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multiple_Universes/pseuds/Multiple_Universes
Summary: The agreement was simple – pretend to be dating for one weekend and one weekend only. It wasn’t supposed to last longer. It wasn’t supposed to turn into true love. But it did.Or, how to go from strangers stuck in an elevator to lovers in a few easy steps with some help from your friends.





	1. Victor

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is based loosely on the book “The Wedding Date” by Jasmine Guillory. I realized when I read it that it would make for a cute AU. I also realized recently that I hadn’t written the fake dating trope before and thought I’d give it a go.
> 
> I noticed that a lot of YA novels like to name chapters after the character whose point of view we get in that chapter and I thought I would try it out. (No idea if it's a good idea or not, I guess we'll see what happens.)

Many people believe that there are no such things as miracles, that everything in life is down to luck and the person’s ability to make use of their circumstances. For the most part, they are right, but sometimes Fate gets her act together and lines up a dozen or so little things – choices, accidents, what have you – and a miracle does occur. Someone choses to take a different route, or they stay somewhere a little longer and things go a different way. This is how that one in a million chance comes up. This is how two people that would otherwise never have met stumble into each other.

Victor Nikiforov had been to Moscow many times before. He knew the city very well. Once there had been a time when, if he needed to stay in the city overnight, he had lots of family and friends that would have been more than happy to help him. Now, for the first time, he was stuck taking a room in a hotel. It felt odd. More than odd, there was a certain wrongness about it, as if he was cheating on someone.

He went through the check-in process first wondering if the hotel staff would recognize him and then worrying that they didn’t and what that meant. Finally, everything was done and he walked away, armed with the key to his room.

_It’s just for a weekend, _he told himself as he made for the elevators, _and the room should be good. Besides, _he added mentally as he pushed the button for the elevator, _if I could stay with Uncle Vanya, or Cousin Lena, I’d have to put up with all the usual annoying questions._

_“Is there someone in your life yet?”_

The elevator doors opened and he stepped inside, dragging his suitcase in behind him.

Someone else followed him in, but Victor barely registered their presence.

His family always bothered him with the same questions, not realizing how much he himself worried about the same thing.

He _wanted_ a boyfriend, he really did. It was just that, well, at his age everyone was either settled or there was probably a very good reason why they didn’t have someone.

His thoughts returned to the reason he’d come to Moscow this time. _It’s just for the weekend, _he told himself for the hundredth time. _Just tonight, then Saturday and Sunday morning I will go back home. I can survive this for that long._

The elevator doors closed and the other person pushed a button. “Which floor do you need?” they asked.

The sound of the stranger’s voice made Victor look at the speaker at last. It was exactly the sort of voice you wanted to whisper words like “I love you” in your ear. To top it all off, a single glance at the speaker made Victor go weak at the knees.

Victor clung to the wall of the elevator as he let his eyes sweep down and then up again, taking in every detail of the man’s appearance from his shoes to his short black hair. If the man had said something like “take your clothes off, please”, Victor would’ve obeyed without stopping to think. He was perfect – tall, with a beautiful face and – Victor’s eyes dropped again – really nice hands. He was dressed like someone about to go out on a date and in that moment Victor would’ve given five years of his life to be the one he was here for.

_Yeah, a run-in with a handsome stranger in an elevator who just _happens_ to have some strange excuse to come to your room! _the voice of reason whispered mockingly in the back of his mind. _Maybe Mila ordered a boyfriend for you to spare you the embarrassment of showing up alone!_

He bit his lip. _Shut up! _he told the voice of reason. _I don’t care if it’s the oldest cliché in the book! I don’t care if the universe is playing some cruel joke! Let me enjoy this for a few seconds! _And he let himself imagine that the man was there for him. Why? That didn’t matter.

The stranger blushed a little and asked again, “Which floor do you need?” He motioned at the rows of buttons next to him.

_Wherever you’re going, I’ll follow, _Victor thought and hated himself for it. He forced his eyes to remain fixed on the stranger so that he couldn’t see which button was glowing. “Forth floor,” he answered.

His brain, determined to be the traitor it always was in these kinds of situations, was playing out a million tempting scenarios at once.

_The handsome stranger grabbed him by the arms and pushed him against the wall of the elevator as he kissed Victor hard enough to make the man’s head spin…_

_Stop it! _he told his overactive imagination. _That kind of fantasy is just plain rude! He’s obviously on his way to a date. What does he care about someone like me? _And then it was back to the same old tune: _everyone has a date but me._

Still he kept throwing discreet glances at the man as the elevator rose through the building.

_What if he _doesn’t_ have someone? _his imagination insisted.

_How can someone that handsome not have someone? _Victor asked himself. _No. I’m not going to ask him. I don’t want the brief hope and then the bitter disappointment. I just want a few minutes of peace while I admire how beautiful he is. If only this stupid hotel had a 100 floors and we were both staying at the very top!_

The elevator stopped and Victor braced himself for the heartbreaking goodbye. The lights flickered and turned off.

“What happened?” Victor asked, panic creeping into his voice despite his best efforts. Why did he have to panic in front of a handsome man? Why?

“I think the elevator broke down,” the stranger said in a calm tone of voice as if he dealt with broken elevators all the time.

_I’m stuck in an elevator, in the dark, with a handsome stranger._

Sometimes Victor _really_ hated his overactive imagination.

“What do we do now?” Victor asked, fully prepared to accept any answer ranging from “just sit here and wait” to “let’s make the most of it.”

A light turned on, almost blinding him. The stranger was using his cellphone as a flashlight. He shone it at the wall beside him. “Either there’s an emergency call button, or there’s an emergency phone number we can call.”

“Right.” Victor, who so often needed to be in control of the situation, found that he didn’t mind stepping back and letting someone else do all the work. He scolded himself for it, but he had to admit that this was probably the closest he would ever get to a handsome prince arriving on a white horse to rescue him from an evil monster.

“Ah. Here it is,” the stranger said and pushed the button. “You’d think they’d make it glow in the dark for situations like this one,” he added as an aside to Victor.

The sounds of a ringing phone followed before someone picked up. “Hello?” a rough voice said.

“Hello. We’re stuck in the hotel elevator,” the stranger explained. “There are two of us here. The elevator is…” he paused and searched around for some identifying marks, “the number two elevator,” he finished, spotting the number above the buttons for the different floors. “How soon do you think you can get us out?” Everything had been delivered in a calm and level voice that Victor listened to in admiration.

“There’s a blackout all around the hotel,” the man on the other end of the phone line explained, “but the emergency power should be up and running in five minutes or so. Then it’s another half hour, I think.”

“Thank you.”

The person hung up without adding any other reassurances and Victor let out a sigh. “You’re very good at dealing with a crisis,” he observed and gave a smile that would’ve been a very winning one, if it hadn’t been given in the dark.

“I had to learn how to deal with emergencies,” the stranger explained.

“This makes for such a horrible first impression!” Victor exclaimed, desperate for more conversation.

“I imagine it is!” the stranger agreed. “Sorry about your trip.”

“What? Oh!” Victor remembered about his suitcase, which was still very much there. “I just came down from St. Petersburg, actually. I’ve visited Moscow more times than I can count.” He paused for a moment before hazarding a question, “What about you?”

“I live here,” the stranger said simply. “Well not _here_, not in the hotel, but I live and work in Moscow.”

The lights turned on and Victor felt his spirits brighten. He held his hand out to the stranger. “I just realized that I haven’t introduced myself. There’s nothing more awkward that being stuck somewhere with someone whose name you don’t know.” He left his face spread in his most winning smile. “I’m Victor.”

The stranger smiled back. Was it Victor’s imagination or was there a hint of red on the man’s cheeks? “Yuuri,” he said.

They shook hands.

“So,” Victor said, jumping on the first available question, “what brings you to a hotel even though you live in Moscow?”

“I’m here to visit my friend,” Yuuri explained and let out a soft gasp. “I completely forgot about Phichit! I should tell him that I’ll be late! Sorry!” He turned away just in time to miss the expression of disappointment appear on Victor’s face.

Yuuri made his call and Victor faced the other way, doing his best to tune out what Yuuri was saying.

Of _course_ he was taken! Victor, feeling too weak to keep standing, slid down to sit on the floor. Why was the universe so unfair to him? He’d committed no crime! He’d never done anything wrong to other people! Surely he deserved something good to happen in his life?

“Are you alright?” Yuuri asked gently, drawing Victor out of his miserable thoughts.

“Yeah,” he tried to smile, but he could see that Yuuri wasn’t convinced. His face dropped back into an expression of utter despair. “It’s… it’s just this _wedding_!”

“What wedding?” Yuuri pocketed his phone and sat down on the floor next to Victor, all attention.

The thought that their shoulders were touching brought with it no relief at all.

“Oh just…” Victor made a vague gesture in the air. “My friend Mila decided to get married, so she invited me…” _and a whole bunch of other people, _he added mentally.

Yuuri studied him in silence for some time before asking, “Was she your ex-girlfriend?”

“What?” Victor’s head snapped up at the question. He almost burst out laughing at the ide. “She’s not… exactly _my type_.” He added as much meaning as he could to his tone. Then, seeing Yuuri continue to stare at him with polite puzzlement that had no business being this attractive, he clarified, “no woman is my type, to be honest.”

“_Oh_.” Now the penny dropped.

“Yes.” Victor nodded. “And even if we _had_ gone out, I’m sure I’d just drive her up the wall.”

“Don’t say that!” Yuuri protested. “I’m sure that’s not true. You’re just being too harsh on yourself.”

Victor was grateful for those words, even though he knew that Yuuri was only saying them to be kind. “Anyway,” Victor went on,” there’s obviously _something_ wrong with me, because I can’t get a date even for a wedding.” He looked away, unable to meet Yuuri’s eye as he made this confession. “And I just know that Mila will tease me all evening long about it.”

An awkward silence followed those words.

Victor bit his lip, wishing he hadn’t said anything about the wedding. He fiddled with his hands as a part of him regretted – actually _regretted_ – being stuck here with Yuuri. Of course as soon as a decent chance came his way he would mess it up! Of course!

A sound broke the silence and it took Victor several seconds to make sense of it: Yuuri’s stomach was growling.

Victor met Yuuri’s eye. Yuuri looked away. “Sorry!” he said, blushing and placing his hands over his stomach. “I hadn’t eaten anything since this morning.”

“I have some food,” Victor offered and tapped his hand on his suitcase.

“You brought food on your trip?” Yuuri asked in surprise.

“Just in case I get hungry on the train,” Victor said as nonchalantly as possible. Great! Now Yuuri thought he ate all the time, or something.

“If it’s not too much trouble…” Yuuri said uncertainly.

“Oh, not at all!” Victor assured him. “I just have a sandwich, a box of crackers and slices of cheese.”

Yuuri’s eyes lit up and Victor’s heart skipped a beat. “Can I have some, please?”

“Yes, of course! What would you like?” Despite asking the question, he went digging through his suitcase for all the food he’d mentioned before Yuuri could make a decision.

The sandwich turned out to be a huge embarrassment as soon as Victor laid eyes on it, but Yuuri wolfed it down gratefully and then leapt on the crackers.

“Sorry,” he said, brushing the crumbs off his pants. “I had a mad day and barely had a chance to eat anything all day. I just got off work. We were supposed to go have dinner, Phichit and I.”

At the sound of that name, Victor’s mood dampened significantly. “Phichit is very lucky,” he said. The words slipped out by accident and he cursed himself for them right away.

Yuuri swallowed another cracker and gave Victor an innocent look. “He is?”

“To have a boyfriend like you,” Victor said wretchedly, determined to explore the full depths of his misery. _Here we go again._

“Phichit isn’t my boyfriend,” Yuuri corrected gently. “And I doubt that my boyfriend – if such a person were ever to exist – would consider himself lucky to go out with me.” He leaned his head back against the wall of the elevator.

Victor stared at his neck as if hypnotized by the sight.

“I wouldn’t consider him lucky,” Yuuri added in a softer voice.

_If such a person were ever to exist, _a part of Victor’s brain repeated. The words flashed in his mind like a neon sign formed out of very bright lightbulbs.

Victor was so busy mentally celebrating that he forgot all about reassuring Yuuri.

At least five minutes passed before he became conscious of the misery on Yuuri’s face. “I refuse to believe that!” he protested at last. “I’m sure you’re a very good person!” He shifted closer. “In fact,” he let his shoulder knock lightly against Yuuri’s, “I’m willing to bet on it.”

“That’s a very nice thing to say,” Yuuri said looking like he was on the verge of tears. “But you don’t know anything about me.”

Victor licked his dry lips. Here it was – the last leap. _Then tell me, _he thought desperately. He willed the words to come out.

The emergency phone in the elevator rang.

Yuuri scrambled back up to his feet. “Yes?”

“Still alive?” the same gruff voice from before asked with a note of amusement.

“Yes!” Victor exclaimed in frustration.

_What have I ever done to you, universe? Don’t dangle my deepest desire in front of me and steal it away! That’s just cruel!_

“Good news for you,” the same annoying voice went on.

Yuuri brushed himself clean as Victor put his food away.

_Next time, _he told himself, _I’m going to have a bottle of champagne as well. Champagne while stuck in an elevator is bound to impress someone._

The elevator began to move and didn’t stop until it reached the fourth floor.

“Here we are,” Yuuri said sadly, stepping out into the hallway with Victor. “Thanks again for the food and for the kind words.”

“It was nice to meet you,” Victor told him.

“Same. Good luck at the wedding!” Yuuri nodded and turned away.

Victor stood still, unable to move, unable to speak and unable to tear his eyes away from the sight of his happiness slipping out of his grasp.


	2. Yuuri

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kind comments! Your positive response was really encouraging!
> 
> Also, once again, I messed with everyone’s ages for this fic. I hope no one minds.

Yuuri was exhausted. He’d worked for 36 hours straight with only a few naps in between to help him survive to the end of his shift.

He thought he could relax and not worry about anything for the weekend at least, but then the universe trapped him in an elevator with a handsome stranger.

He could feel Victor studying him and threw a couple of curious glances his way himself.

Victor attracted attention. When Yuuri had followed him into the elevator, he’d already made a note of the tall blond man in front of him. _He must be very popular_, Yuuri reasoned.

He radiated confidence, which, at first, Yuuri had taken for arrogance, only to discover after they exchanged a few words that he’d been mistaken.

Perhaps, if Yuuri had been someone else, he would’ve asked Victor out on a date, or thrown a few clever hints in his direction to take him as his date to this wedding that was obviously stressing him out so much, but what was the use? Why would Victor want to ask someone he barely knew, anyway?

So he wished Victor luck, turned around and walked away, doing his best to contain his disappointment.

He’d keep this story to himself, he decided. Phichit didn’t need to know. Phichit would only try to interfere and make things worse.

“Yuuri!” Victor called out just as Yuuri spotted the right door.

He spun around really fast and blushed at his own eagerness.

Victor had left his suitcase behind and was running down the hall towards Yuuri.

A smile spread over Yuuri’s face. For one mad moment, he wanted to run to him with his arms open wide and to catch Victor and hold on so tightly it hurt.

Victor stopped right in front of him and grinned.

Yuuri’s heart ached just looking at him.

“Will you be my date for the wedding?” Victor asked. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise! But maybe… maybe you have other plans…” He trailed off, giving Yuuri a pleading look.

“I’m free this weekend,” Yuuri reassured him. “But are you sure about this? Won’t it be strange to invite someone you just met to a wedding as your date?”

Victor contemplated Yuuri’s question with a miserable expression on his face. “You’re right,” he finally admitted. “I’ll never hear the end of it as soon as everyone finds out. Do you mind if… Can we pretend for the wedding that I met you a few months ago?”

“And your friend won’t think it’s suspicious that you haven’t told anyone about me all this time?” Yuuri asked, determined to explore the situation from every possible angle. “Didn’t she ask if you were coming with someone?”

“Don’t worry about that,” Victor said with a grin. “I’m sure that if I talk to her, we can sort something out. We’ve both been too busy over the last couple of months to talk to each other properly, so she won’t be surprised that I hadn’t mentioned you before.”

Still Yuuri wasn’t convinced. _Say yes, just say yes_, a voice insisted in the back of his mind, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he would be intruding at this wedding. “But don’t they usually cater for a specific number of people at weddings?” he asked. “And work out who will sit where – that sort of thing?”

Victor pulled out his phone. “I can call her,” he offered, “and we can see what she says.”

Yuuri bit his lip and nodded. He was filled with a sudden wish to go with Victor. He watched Victor call his friend and worried. What if she said no? What if –

_Stop it, _he told himself. _Everything will be fine. You don’t know him. If you can’t come along, then it’s probably for the best._

To his surprise, it didn’t take long for Victor to get permission from his friend. He expected Victor to give her a long excuse, but barely were the words out of his mouth and she agreed. She said something else and Yuuri saw Victor’s face twist into a troubled expression. Those words said, she hung up without even giving him a chance to add anything else.

_Maybe it’s no big deal, _Yuuri thought and did his best to keep smiling.

Victor hung up and gave him a smile that had very little mirth in it. “There. You see? She doesn’t mind at all.”

“Are you sure?” Yuuri asked. “Why are you so upset?”

“It’s just that I…” He looked away as if unable to meet Yuuri’s eye. “She reminded me about the party tonight. We were supposed to meet for a few drinks and a chance to catch up. I forgot all about it.”

Yuuri waited patiently for Victor to say more, to ask him to come along to the party with him, but Victor just stood there like an actor who’d forgotten their lines.

“Where is it?” Yuuri asked.

“What? No! No!” Victor protested at once. “You don’t need to come! You have your dinner with your friend!”

_I forgot all about that,_ Yuuri realized with a pang of guilt. He was supposed to spend his free weekend with Phichit, he told himself. “But if I don’t come with you now,” Yuuri said as the idea dawned on him, “everyone will ask questions. And you already told her that I’m coming to the wedding.”

“True,” Victor admitted and hung his head.

“I’ll talk to my friend,” Yuuri decided. “I’ll explain what happened and then I’ll come join you. What room are you in?”

Victor stared down at the key card in his hand. “427,” he read aloud.

“Give me an hour, or maybe a little more and I’ll come find you,” Yuuri promised. He started to compose an explanation to Phichit in his mind, trying to think of the best way to explain himself.

“Thank you so much!” Victor exclaimed. He reached out to grab Yuuri’s hands, caught himself just in time and snatched his hands away, blushing. “You’re a lifesaver!” he added, trying to hide his embarrassment.

For a moment, Yuuri misunderstood Victor and opened his mouth to ask how he’d worked that out and then it clicked. “I’m sure it’s not such a big deal,” he said dismissively.

“You have no idea how much you’re doing for me!” Victor went on.

_I can see that this is going to be a real sticking point, _Yuuri thought and decided not to argue. “See you in an hour!” he exclaimed, turned and made for Phichit’s room.

“See you!” Victor called after him.

Yuuri threw one last glance back over his shoulder before picking out which was Phichit’s door and knocking on it.

“Coming!” Phichit shouted from the other side. The sound of footsteps followed and he opened the door for him. “Come in! Come in!” Phichit ordered, holding the door open with one hand and motioning with his other. “You must be exhausted,” he added as Yuuri stepped into his room, “and hungry.” Phichit closed the door behind Yuuri and stepped up to him to catch his friend in a hug.

They held on for several minutes before letting go at last.

“How are you?” He pulled back and studied Yuuri’s face.

Yuuri, on his side, stared into Phichit’s. They hadn’t seen each other for at least a year, but to Yuuri it felt as if five years had gone by since he’d last lain eyes on his friend.

Phichit was two years younger than Yuuri. Circumstances had thrown both men together at a young age. Both of them were children of ambassadors who were working in Moscow, both had grown up seen as foreigners and both had decided to stay to complete their education after their parents left.

In very nearly everything else the two of them differed a great deal from each other. Phichit had finished his studies, while Yuuri was only reaching the end now. Two jobs couldn’t be more different than theirs were. A few years ago Phichit had moved away to New York while Yuuri had remained in Moscow.

Now Phichit Chulanont was a fashion designer who was gaining a lot of popularity. His style was all about flair while trying to be practical about it. He had come to Moscow not to see his friend and not to do any sight-seeing (although he’d planned to do both as well), but to participate in Moscow Fashion Week.

Phichit raised an eyebrow. “You don’t look like a person who got stuck in an elevator after working for 36 hours.”

“I… uh… met someone…” Yuuri began. He had to begin somewhere, but he knew as soon as the words were out that he’d picked a bad starting point.

Phichit laughed. “Met where? In the elevator?”

“Yes,” Yuuri admitted and blushed at how silly it sounded. “We got stuck in there together.”

“You mean you weren’t alone when the elevator broke down? How romantic! You get stuck together and fall in love! Please tell me this means you’ll be seeing him again, this mysterious – is he handsome?” Phichit suddenly asked, cutting himself off.

Yuuri turned bright red as he remembered Victor’s well-built figure and handsome face. “He is,” he admitted.

“– this handsome stranger, then,” Phichit concluded. “Well? Did you arrange for a hot date?”

“Sort of,” Yuuri confessed and saw the look of pleased surprise appear on Phichit’s face.

“You did? I’m so proud of you! You always take too long with such things!” Phichit exclaimed before Yuuri could explain what he’d meant by “sort of”. Too often the man would get carried away in his enthusiasm.

“He asked me to be his date at a wedding,” Yuuri explained, doing his best to make it sound less than what Phichit was obviously imagining. “I mean – he’s in Moscow for a friend’s wedding and he needed someone to go with him as his date and I said yes.” It sounded so stupid when he said it all out like this.

“Oh _good_! This is exactly what you need!” It was hard to tell from his tone if he was being serious or sarcastic.

“It _is_?” Yuuri asked. “How is going to a wedding as someone’s pretend boyfriend – he asked me to pretend to be his boyfriend, by the way – something that I need?” _What I really need, _he thought bitterly, _is more sleep. _He resisted the urge to rub his forehead. How much longer could he stay awake for before his body rebelled and shut down on him?

“Pretend boyfriend!” Phichit laughed. “All this means, I hope, that this time you can go out with someone without taking it seriously.”

Yuuri hardly knew what to say to that. “Did I hear – did you just say “going out without taking it seriously”?” Maybe he’d already fallen asleep, he thought. Maybe he’d dreamt Victor up and maybe he was dreaming this conversation now. Any minute now someone would shake him awake and tell him that there was an emergency he had to deal with.

“Oh Yuuri, you know what I mean! Didn’t you agree with me last time when I said that you tend to overthink things?” Phichit pointed out.

“Not overthinking something isn’t the same as not taking it seriously,” Yuuri argued. “We’re not talking about a dinner, or getting a few drinks here. We’re talking about a person with feelings.” Those words stirred up all kinds of unpleasant memories: children sleeping in beds while parents learned that what they thought was just a little ache was more serious than that, talking to middle-aged men and women about their parents…

“Yes,” Phichit agreed, “when it’s serious going out, then you have to put everything in, I agree, but this isn’t that, is it?” He gave Yuuri a piercing look. “Or is there more to it?”

“No, of course not!” Yuuri protested, forcing all thoughts about Victor’s handsome features out of his mind.

“Then just relax and enjoy it,” Phichit advised. “A date at a wedding with someone you’re not in love with – it’s exactly the kind of scenario when people expect a one-night stand. You know, as in _sex_, Yuuri. Not vows, not a love confession, just a good time.”

Yuuri fiddled with his bag’s strap. “Are you telling me that he was inviting me to have sex with him?” He wasn’t always good at reading the signs, but he didn’t think he’d been so wrong this time around.

He watched the expression on Phichit’s face change and he _knew_ that his friend was about to lie to him.

Yuuri gave him a warning look.

“Maybe,” Phichit admitted, deflating. “Obviously not everyone sees it that way, but maybe he does. Maybe he doesn’t!”

Yuuri felt his heart sink. Been there, done that, he thought. His mind protested, presenting the memory of Victor’s smile as proof that people who smiled like that couldn’t…

Except that they _could_.

He knew better than anyone that a beautiful exterior could be hiding damaged insides. Well, that wasn’t strictly true, he reminded himself, usually there was _some_ hint of what went on underneath.

And Victor _had _been eyeing Yuuri up and down, a treacherous part of Yuuri’s mind pointed out.

Phichit watched him, no doubt guessing every thought that passed through Yuuri’s mind by the expression on his face alone.

“Think of it this way –”

Yuuri raised his hand to interrupt Phichit before he could say anything more. “I promised I’d go. Please don’t say anything else, or I might change my mind.”

"Alright,” Phichit conceded. “So… what will you wear?”

Ah, yes. “I was hoping you would help me?” Yuuri confessed. “I don’t own a suit, but for tonight I thought – oh! I completely forgot: there’s a pre-wedding party tonight.”

“So you were about to ditch me and weren’t even going to tell me about it?” Phichit teased.

“I’m so sorry!” Yuuri exclaimed. “We can still meet up after –”

“You mean you’re going to ditch your date just for me?” Phichit asked. He shook his head. “No, Yuuri. Don’t worry about me. I’ll just relax and sleep off my jetlag.”

“Are you sure?” Yuuri asked uncertainly.

Phichit laughed. “Yes, yes. You earned some rest too! So don’t let me get in your way.”

Yuuri sighed. “I feel so bad doing this. I thought there wouldn’t be any harm in helping him, but I don’t want to just leave you all alone. It’s not fair to you.”

Phichit regarded him critically. “Alright. In that case, promise you’ll tell me all that happens during your two dates without missing any of the details. That will make up for it, I’m sure.”

Of course Phichit would say that. He loved juicy stories. But Yuuri was grateful to him for this. Maybe it would all turn to nothing, but at least Yuuri would help Victor out. The man had looked so upset by this wedding that Yuuri couldn’t help but feel sorry for him.

_His friends must give him a really hard time about not having a date._

“Well?” Phichit cut into Yuuri’s thoughts. “Are you going to stand around looking sad all day long, or will you let me pick some clothes out for you?”


	3. Victor

He had a date! Victor was ready to leap with joy. He showered, changed into a dark blue suit and then stopped before a mirror. He spent what felt like the better part of an hour trying to get his hair to look right.

He was getting very nervous: his hands were shaking and he couldn’t sit or stand still for very long. He paced the room, sat down, tried to read something on his phone and then tossed it aside.

_Calm down. You’re just going to have a few drinks, _he told himself.

But it was no good and after another minute he was back in front of the mirror, noticing every single flaw in his appearance. If only he was handsomer!

There was a knock on the door and he bolted for it, forgetting about everything.

Yuuri stood in the doorway, his hair gelled back and the top button of his shirt undone. His clothes were a little different than last time, but Victor couldn’t figure out what it was – his mind was too overwhelmed by the sight of Yuuri’s hair slicked back and that one button left undone.

_God, I think I’m undone, _he thought.

Yuuri smiled at him and gave a nervous cough “Can I come in?”

Victor backed into the room to allow Yuuri to enter.

“I was thinking – would you mind if I left my stuff here?” Yuuri asked, bringing his bag forward to show what he was talking about.

It took several seconds for Victor to process the question. “Yes, of course!” He took another step back and waved in a random direction, which just happened to be the bed.

_Great. _He turned bright red.

He didn’t dare move as Yuuri crossed the room and placed his bag very carefully on the floor by a wall.

_Come on, Victor! Pull yourself together! _his mind ordered. _Stop staring with your mouth open!_

He closed his mouth and smiled. “You look very nice,” he said and hoped that sounded better to Yuuri than it did to him.

“Thank you.” Yuuri’s cheeks turned red. “You look nice too,” he added, giving Victor a brief up and down glance.

“Thank you.”

They stood awkwardly for several minutes, just staring at each other as if they were two deer with headlights strapped to their heads.

“Shall we?” Yuuri asked and held out his arm.

Victor lowered his hand slowly, savouring the moment when his arm came to rest on Yuuri’s. “Yes,” he answered, feeling his insides melt.

They walked out of the room and down the hall back to the elevator. For one wild moment, Victor both feared and desired to get stuck again. Then he suppressed the thought.

He was an adult. He could control himself. He was… Oh god, he was so _weak_.

_Calm down. You don’t even know him!_

_Damn! I barely know him! _Victor panicked.

“So,” Yuuri asked as they stepped into the elevator together, “where are we going?”

“Mila texted me the address,” Victor answered as he stared at the little display that marked the elevator’s progress downwards. How was he to start? He had to get it all out now before it was too late.

“What’s our cover story?” Yuuri asked.

The question confused Victor at first and then he realized that Yuuri’s thoughts were going along the same lines as his own. “Cover story? Oh, you mean the dating?”

The dating. Why did he sound so stupid? What was this? High school?

“Yes,” Yuuri answered with a nod. “If they ask us how we met, where we go when we’re together. You know – that kind of thing.”

“Why don’t we just tweak the truth a little?” Victor suggested.

They got to the ground floor and kept talking as they crossed the lobby, as if this was no big deal, as if they’d walked arm in arm like this through lots of hotel lobbies.

“We’ll tell them that we met in an elevator,” Victor went on, “but not today, just six months ago. That would be in…oh! Here’s an idea: why not February 14th? That will be very romantic.” He always imagined he’d meet the love of his life on Valentine’s Day.

Yuuri nodded. “Yes, very.” He stopped just before the doors that led outside. “And what do I call you?”

“Um… Victor?” he answered. Only one man had ever called him “Vitya” and only his parents called him “Viten’ka”. Every other option seemed too formal.

Yuuri laughed. It was a very pleasant sound. “I meant nicknames like “sugar” or “honey”. Six months is long enough for a nickname, surely? Or…” he hesitated. “Or maybe you don’t like nicknames? Oh god, I completely forgot! You barely know me – why would you be comfortable with a nickname from me?” He released Victor’s arm and stepped away.

“No! No!” Victor protested, blushing a little. “No! I _definitely_ want a nickname and I’d like to call you by one, if you don’t mind?”

Yuuri looked away as he considered his answer.

Victor held his breath.

“Darling,” Yuuri finally said and gave a quick nod before meeting Victor’s eye. “What about yours?”

Now Victor realized what a trap this question was. If he were to pick a good nickname, then he risked dying as soon as Yuuri used it, but a bad one would make it hard to pretend.

Pretend? Dear god, he’d forgotten that he had to pretend to be smitten with Yuuri. He was already smitten. There was no pretending required. A little smitten. It was a crush. Probably. Was Victor too old for crushes? Maybe.

“Sugar,” he finally answered.

“Well then… _sugar_,” Yuuri said, opening the front door for Victor. “Are we walking or taking a taxi?”

“Taxi,” Victor mumbled as a part of him protested that parties weren’t important, really. They could just go back up to Victor’s room and… talk. Yeah. Talk.

Yuuri hailed a taxi and then held the door open for Victor as soon as one arrived.

Victor climbed in, his heart hammering in his chest. This was all so perfect! It was exactly how he’d want a real date to go.

Yuuri joined him in the back seat and closed the door.

Victor leaned forward and told the driver the address and they were off through the Moscow streets.

“So…” Yuuri said, working his way to another question, “what kind of couple are we?”

This was a bad idea, Victor suddenly realized. He could already see all the ways in which this could go wrong. He will get used to Yuuri and then they will have to say goodbye to each other and he will die of a broken heart. Then he remembered that this was just for a few days. He wouldn’t get attached after just two days, right? Yes, of course. There – problem solved.

“Oh, definitely the lovey-dovey kind!” Victor answered. “You know, the kind that makes people roll their eyes and say “get a room”. Uh…” He hesitated and threw a worried glance at Yuuri. “If you don’t mind, of course.”

“Of course not,” Yuuri said smoothly and Victor felt his heart flip over.

“Um,” Victor bit his lip. “Tell me if I do something you don’t like, ok?”

Yuuri nodded. “You too.”

They stared out the window in silence and then Victor exclaimed, “I completely forgot! I should tell you a little about me and… well, about everyone who’s going to be there.”

He watched Yuuri turn and eye him curiously.

Victor licked his lips. “I… I’m a bit famous, you could say. Well – not so much anymore, but I used to be.” He saw the puzzlement on Yuuri’s face and went on, “I’m a figure skater, or was – I retired recently. Now I’m just a coach.”

Yuuri gave him an encouraging smile. “That’s very admirable!”

Victor swallowed. He’d never thought of it as admirable and suspected that most people who knew him wouldn’t call it that either. They’d say that he was refusing to let figure skating go and they would probably be right. “Listen, there’s something you need to know about my retirement.” He stopped, struggling to get the words out.

“You don’t need to tell me all the details,” Yuuri reassured him.

“I do,” Victor insisted, “because of all this,” he gestured vaguely with his arm. “Mila – my friend who is getting married – she’s a figure skater. So is her fiancée. And so are most of the guests. Many of us used to train together under the same coach and the rest of us competed against each other.” His gut clenched. This was a bad idea. A terrible idea. He’d dragged Yuuri into this without even warning him. He licked his lips again.

Yuuri listened attentively without interrupting.

“I…” It was so hard to get the words out. “I didn’t just retire. It wasn’t voluntary… I… I was forced to.”

“Forced?” Yuuri repeated in confusion.

Victor nodded. “I got a horrible injury. I…” He looked away, feeling a lump rise in his throat. “I broke my leg. They operated on it – obviously – but skating is… well, I can’t compete anymore.” He dropped his head into his hands. “And you coming along isn’t really about the dating thing. This is about that. I’m sorry.”

Yuuri placed a hand on his shoulder.

Victor raised his head and met his eye. “I don’t know if I can deal with…” he gestured vaguely at his leg, “talking about this. I haven’t seen most of them since it happened.”

Yuuri stared down at Victor’s leg. “They put a metal rod inside, didn’t they?”

Victor nodded.

“And you don’t limp when you walk,” Yuuri added. “They did a good job.”

Victor said nothing. The doctors had probably done the best they could, but what did that help him? He could walk. He could even skate. But he couldn’t compete. Not if he wanted to jump quads.

“I’m a doctor,” Yuuri declared, placing a hand on Victor’s knee. “Well… training to become one and I know a lot about injuries like yours. I know you had to endure a lot of pain and I’m sorry.”

In any other circumstances Victor would’ve gotten down on one knee right there and then and asked for Yuuri’s hand, but he was feeling vulnerable at that moment and it occurred to him that he’d just bared his soul in front of a man he only knew for a couple of hours. He shouldn’t have said anything and just kept it all to himself.

Yuuri took Victor’s hand in both of his own. “I’ll do my best to keep them from talking about your injury,” he promised.

Victor stared at him with his mouth slightly open. “Thank you.”

He didn’t have to do this, Victor reminded himself. He’d abandoned all his plans for Victor. But the bitter aftertaste of hostility remained.

The taxi stopped. Yuuri opened the door and stepped out. He helped Victor out of the car and then left him standing alone on the sidewalk as he paid for their ride.

As he walked back Victor returned to admiring Yuuri’s figure.

This time Yuuri held out his arm without saying a word. Victor accepted it and led the way.

“There was something else I was going to tell you,” Victor murmured, but he didn’t get a chance to remember what it was because at that moment he spotted Chris up ahead.

The man spotted him almost at once and walked over to join them. He moved like a hunter closing in on his prey and Victor saw at once that his eyes were on Yuuri.

“Hello, Chris,” Victor said pointedly.

“Hello, Victor,” Chris replied, barely sparing him a glance. His eyes returned to Yuuri. “Good evening. I don’t believe we’ve met.”

Yuuri’s hand slipped free of Victor’s and wrapped itself around Victor’s waist. “I’m Yuuri,” he introduced himself.

Victor felt his knees shake under him. How did the man do it? Maybe it was something in the tone of his voice.

“Christophe, but _you_ can call me Chris,” came Chris’ usual smooth reply.

“Everyone calls you Chris,” Victor reminded him.

“True. In that case, _Yuuri_, you can call me whatever you like,” Chris offered, not batting an eyelid.

_How about “traitor”, or “Victor’s ex-friend”, or “the man who I will definitely never be friends with ever again”? _Victor offered mentally.

“I think I’ll settle for calling you Chris,” Yuuri said and pulled Victor in by the waist. “What do you think, sugar?”

Victor was caught off guard by the pet name. He felt his cheeks burn as a grin spread over his face. “Whatever you say, darling.” He turned his head and saw just how wonderfully close Yuuri’s face was in that moment.

_Here goes. _He gathered all his courage and pressed his lips to Yuuri’s cheek. It was soft and warm.

Yuuri’s hand slid up to his back and then dropped to his waist again as Victor pulled away.

“I can see you’re all excited, sugar,” Yuuri whispered and raised his free hand to move a strand of Victor’s hair out of his face. “Try to keep yourself under control.”

_Oh god! How can I do that when you’re talking to me in a voice like _that_? _“I’ll do my best,” he promised.

Yuuri smiled in response and Victor felt his stomach flip over. “Shall we go inside?”

They continued walking to the restaurant as Chris fell into step beside them. To Victor’s great surprise, the man didn’t comment on their behaviour and Victor worried about what it meant. Was he not convinced by Victor and Yuuri’s pretending? Not that Victor _was_ pretending…

The restaurant where they were meeting with everyone else was half-bar, half-restaurant. The first floor was mostly taken up by a long bar that formed a square and was surrounded by people on all sides. Bottles hung above it in a pleasing pattern as if the place was trying to show that they had served many drinks over the years. Victor recognized a lot of the people who crowded at the bar and swallowed nervously.

“Victor!” Mila rushed out of the crowd to meet him. She was in a long black dress with spaghetti straps that made her bright red hair stand out even more. Two earrings glittered on either side of her head, matching her necklace.

She threw her arms around Victor and held him close. “I’m so glad you could make it,” she whispered into his ear.

Victor went rigid. She’d expected him to turn the invitation down. “Thanks for inviting me.”

“Of course. Wouldn’t be a party without you.” She released him and turned to look at Yuuri. “Hello! You must be Victor’s +1.”

Yuuri nodded. “I am,” he agreed with a serious expression on his face and put an arm around Victor.

Victor grinned with a kind of triumph.

They all came at once then, surrounding the two of them and asking different questions. Mila’s fiancée, Sara, was among them. She gave both Victor and Yuuri a polite hello and stood at Mila’s side, watching silently as Victor and Yuuri did their best against the huge onslaught of questions.

“Yuri, hmm? I thought Yuri was blond and a lot younger,” someone said.

Victor knew they were just teasing, but he answered anyway, “No, You’re thinking of my pupil. Yuuri,” he brushed a hand over Yuuri’s shoulder, “is my date.”

There was some laughter at that.”

“Where did you meet Victor?” Mila asked, sounding as if it took a lot of skill to find Victor, as if he’d been hiding from the world.

Yuuri threw a quick glance at Victor. “It was very romantic, actually,” he began.

Victor held his breath, ready to accept his version of events, whatever it may turn out to be.

“I should start by telling you all,” Yuuri said, looking around as if he’d only just realized that he was at the centre of attention, “that all this happened on Valentine’s Day. I had a rough day. Every patient in the hospital – I should mention that I work in one of the hospitals on the outskirts of Moscow – every patient (or at least it felt like every patient to me) got flowers or chocolates that day. And here I was – 36 hours with barely any sleep, after a difficult surgery, feeling tired and unwanted…” He faltered and cleared his throat.

“Did you operate on Victor?” someone asked and was immediately shushed.

It took all of Victor’s self-control to resist the urge to say something.

Yuuri went on as if he hadn’t heard anything. “I arranged to meet with a friend who was coming to Moscow – that’s a different story I won’t bore you with. I got to his hotel, entered the elevator and there Victor was!”

This earned him a chorus of “awws”.

Victor put a hand on Yuuri’s shoulder and looked into his eyes. “It gets better,” he added and tore his gaze away to look at everyone else, “because I had no idea what a gift Fate sent me that day and would’ve probably never known, if the elevator hadn’t gotten stuck.”

They all laughed at this.

Victor and Yuuri exchanged happy smiles.

“Victor saved me,” Yuuri added. “I was starving –”

“I wouldn’t call it saving!” Victor protested with a laugh that was meant to tell everyone who was listening that they were very at ease with each other.

“Well I _was_ very hungry and probably close to passing out,” Yuuri insisted with another smile that made Victor’s heart beat faster.

“Why is our doctor not eating properly?” Chris asked.

“I barely had a free minute to myself,” Yuuri explained.

Victor cursed himself. This was all true and this was all happening now. Yuuri hadn’t eaten anything since that sandwich and those crackers.

“Darling,” Victor cut in, “I just remembered. You had another long shift today. You must be starving!”

“Same!” Mila exclaimed. “Let’s go grab a table and order something to eat. I’m famished!”

Yuuri squeezed Victor’s hand and whispered, “Thank you.”

They got a table and while everyone studied the menu and tried to make up their minds about what food to order the questions kept coming.

“So you’re a doctor, Yuuri,” Mila said, throwing a quick glance at Victor that the man understood all too well. “What kind of doctor are you?”

I’m a medical resident,” Yuuri explained, closing his menu and placing it on the table. “I’m hoping to finish next year and then I’ll be a general surgeon.” At that word, Yuuri’s hand brushed gently against Victor’s arm.

“Did Victor tell you he’s a skater?” Sara asked, leaning forward. “Have you seen him skating? What did you think?”

“Of course I have, but I can’t pretend to understand enough to judge properly,” Yuuri admitted modestly and then met Victor’s eye. “All I can say is that Victor is amazing.”

Victor’s heart was jumping quads in his chest from joy. He knew that Yuuri had never seen him skate, but this lie flattered him anyway.

“Aww! Victor is blushing!” Mila exclaimed.

Yuuri leaned close, hesitated and pressed a kiss to Victor’s cheek.

_I must’ve died in that elevator and gone to heaven, _Victor decided.

Yuuri pulled away, adjusted Victor’s shirt and smiled at everyone. “Enough about us. Tell me about you,” he said to Mila and Sara. “After all, we’re all here for you two.”

_He’s perfect, _Victor thought.

They spent the rest of the evening talking about the two brides-to-be.

When they got near the end of the meal, Victor excused himself to go to the bathroom. Chris got up at the same time and followed him out.

Victor said nothing as they crossed the room and hoped that Chris would do the same, but as soon as they got out of earshot of everyone else, he said,

“Admit it, Victor, your Yuuri is an escort you paid to come with you.”

“He’s not!” Victor protested indignantly. “Yuuri is my boyfriend!”

“Then why haven’t I heard about him before today? I always thought that if you got into a serious relationship, I’d be the first to know.” That wasn’t entirely unreasonable. There had once been a time when they’d shared all their secrets, but that was _before_.

Victor gave him an apologetic look. “Sorry, Chris. Ever since the… my injury it’s been hard to talk to everyone,” Victor admitted with a heavy sigh.

“I know.” Chris stopped walking and met Victor’s gaze. “We all care about you. You must know that. I don’t want you to isolate yourself from everyone.”

Victor nodded. What could he say to that?

“I’m glad you met Yuuri,” Chris said, catching Victor by surprise. “He’s very kind and he’s obviously very smitten with you.”

_He’s very good at pretending, _Victor thought bitterly. But Yuuri was definitely kind. There was no denying that. “He has a big heart,” Victor said and added, “he cares a lot about every single one of his patients.” He was certain that wasn’t a lie. It was more of an educated guess.

“I take it you’re smitten with him yourself,” Chris laughed and elbowed Victor. “Well, he’s obviously the loyal type, so I wouldn’t be afraid to jump right in, if I were you.”

Victor frowned. “Jump right in?”

Chris snorted. “It’s very obvious that you haven’t had sex yet, so don’t try to convince me otherwise.”

Was it really that obvious? What made it obvious?

“Which makes me wonder,” Chris went on, “what _have_ you been doing all this time? Showing him every skating rink in St. Petersburg?”

“Talking,” Victor answered. It was a stupid answer, but then he thought about their circumstances and tried to imagine for several seconds that they really were dating. Yuuri worked a lot of hours and lived in Moscow. He lived and worked in St. Petersburg. No, it would never work out. “Look, I know it’s six months to you, but to us it’s only been a handful of dates.” _Actually just this one, if it counts. _“He lives here and I’m in St. Petersburg most of the time.”

Chris gave him a sympathetic look. “Do you want some advice?”

“It’s fine,” Victor insisted. It was getting harder to remember this was all a lie. He could feel the confusion building in his mind.

Chris patted him on the back. “Well, let me know if you change your mind.” He chuckled. “You know what they say about weddings.”

“What?”

“They’re often followed by more weddings,” Chris answered and walked away.

_Who has ever said that?_

When Victor returned to the table, Yuuri gave him a worried look. “Are you alright?” he asked in a whisper. “You’ve been gone for a long time. I was starting to worry.”

Victor nodded.

It was all pretence. Why did he bother? Why had he agreed to come to this wedding? Why had he persuaded Yuuri to come along with him? They’d pretended for a few hours and already he was feeling heartbroken about the whole thing.

They moved from their big table to the bar not long after that and each of them got a drink.

_I want to go, _Victor thought as he watched Mila and Sara laugh at someone’s joke. _I can’t do this anymore. I don’t know if I’ll be able to do this tomorrow_

His eye fell on Yuuri and he saw the expression on his face. The poor man was falling asleep while standing.

Victor excused himself, told Mila and Sara that they had to go, promised they’d both be at the wedding the next day and led Yuuri out and into a taxi.

Yuuri was fighting to stay awake the whole way. It didn’t help that they had to make a stop at Victor’s room for Yuuri’s things before continuing onwards to Yuuri’s apartment.

“Thank you,” Yuuri mumbled, climbing out of the seat once they finally arrived. “G’night.”

Victor stared out the window as Yuuri made for a tall apartment building, waiting for him to go inside and close the door behind him before telling the taxi driver to take him back to the hotel.

Only when he returned to his empty room did it occur to him that he should’ve persuaded Yuuri to spend the night here. It would’ve saved them the trouble of extra trips and it would’ve meant that Victor wouldn’t have to spend the night alone.


	4. Yuuri

Yuuri woke up the following morning and lay still, reluctant to get up and do anything. He was so tired.

He turned over and stared at his bare wall. Had that really all happened? The elevator getting stuck, meeting a handsome stranger who turned out to be a retired figure skaters and then going to dinner with him and all those other figure skaters?

His gaze fell on his hands. How long had it been since the last time he’d dated anyone? The last time he’d flirted or kissed someone?

He closed his eyes and put his arms around himself. His last breakup had been on civil terms, but it had still left a bitter taste in his mouth.

Pretending yesterday – if all that hadn’t been a delirious dream – had come easier to him than he’d expected. Victor was the kind of person who attracted people easily, that much was obvious, and he made all the pretending easy.

And now there was the wedding to go to.

His eyes snapped open. The wedding!

He sat up sharply and scrambled around for his phone. What time was it? But as soon as he set his eyes on his phone he remembered something much more important: they hadn’t exchanged numbers with Victor!

How was he supposed to…

Yuuri leapt out of bed before he could finish that thought. He got ready to go out as quickly as he could and rushed over to the hotel, texting Phichit as he went.

_Please still be there. Please still be there, _Yuuri prayed about Victor. He berated himself the whole way for not asking for Victor’s number, or giving his own at least.

He almost ran as he crossed the hotel lobby and slipped into the elevator. The elevator ride felt interminably long and there was that fear again that he’d get stuck, but it got to the fourth floor and the doors opened to let Yuuri out without incident.

He sprinted down the hall to Victor’s room. Once he reached the right door, he paused. He took a deep breath, raised his hand and knocked.

_He left. He’s not here, _Yuuri thought as he waited for a response. _I dreamt it all. I didn’t mean a retired skater named Victor yesterday. He’s not the one staying in this room. Any minute now the door will open and a complete stranger will come out, demanding to know why I’m bothering him._

The door opened and Yuuri nearly ran back to the elevator.

Victor stood in the doorway. As soon as his eye fell on Yuuri a smile spread over his face. “I’m so glad you came!” he exclaimed.

Yuuri walked in, blushing a little. “Good morning.”

“Good morning.” Victor closed the door and walked across the room. “I only realized this morning that I forgot to give you my number and ask for yours yesterday. I was thinking about coming to get you, but then I couldn’t remember your address, so I decided to wait for you to come here.”

“Have you been waiting long?” Yuuri asked, embarrassed that Victor had to wait for him at all.

“Not long,” Victor reassured him and Yuuri suspected that this was a lie. “I haven’t had breakfast yet and I was hoping you’d join me?”

“Of course – I haven’t had breakfast yet, either,” Yuuri admitted.

“Let me get a few things,” Victor said and crossed the room to get his wallet and his phone.

Yuuri’s eye fell on the bed Victor had covered with a blanket. A tangle of blankets lay in a heap in one corner of the bed. Several pillows were stacked over the blankets. Yuuri looked away hastily

“Can I give you my number? And maybe you can give me yours?” Victor asked, holding his phone in both hands, ready to start entering numbers.

Yuuri nodded and pulled his own phone out of his pocket.

They took each other’s numbers.

Victor turned out to be Victor Nikiforov. Yuuri stared at the name. The man was a famous figure skater and Yuuri made a mental note to search for videos of him skating now that he knew his full name.

“Where will we go?” Yuuri asked once they both had each other’s numbers.

“This hotel serves breakfast,” Victor pointed out, “so I thought we could just go down to the first floor?”

“Good idea,” Yuuri agreed.

He opened the door and held it for Victor, following him as soon as he stepped out into the hallway.

They both dressed casually and walked side by side like two friends who’d met up to catch up on old times. No, they were more like two friends who hadn’t seen each other in so long that they didn’t know what to talk about.

They got into the elevator and the awkward silence stretched on.

“Did you sleep well?” Victor asked, obviously desperate for some excuse to end the silence at last.

“Yes, what about you?”

“Me too.”

At that they seemed to run out of conversation topics.

Yuuri tried to think of something to say and then tried to remember what had been said last night, hoping to find some inspiration there. For some reason, the only thing he could clearly remember was Victor’s story about his injury and that was definitely a topic to avoid.

They arrived on the first floor and made their way to the breakfast area where a waiter showed them to a table.

The hotel served a buffet breakfast, which meant that Victor and Yuuri had to grab a plate each and go make their choice from all the food available.

Yuuri stood, deliberating between the different options, unable to make up his mind. He watched Victor stroll confidently past the long line of food and load his plate up with a bit of everything. He projected so much confidence that Yuuri considered following his example.

Yuuri settled on his choice at last and returned to their table. He sat down across from Victor and the two of them exchanged a friendly glance.

In the bright sunlight that filled the breakfast room the previous day felt more and more like a feverish dream.

“I don’t think we got to do proper introductions yesterday,” Victor noted. “I mean we talked about me, but we didn’t get to talk about you.”

Yuuri stared at his plate. This was starting to remind him of a time when Phichit kept trying to introduce him to someone. He was no good at talking about himself. “I’m studying to become a doctor,” he began, “but you know that much.” He moved his food around on his plate. “Sorry, I don’t know what else to say. Maybe you can ask questions about what interests you?” He raised his eyes.

Victor’s face was serious.

_He’s wishing he’d run into someone better and more interesting, _Yuuri thought sadly. _Hopefully he doesn’t mind sticking with it for a little longer._

“My brain must still be asleep,” Victor said at last with a soft laugh. “I can’t think of anything, but at the same time I’m curious to hear everything about you.”

“You are?” Yuuri asked. Was that true, or was Victor just being polite?

“I am.” Victor nodded. “I feel a little overwhelmed, to be honest. I’m used to talking to other skaters, to the press and to excited fans, but…” he trailed off and shuffled food around on his plate. “You’re so much smarter than me. I’m always terrified of saying something stupid.”

Yuuri laughed. “I’m not!”

“You are! How many years did you spend in school? Actually, don’t answer that, I’ll feel even worse.” Victor grinned. “I barely finished school. Many skaters get degrees in something, but I just poured my whole life into competing.”

“That shows dedication,” Yuuri insisted.

“I wish everyone thought of it that way,” Victor said with a sigh. He put his chin in his hand and stared out the window. “People always want something from me and I get very demanding myself, so I stopped dating people.”

Yuuri had noticed a long time ago that it was easy to open up your soul to someone who you didn’t expect to see ever again and he felt a stab of pain as he realized that this applied to their situation now.

“And I don’t _want_ to be alone,” Victor went on, “but it’s just better this way, better for everyone.”

Yuuri gave a long sigh. Confession for confession, right? “I don’t do long-term relationships.” It sounded cruel and hadn’t come out quite the way Yuuri had intended, but he couldn’t think of a better way of phrasing it. He wasn’t good at long-term relationships, or rather – his current circumstances made them very difficult to keep.

His gaze returned to his plate. He had to force himself to eat. His body had gotten used to eating little and rarely, but who knew how long it would be before they got to eat the next time?

Victor remained silent, making Yuuri raise his eyes. The skater was contemplating his empty plate in silence, as if it was taking all his resources to study this very fascinating object.

“Are you alright?” Yuuri asked.

“Yes, of course,” Victor reassured him with a weak smile.

Tomorrow – no, tonight – this would all be over, Yuuri reminded himself. He’d watch Mila and Sara exchange vows as he pretended to be Victor’s boyfriend, celebrate and it would be done.

“I’ve never been to a wedding before,” Yuuri said after another long and painful pause. “Do I need to make preparations for something? Are we expected to do something special?”

“No,” Victor reassured him. “Technically they’re getting married without us. That part is for family only. We’re coming to the wedding celebrations after.”

“What about presents?” Yuuri asked and panicked. How could he come to a wedding empty-handed?

“Don’t worry about that – I have one on behalf of both of us. Victor’s response made Yuuri let out a sigh of relief.

“Thank you.”

Finally Victor’s face split into an easy smile. “It wouldn’t be fair to you otherwise.” Victor pushed his empty plate aside. “You still haven’t told me how I can repay you for this.”

Yuuri shook his head. “There’s no need.”

“What if I insist?”

“It’s really not a bother,” Yuuri assured him.

“And does your friend think that too?” Victor insisted. “You had a chance to talk to him about this, haven’t you? Didn’t I ruin his plans as well?”

“I suppose.” Yuuri lowered his eyes again. He’d forgotten about Phichit. His friend didn’t deserve to be ditched like this. Guilt rose inside him. _It’s ok. I’ll make it up to him later, _Yuuri thought. Hadn’t Phichit asked for something in return? For some reason, he could no longer remember what his friend’s request had been. But Phichit was a close friend and he wouldn’t ask for something unreasonable, right?

“Oh! That reminds me!” Yuuri exclaimed and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He texted as he spoke to Victor, “Phichit promised to get me a suit for the wedding. He said he could get it delivered to your room. It’s part of his collection, but I could borrow it if –” He cut off abruptly and raised his eyes. “You don’t mind if I tell him what your room number is, right? If you do –”

Victor shook his head. “No, no it’s fine.”

“Thank you.”

Again an awkward silence fell between them that neither of them knew how to fill. Yuuri found his thoughts drifting to plans for Sunday. He had a lot of chores to take care of and maybe he could meet up with Phichit and then he’d have to prepare for waking up on Monday and going to the hospital. He went through a list of patients he’d have to check up on and got to the fourth name when Victor said,

“The wedding isn’t for another eight hours. It’s not far from here, so we can start getting ready an hour before we have to be there. What do you think?”

Yuuri considered those words. That gave him at least six hours of free time. “We can meet up at 5, then?”

Victor’s face fell. “I understand,” he said. “You had a lot planned for this Saturday. I’m sorry.”

He looked so lonely in that moment that Yuuri took pity on him. “I suppose if I leave you on your own, one of your friends might call and then they’re sure to find out that I left. They’ll start asking questions and the truth will come out.”

“Oh yes!” Victor agreed with relief. “Chris will definitely call and –”

On cue, Victor’s phone rang.

He pulled it out of his pocket. “It’s Chris,” he told Yuuri and took the call. “Yes?”

Yuuri tried to finish his breakfast while Victor talked to his friend. He did his best to tune the conversation out, but at one point he raised his eyes and saw Victor turn pale and try to stammer something out.

Not wishing to pry, Yuuri pretended that he hadn’t seen anything. He finished his meal and shifted the plate aside. Then he rose and left to pour himself another cup of tea.

When he returned he found Victor sitting with a troubled expression no his face, the conversation evidently finished.

“He knows,” Victor said.

Yuuri sat down. “Sorry?”

“Chris went digging this morning and now he wants to know why there’s nothing about dating anywhere. My Instagram account has no photos of you and nothing about dating anyone.” Victor gave a heavy sigh and added in a lower voice, “I knew I couldn’t fool him.”

“What did you tell him?”

“I told him it was meant to be a surprise.” Victor shrugged. “I could tell he didn’t believe me.”

Yuuri sipped his tea and considered his next words carefully. “Why don’t you tell him the truth?”

“The truth?” Victor exclaimed. “He’ll figure it out eventually and then taunt me with it. I’ll never hear the end of it. That’s how it always ends.” He closed his eyes and put his hands over his face. “I try to please everyone and end up digging myself into a hole. I’m done with figure skating. I’ve retired and still I get pulled into all these little dramas. Chris will drop it soon enough, but others will find out and I’ll have to deal with them too.” He lowered his head into his hands. “I’m sorry for dragging you into this, Yuuri.”

Yuuri put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s alright.”

“If only there was some way for them to drop this whole topic after the wedding. If they could just forget it all and never talk about it again…” Victor mused.

“Or if someone could forbid them to…” Yuuri’s voice trailed off. He saw the expression on Victor’s face as the man raised his head and knew at once that they’d both had the same idea. “I suppose,” he said as nonchalantly as possible, “that if I broke up with you in a very terrible way that broke your heart, then no one would dig into it all. They’d try to help you move on from what happened.”

They contemplated this idea in silence. Yuuri took another sip of his tea.

“Do you think it will work?” Yuuri asked and realized that, more than anything, he really wanted to hear the man say no.

“I think so,” Victor answered.

_But then I’d have to break your heart and in front of all your friends too!_ Yuuri thought.

“Will you do it?” Victor asked in return, really taking to the idea. “Will you have a big fight with me? Maybe… maybe we can convince everyone that we have fights all the time and that’s why I don’t have any photos posted of you? I can say that I posted them and then we had a fight and I took them down and…”

He was beginning to contradict their first story without even realizing it, but Yuuri didn’t have the heart to point this out. He just nodded along.

Victor made a long complicated plan for their breakup and Yuuri acted as if it suited him just fine as every new detail stung.

_Do we have to do this? _he asked himself time and again. _Must I break your heart? _Another idea occurred to him then and he snatched it up with enthusiasm, “Won’t it ruin the wedding?”

“No,” Victor dismissed Yuuri’s concern almost at once, “no, of course not!”

“But they’re your friends!” Yuuri protested. “They’ll be worried about you.”

“It’ll be fine,” Victor insisted.

Every instinct in Yuuri’s mind protested against this. _It won’t be fine. We’ll ruin the wedding and they still won’t be convinced. _But when Victor finished laying out his plan, Yuuri agreed to it. He didn’t have the heart to argue.

“Now what do we do?” Yuuri asked.

“Didn’t you say that you have errands?” Victor reminded him.

“Will you come with me?” He placed a hand over Victor’s. “Please?” He did his best to smile.

Victor blushed. “Yes, if – if you want me to.”

They weren’t very exciting chores, but they needed to get done. They went through Yuuri’s shopping list and talked about groceries as if they both thought they were the most fascinating things on the planet. Afterwards, Victor helped carry them into Yuuri’s apartment.

Yuuri’s apartment was very small. To top it all off, it was the blandest apartment imaginable. The walls were bare, the furniture – not at all remarkable. He didn’t even have any plants to lend some character to the place.

It had never bothered Yuuri before, but, seeing Victor throw curious glances around him, he felt embarrassed of it. “I…uh… I moved in recently and never got the chance to properly decorate it.”

Victor dropped onto the couch and Yuuri sat down next to him. “I don’t even have TV for us to watch.”

“That’s ok,” Victor reassured him. He reclined on the couch and closed his eyes.

Yuuri got up and returned to the kitchen to make them both lunch. When Victor found him, he was tasting the soup to make sure it was ready to eat.

Victor helped set the little kitchen table and they ate, talking about small, insignificant things just to fill the silence with something.

It was such an innocent setting and contrasted greatly with the evening that followed.


	5. Victor

Victor and Yuuri took turns using the bathroom in Victor’s hotel room to get ready for the wedding. Victor finished and let Yuuri go in as he adjusted his tie in front of a mirror. Their time together during the day was like a short time out, like a little breathing room they got before the next plunge into pretending to be together.

Victor met his reflection’s eye and tried to project determination at it. Tonight it would all be over. Yuuri had made it clear: he wasn’t interested in anything serious and, even if he was, what did it matter? They’d already agreed that it would be over.

The bathroom door opened and Victor turned to see Yuuri dressed in clothes his friend had designed. The black suit had red and gold embroidery that started at the lapels at the front and ended in the middle of the back. It suited Yuuri perfectly, as if it had been made specifically to his measurements. There were back gloves covering Yuuri’s hands. His hair was gelled back again. Victor took it all in slowly.

“Is this too much?” Yuuri asked with a faint blush. “I think I’ll stand out more than the newlyweds.”

“It really suits you,” Victor complimented him. To himself he said, _Keep yourself under control. You know this is just for tonight. He only dressed this way for the wedding, not for you. If only he’d dressed this way for me!_

He didn’t fail to notice throughout the day just how cute Yuuri was, but Yuuri barely looked at him and hardly ever spoke to him. Yuuri wasn’t interested, he told himself again. Yuuri had other cares in his life and who could blame him?

_If only I’d met you two or three years ago, when I was at the peak of my career, when I thought that I could do anything! I would’ve charmed you, I’m sure of it!_

The Victor with four world champion titles to his name was hard to resist, he was certain. This Victor in the here in now, this Victor with a broken leg and a broken spirit, was a pale image that could only inspire pity.

Still he smiled, strode over to Yuuri with a confidence he didn’t feel and fixed his tie with the words, “Let’s be as convincing as possible.” He bit back the word “tonight”: it was too full of other meanings.

Yuuri nodded and again a faint blush appeared on his cheeks.

Victor offered him his arm and Yuuri took it.

Yuuri wasn’t merely handsome. Many people could be described as beautiful or handsome, but how many among them combined a good personality and intelligence with their good looks? Yuuri pulled you in. Last night, Victor was certain he saw the man have that effect on more than one person. Now he couldn’t keep his eyes from straying towards Yuuri’s face every few minutes. Something about him invited honesty. Victor was prepared to bet that all of Yuuri’s patients told him their whole lives even when he didn’t want to hear about them. Yuuri himself remained a mystery for Victor.

_If only I could figure out what the secret was! _Victor thought. _If only – no, no, I need to remember: this is our last evening together. After this, it’s done._

It was so hard to look at Yuuri and remember that it would all end tonight.

They took a taxi again and sat side by side in the back. Victor reached out and took Yuuri’s hand and held it the whole way. This time when they got out of the car, Yuuri offered Victor his arm before they joined the party.

Everything went according to Victor’s plan – they were met by the newlyweds and then took their assigned places at one of the tables, playing the part of two people very definitely in love with each other. As Victor had expected, they ended up sitting next to Chris.

He saw the little tag with his name before he spotted the man himself coming towards them. Victor panicked. His hand scrambled under the table, found Yuuri’s and squeezed.

Yuuri turned his head, saw Chris, turned back, took Victor’s face with both hands and brought their mouths dangerously close.

Victor’s heart beat fast. _Don’t do this to me, Yuuri. I won’t survive this. _A violent shudder passed through his whole body.

Yuuri released him and turned away.

A wave of disappointment washed over Victor. He felt events slip out of his hands. Any minute now a catastrophe would strike, he was certain of it.

“Good evening, Victor… Yuuri!” Chris said in what could’ve been an ordinary voice and could’ve been a tone that said “I know everything.”

“Good evening,” they both murmured with some confusion.

Chris sat down. “Great weather today, hmmm?”

_What does that mean? Is he just making small talk, or is he trying to figure out if we stayed indoors the whole time? _Victor agonized. Sometimes he really struggled to understand how his friend’s mind worked.

“Yes, very good,” Yuuri agreed. “Especially since we had to run so many errands.”

He and Chris managed an innocent-sounding conversation after that while Victor clung on to Yuuri’s hand like a lifeline.

_This is it, _he repeated to himself until he was sure he would go mad. _Any minute now he’ll start the fight. I need to do something. _But it was as if someone had paralyzed him: he couldn’t move from where he was. He couldn’t even speak.

People stood up and gave speeches. Mila and Sara said words the meaning of which didn’t get through to Victor. Around them people laughed and a few even cried.

He took in the lines of Yuuri’s face. Handsome Yuuri, kind Yuuri, who’d fallen into his life by accident and was about to take his exit as if him showing up here was nothing more than a mistake.

Chris leaned forward and asked him a question.

“Yes,” Victor answered, without knowing what he was agreeing to.

Music began to play and the newlyweds got the honour of the first dance. Victor stared at them and his vision began to blur as his eyes filled with tears.

_Why can’t I have that? _he thought miserably. _Why can’t that be me – getting married to the love of my life?_

At that thought he turned his head and stared at Yuuri. The man had a soft expression on his face. Victor’s eyes lingered on Yuuri’s mouth. Why had he resisted that kiss? What was wrong with him?

_Maybe I want my heart broken, _Victor thought. _I can’t remember how long it’s been since I fell properly in love. I spent the last year and a half numbing myself to all pain and now I don’t think I remember what it feels like anymore. I wish we could stop pretending. I want to feel something real._

Yuuri got to his feet and Victor trembled. This was it. This was when it ended. He didn’t even get to properly pretend or to properly enjoy it either.

“Will you dance with me?” Yuuri asked, holding out his hand.

His suit sparkled. His eyes shone. There was so much warmth in his figure, so much security and reassurance that if he’d asked Victor to marry him, Victor would’ve said yes without a second thought.

Victor took his hand. “Yes.”

They were still pretending, so as Victor let Yuuri lead him away he pretended he wasn’t surprised by the invitation. He pretended he knew where to put his arms when he held Yuuri. He pretended they’d danced before. Then he lowered his head onto Yuuri’s shoulder, closed his eyes and pretended that this moment would never end.

They moved slowly, just swaying a little to the music.

Victor’s nose touched Yuuri’s neck and the man pulled him closer.

He let his imagination play out a different life, one in which they met on Valentine’s Day and then kept meeting time and again. He imagined their first true date with holding hands and ice cream, followed by another date over delicious food, then one with a Ferris wheel ride and a first kiss exchanged at the very top of the wheel, away from the rest of the world.

“What are you thinking about?” Yuuri asked.

Victor raised his head. “Just… getting into the role,” he admitted.

The music ended.

A brief moment of uncertainty followed. Would Yuuri do it now? Was this it? Was that minute of bliss the only one they’d get?

The next tune struck up. It was faster, one of those songs that gets played at parties to get everyone to come out onto the dancefloor and enjoy themselves.

Victor stood, lost for a minute as the intro played and everyone rushed out around him, exclaiming in happy surprise.

Yuuri caught his hand and pulled him after everyone else.

_“Hey, mambo, mambo Italiano!” _the singer called out.

Yuuri moved his feet to the music, grinning at Victor. “It’s been forever since I danced to this song!”

Victor felt the melody tug at him, daring him to join in.

_“Hey mambo, don't want to tarantella._

_Hey mambo, no more a mozzarella.”_

Everyone turned at the same time. Victor followed along, his eyes still on Yuuri.

_“Hey, mambo, mambo Italiano!”_

They were both moving to the song and laughing, unable to contain themselves any longer. They moved around each other as if there was only the music, them and nothing else but this dance.

_“Mambo Italiano!”_

Yuuri spun him around and dipped him.

Victor threw his head back and laughed as if it was all a great joke.

The song ended.

Victor straightened up. Again fear squeezed his heart.

The crowd of people around them was clapping happily, as if congratulating each other on a job well done.

_Is it over? _He looked at Yuuri.

Yuuri’s face was covered in beads of sweat. He’d left his glasses on the table so they wouldn’t get in his way.

“The next song,” Mila’s voice boomed over the speakers and Victor turned to discover that she’d managed to get a microphone from somewhere, “is for Victor and Yuuri! Who are, without a doubt, the sweetest couple among all our guests!”

Every eye in the room was on them now. They applauded and shouted words of encouragement like the audience at a competition.

Victor met Yuuri’s eye fearfully. _Now. He’s going to do it now. He’s going to open his mouth and…_

But Yuuri refused to follow their plan.

A guitar began to play and Victor recognized the opening lines to one of his old tango skating routines.

Yuuri circled him slowly and stepped just behind him. One of his hands dressed in – Victor gulped – a black glove slid down Victor’s arm. A shiver went up Victor’s spine.

Yuuri leaned towards his ear. “Will you dance with me, Victor?” he whispered.

Victor turned to face him. “Yes.”

They moved slowly and precisely across the dancefloor, as if they’d rehearsed the dance ahead of time. Victor’s mind dropped all his regrets like useless weights and focused only on the dance.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he noticed that the dancefloor was much emptier than before and that it was only him and Yuuri here now, but then Yuuri headed straight for him and he retreated while still staying close. They circled around each other, getting closer with each step and then Victor stepped into Yuuri’s embrace.

Victor raised one leg and twirled it around Yuuri’s. They were so close he could feel Yuuri’s breath on his face. They held eye contact as Yuuri’s hand slid down Victor’s back.

Victor stared at Yuuri’s mouth. So close! So tantalizingly close! He raised his eyes and realized that Yuuri’s eyes were on his mouth as well.

It was suddenly too hot in the room. The collar of his shirt was too tight. Victor wanted to loosen it, but he couldn’t let Yuuri go. They had to keep hanging on.

The music ended and Yuuri let him go.

Around them people exploded into applause and asked for another dance.

Victor met Yuuri’s eye and knew he would keep dancing until his feet were too tired to move and even then he’d try to keep going.

Yuuri raised Victor’s hand to his lips and kissed it.

_I want you. _The thought had come suddenly and without warning. _Forget all this. Forget all of them. Just give me one night, just a little more and then I’ll let you go. Then it will truly be over._

They wouldn’t last long, but just a little bit more couldn’t hurt, right?

He didn’t want to face Sunday morning. He didn’t want to go to sleep only to wake up and go back home where he’d have to return to his same old life with the knowledge of what he was missing. So he danced on with Yuuri until the very end, until the workers at the venue asked everyone to leave, until even Mila and Sara agreed that it was done.

Victor and Yuuri walked out hand in hand, Victor feeling a little unsteady on his feet as if he was drunk.

Yuuri hailed a taxi and held the door open for Victor before climbing in after him. He leaned forward and gave the address of Victor’s hotel.

Victor stared at Yuuri. He let his hand slide over the seat and then up over Yuuri’s knee to grip Yuuri’s hand.

Yuuri caught Victor’s face with his free hand, tilted his chin up slightly and caught a kiss.

Victor shifted forward, opening his mouth and beckoning Yuuri in.

Yuuri released him and caught him again, snatching little kisses that made Victor’s head spin. Yuuri’s hand slipped out of Victor's, trailed up his arm, paused at his shoulder and then rose so that Yuuri could hold Victor’s face with both hands.

They broke the kiss and stared at each other.

“I’ve been wanting to do that all night,” Yuuri whispered.

Victor’s heart beat fast. He struggled to breathe. He closed his eyes and leaned forward to catch another kiss.

_I don’t want to go back to my room alone. Give me just one night, if that’s all you’re willing to give. Just one._

He’d heard about people who did one night stands. He hadn’t understood why and still didn’t. When he gave him himself, he handed his whole self over, but if Yuuri wouldn’t accept it all…

He pulled back from the kiss. “Come with me,” he whispered, “just for tonight.”

A brief expression of sadness appeared on Yuuri’s face and then he nodded. “Alright.” He trailed his hands down the sides of Victor’s face as they pressed their foreheads together.

The car stopped and Yuuri pulled away to check if they’d arrived and then pay for the trip. He climbed out of the taxi and held his hand out to help Victor follow him.

Victor took Yuuri’s hand and held on the whole way.

They made it to the elevator and just as the elevator doors closed, Victor caught another kiss, pushing Yuuri against the wall.

Yuuri pulled away what felt like a second later and placed a hand over Victor’s mouth. “The doors,” he whispered.

The elevator doors were open. They’d arrived.

They made it out into the hall and the door of Victor’s room where he stopped and searched his pockets for his key. His hands shook. He was taking Yuuri into his room! Then he panicked. There was no key! He’d lost it! How embarrassing! Now Yuuri will walk away, disappointed in him.

His fingers closed around the key at last and he let out a sigh of relief. The door unlocked and they were inside.

Victor set the key down on the first available surface and caught Yuuri against the wall again.

“Victor…” Yuuri mumbled between kisses, “Victor…”

They needed to get out of these clothes, Victor thought feverishly. His hands slid down Yuuri’s shirt, trying to close around a button as he stuck one leg between Yuuri’s.

Yuuri broke the kiss and put a hand between them. “I need to be careful with these clothes. Phichit needs them back.” His face was red. “Please let me undress myself.”

Victor backed away. “Yes, of course.”

He watched in fascination as Yuuri set his glasses aside, unbuttoned his jacket and unzipped his pants, removing them with great care and folding them before draping them over the back of a chair. His shirt and underwear came off next. All his clothes dispensed with, he walked over to where he’d left his bag and took out a small box.

Victor stared for several moments, fascinated by Yuuri’s figure. But, as soon as the man produced the box, Victor scrambled out of his clothes, embarrassed at his own slowness. Free of his clothes at last, he joined Yuuri.

“It’s become a kind of travel pack,” Yuuri said, indicating the pouch. A light blush appeared on his cheeks. “I can’t remember when I started carrying it around with me everywhere.” He spoke as if apologizing for something. “But, at least, it has everything we need.” He demonstrated its contents to Victor. There were several bottles and a box labelled “condoms” as discretely as bright pink letters on a dark blue background allowed.

Victor forced himself not to think about all the implications of Yuuri having such a travel pack. He could worry about that tomorrow, but right now…

He caught Yuuri in another kiss and pulled him towards the bed. His back hit the bed and he closed his eyes. Yuuri’s hands slid down his sides, his knees were on either side of Victor, digging into the bed, keeping most of his weight above Victor.

Yuuri broke the kiss and slid away, stepping back off the bed, his hands trailing down to Victor’s hips where they lingered. “Do you want to start?” he asked.

Victor struggled to catch his breath. “Why don’t you?” And then, plucking up some courage, he added. “Will you give me a thorough medical exam, doctor?”

Yuuri’s face went rigid. “Please don’t do that,” he asked in a low voice.

There was no arguing with that, so Victor merely nodded.

“I have,” Yuuri said, picking up his box from the bed where he must’ve dropped it, “a bottle of edible lube and a cream that’s very good for aftercare.”

“Yes,” Victor whispered. He could feel his ears burning.

Yuuri leaned over him and raised Victor’s head gently so that he could place a pillow under it. “How is that?” he asked.

Instead of an answer, Victor pulled Yuuri down into a long kiss. He could feel himself getting impatient, but his mouth refused to let Yuuri go.

Finally Yuuri raised his head. “I’m right here,” he whispered and planted a brief kiss on Victor’s neck, then another in the middle of his chest and a third one over his stomach.

Victor gasped and moved as if someone had sent a bolt of electricity straight through him.

Yuuri’s hands slid over Victor’s hips, the thumbs rubbing circles into Victor’s bare skin, his eyes fixed on a certain spot.

After what felt like all eternity he raised them. “May I?” he whispered.

Victor nodded, his mouth too dry to speak, and braced himself.

Yuuri lowered his head and slid his lips up the very bottom of Victor’s abdomen, catching what felt like the most sensitive patch of skin.

“Yuuri!”

He raised his head and lowered it again. This time his half opened mouth touched Victor’s dick, slid up and let go.

_Are you determined to destroy me tonight? _Victor thought as he fought for air, keeping his eyes on Yuuri.

Yuuri pressed a quick kiss to one hip and, after a pause long enough for Victor to give a loud gasp, pressed a second kiss to the other one.

All the thoughts in Victor’s head were a mess. He was convinced that he’d melted on the bed, becoming a useless human puddle as Yuuri kept going.

Yuuri rubbed his nose against Victor’s hip.

“Please!” Victor managed at last, although he could hardly say what he was begging for.

But Yuuri knew perfectly well what he wanted. He knew that all he needed to do was grip Victor’s hips _just so_, lower his head _just so_, catch Victor’s dick with his mouth _just so_ and then suck, and Victor would get exactly what he’d asked for.

Victor kept gasping as his hands trailed uselessly over the bedsheets until at last they tangled themselves in Yuuri’s hair and gripped the man’s head.

Yuuri released him and raised his head.

“Yuuri…” Victor breathed out weakly.

Yuuri’s fingers scrambled around him and slid under Victor. One finger traced out the line between Victor’s butt cheeks, as if trying to slip in between them.

“Ah!”

“Will you turn over for me?” Yuuri whispered.

Victor nodded breathlessly and offered up his backside to Yuuri, which Yuuri studied thoroughly with his hands.

“Beautiful,” he whispered. Then, in a slightly embarrassed tone he added, “Obviously, every part of you is beautiful, but…” he sighed. “I’ve never seen such a beautiful bum before.”

Victor buried his face in the pillow. _It’s all yours to do with as you like, _he thought.

As if Yuuri had heard him, he slid a hand down the middle. “I’ll get you ready first, I think. Can you shift a little forward, please?”

Victor moved as far up the bed as he could, remembering to take the pillow with him while remaining on his stomach.

Yuuri sat down with great care over Victor’s legs and slid his fingers over Victor’s buttocks again. Now they were covered in cold liquid.

Victor closed his eyes and focused all of his attention on the slow, gentle rubbing. Yuuri did it all by the book, if there was such a one and if there wasn’t, then he could probably write it himself.

Everything about the way Yuuri had behaved until this moment suggested that he knew exactly how much lube he needed to rub into the skin and for how long. Victor had no doubts whatsoever that he knew what the best brands for everything were.

_Doctors recommend… _he thought despite everything and stifled a smile.

And then he felt Yuuri’s mouth where his hand had been only mere moments before and his tongue slipping in.

“Yuuri!”

He would remember ever moment of this, every wonderful second.

Some unknown amount of time later, Yuuri released him and leaned over Victor’s ear. “One second. I need to do something,” he whispered and climbed off the bed.

Victor turned to see what he was doing.

Yuuri pulled out a package of condoms and ripped it open. Then he raised his head and saw Victor watching. He held it out with a question in his eyes.

“I want to watch you put it on.” The words slipped out by themselves, but, despite the blush on his face, Victor didn’t take them back.

“Alright.” Yuuri sat down on the bed, facing Victor and keeping his legs slightly apart. He pulled the condom on with great care.

Yuuri had wonderful hands. A surgeon’s hands, Victor realized and remembered how his parents would say that a good surgeon had golden hands.

Victor turned over onto his stomach and waited.

He didn’t have to wait long. Yuuri climbed over him, whispered “may I?”, waited for a nod and then took Victor.

Victor raised himself and moved against Yuuri as the man’s hands trailed over his body. They moved slowly, breathing in time with each movement. Victor imagined them lasting all night like this.

But the night didn’t end when Yuuri pulled away. The only light in the room came from the little lamp Victor had turned on when they’d entered and the streetlights outside. Yuuri dropped onto the bed next to Victor, letting out a long breath.

Victor turned to face him and trailed his fingers over Yuuri’s cheek. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“For what?”

“For all that…” Victor was still fighting for breath. _That was amazing! Where did you learn to make love like that? _“How long was that? It felt like… I don’t know…” He put his hands over his face. That sounded really stupid, but somehow it felt as if a whole eternity had passed, but also that only one second had gone by.

Yuuri turned his head, searching around for a clock. “Two hours,” he answered at last. “Well… approximately. I happened to notice the time when I put the condom on.” He reached down and pulled it off.

“Two hours?” Victor whispered in disbelief, unable to take his eyes off Yuuri.

“Yes.” Yuuri sat up. “I got a little carried away… I almost forgot… I’ll…” He climbed off the bed to fetch another bottle.

Victor’s eyes followed his movements.

“Turn over again, please,” Yuuri said, as he returned to the bed.

Victor turned.

This time Yuuri sat on one side of him as he rubbed a cream into Victor’s skin. “You shouldn’t feel any aches tomorrow morning,” Yuuri promised.

_Except the ache in my heart, _Victor thought sadly.

Yuuri’s hands slipped down and he rubbed Victor’s right thigh and then his left. The blood rose to Victor’s face.

Yuuri released him. “Turn over again, please.”

Victor turned onto his back.

Yuuri spread Victor’s legs and slipped onto the bed between them. He raised one and placed his cheek against Victor’s calf. “This is the one you injured, right?”

Victor nodded, unable to say a word.

Yuuri pressed a kiss against Victor’s skin where the faint outline of a scar served as a reminder of the surgery he’d endured. He rubbed the cream over Victor’s legs and then leaned forward. “Your turn?”

“I…” _I can’t compete with that. _“Can we sleep now? Is that alright?” Victor asked and felt foolish. He was suddenly aware of how tired he was, but he didn’t dare confess that much to Yuuri.

Yuuri kissed Victor’s cheek. “Definitely.” He made for the bathroom where he brushed his teeth. When he returned there were water droplets on his face.

Victor followed his example and they settled down side by side on the bed, pulling the blankets over them this time.

“Here,” Yuuri called, turning onto his side and holding out his arms.

Victor slipped in between them, pressing his back against Yuuri’s stomach, and watched Yuuri’s arms close around him. Tonight he’d get to sleep in Yuuri’s warm and strong embrace. He wanted to enjoy this feeling, hold on to it forever, but his heavy eyelids dropped and sleep took him.

His one night of happiness with Yuuri was over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the songs Yuuri and Victor dance to is [Mambo Italiano](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44CQbWDDd64).


	6. Yuuri

Yuuri woke up next to someone who was already awake, but Yuuri remained somewhere between sleeping and waking. He’d had a pleasant dream and even though he couldn’t remember any of the details, he was filled with the echo of happiness.

The other person slipped carefully out of Yuuri’s embrace and crossed the room. Yuuri lay there, feeling abandoned. He wanted to go back to sleep, but his head was filled with unpleasant thoughts. He remembered about Victor and everything that had happened between them during the night.

_“Just for one night,” _he’d said and here he was – leaving.

How could he get up and carry on as normal after that?

He felt the bed lower itself. Victor was back. He shifted a little and Yuuri realized that he was trying to get closer to Yuuri, but for some reason he wasn’t moving into the circle of Yuuri’s arms. And then Yuuri realized why: he was afraid of waking Yuuri up.

“Why don’t you come back here?” he whispered and opened his arms, while still keeping his eyes closed.

Victor slipped in between them and buried his face in Yuuri’s chest.

“What time is it?” Yuuri asked, still refusing to open his eyes. Maybe if he kept them closed, they wouldn’t have to get up and they could continue lying here like this.

“10 o’clock,” Victor whispered.

“When is your return train?” He needed to know the answer now. He needed a warning ahead of time.

“At 2,” Victor answered.

Four more hours. Yuuri suppressed a sigh.

“Let’s go have breakfast?” Victor suggested.

Yuuri made a frustrated sound. “Do we have to get up?” he asked. “Why can’t we just stay like this?” With the worst possible timing, his stomach growled.

Victor giggled. “How will you have breakfast?”

Yuuri pulled Victor closer and buried his face in Victor’s hair. “I don’t need breakfast,” he insisted. “I’m not hungry.”

Victor’s hands slid around him and rubbed Yuuri’s back. “I’ll make you coffee,” he whispered into Yuuri’s ear, as if making a suggestion that wasn’t at all innocent. “How does that sound?”

He considered that. Coffee sounded like a really good idea. “Hmmm, yes, please.”

Victor slipped away, got up and disappeared somewhere. Yuuri drifted back into sleep.

An eternity passed for Yuuri, while for the outside world only 15 minutes went by. He woke up a second time.

He turned onto his back and opened his eyes. He was in Victor’s hotel room, he remembered, but it was some time before he remembered where Victor had gone.

Yuuri sat up. Had he really just sent Victor away for coffee? He dropped back onto the pillow and covered his eyes with his hands. What kind of person did that to someone they barely know?

_Not_ barely_, _Yuuri thought, remembering the night before with a blush. He didn’t have a long time to study Victor’s body, but he saw enough to learn what Victor liked. And he knew what Victor tasted like.

_He never got a turn, _Yuuri suddenly remembered as if this was an injustice that needed to be corrected at once and then he had an idea.

How long had it been since Victor had left? When would he be back?

Yuuri scrambled around frantically, nearly falling off the bed twice. The sound of approaching footsteps echoed in the hall and he cursed himself for not getting this idea faster.

This way? That way? Finally he made up his mind and settled down.

Someone knocked.

“Victor?” Yuuri called.

“It’s me.”

Yuuri turned his head and watched Victor unlock the door and walk in while trying to hold two cups in one hand. The delicious aroma of coffee wafted through the room.

Victor made a few steps into the room and froze. Behind him, the door swung closed with a loud bang. Victor’s mouth dropped open.

Yuuri could imagine what Victor saw, or, at least, what he hoped Victor saw.

Yuuri lay on his stomach, his head on the palm of one hand, the elbow of which was resting on a pillow. Several pillows lay scattered around him. The blanket slid down his back just enough to reveal the curve of his buttocks. One leg stuck out from under the blanket.

Victor set the coffee down and walked up to Yuuri with his mouth still hanging open.

“I kept the bed warm for you,” Yuuri whispered. His eyes were half-closed and his hair was dishevelled in a way that he hoped brought back memories of the night before.

“Yuuri!”

“I still have at least a dozen condoms,” Yuuri reminded him.

“Yuuri!”

He gave a light sigh. “And another bottle of lube.”

“Yuuri!”

“And… half a bottle of that cream, I think?” he scrunched up his face as if he was seriously trying to remember how much of it he’d left.

Victor began to undo the buttons of his shirt and pull it off, taking his time.

“And we have more than three hours until your train,” Yuuri reminded him with a smile.

Victor scrambled out of his clothes with impressive speed. “What – what about your coffee?” he asked, tossing the blanket out of his way.

That was a good question. Thankfully, Yuuri had a good answer already prepared. “I prefer my coffee cold when I’m covered in sweat.”

Victor leaned down and planted a kiss on each of Yuuri’s shoulders.

Yuuri closed his eyes and let out a long sigh.

Victor trailed kisses down Yuuri’s spine, pause at his lower back.

A few more seconds of their precious time slipped away.

Victor kissed one butt cheek and then the other. He raised his head and turned Yuuri over.

Yuuri stared at him in surprise, caught entirely off guard.

But Victor kept going. He kissed Yuuri’s thighs and then his hips, rubbing his hands slowly over Yuuri’s skin. His head moved slowly just above Yuuri, as if trying to pick where to aim next. Yuuri could feel Victor’s breath on his skin.

Victor pressed his mouth against Yuuri’s belly button, slid up and caught one of his nipples.

“Victor…”

One of Victor’s legs slid up between Yuuri’s and he felt the man gently nudge him with his knee. Victor’s mouth burned against Yuuri’s neck.

“Victor!” He pulled his legs to himself, letting their thighs slide against each other.

Victor’s next kiss landed behind Yuuri’s ear. “May I?” he whispered.

Yuuri nodded and gasped, “Yes!” He expected Victor to move back down, but he seemed to be content where he was and slipped one of his hands between Yuuri’s legs, under and inside Yuuri.

Yuuri gasped.

Victor’s mouth was next to his own and they gasped for air together.

He felt Victor’s fingers slip out of him and the man sat up.

Yuuri stared up at him with a dazed expression on his face.

Victor noticed what Yuuri had left for him on one of the pillows and picked one of the items up. It was a condom. He took it with both hands, trying to open it, but his fingers kept slipping over the packaging without tearing it.

Yuuri put a hand over his mouth, trying to stifle the sound of the giggles that rose in his throat.

“Stupid thing!” Victor exclaimed. Then, giving up, raised the package to his mouth and tore it open with his teeth.

All the blood rose to Yuuri’s face. He sat up to watch Victor pull it on, but that wasn’t as satisfying as the sight of Victor tearing open the package with his teeth.

The lube came next and Yuuri dropped back down onto the pillow and fought for breath as Victor used what felt like most of his bottle.

After that all Victor had to do was raise Yuuri’s legs and work his way inside.

Yuuri begged for more, refusing to let Victor go. Just a little more, just a little. Surely they had more time! Surely Victor’s train would wait for him! And if it didn’t, if it didn’t…

Victor pulled away and turned Yuuri over. He caressed Yuuri’s back with his skin, covered it with kisses and then covered him with cream until Yuuri was sure there was none left and Yuuri wept.

He buried his face in the pillow and bit down on his lower lip, but tears flowed stubbornly down his face and sobs shook his whole body.

“Yuuri?” Victor called, his voice full of worry.

He wiped his face with his hand as discreetly as he could and turned over to smile at Victor. “It must be late now,” he said. “We need to go, or they’ll charge you for checking out late from the hotel.”

Victor nodded. “Do you want to shower first?”

He accepted the offer without argument and rushed into the bathroom where he stood under the cold stream of water and let himself weep a little longer. Finally he turned the water off and climbed out.

“Everything is fine,” he told his reflections, but it stared sorrowfully back.

It was getting close to noon and they scrambled around for all their things, as they got dressed and tried their best to look presentable.

They made it just in time for the check out and decided to have breakfast at the train station, but they got stuck on their way there and had to run to make it to the train on time.

Victor sprinted down the platform, searching for his train and stepped on just as it was getting ready to go.

“Victor!” Yuuri called, running after him.

He turned and the train began to pull out of the station.

Yuuri kept running, waving with one hand.

“Thank you, Yuuri!” Victor shouted back. “Thank you so much for coming with me! I’m sorry I couldn’t repay you properly!”

Yuuri kept running. “It’s fine!” he shouted back. “Don’t worry about it! Take care!”

“Take care!” Victor smiled and something shone in his eyes. “Goodbye!”

Yuuri reached the end of the platform and shouted, “Goodbye!” into the wind, but he doubted Victor heard him.

The train disappeared in the direction of St. Petersburg, getting smaller and smaller with each passing second.

Yuuri stood with his shoulders lowered. He felt as if something important had been snatched away from him. He raised a hand and held it to his heart.

It was over. It was done.

In his other hand he still had the cup of coffee Victor had bought for him. He took a sip of it without thinking. It was still warm and very sweet.

Slowly he turned and walked back across the platform, his mind full of Victor. He’d hoped Victor would say something, but he’d acted as if this was it, as if nothing else needed to be said or done. Why hadn’t he asked if Yuuri wanted to see him again? Why did he say “thank you for coming with me” instead of something like “I enjoyed being with you”?

These thoughts and other miserable ones circled around in Yuuri’s head the whole way back to his apartment.

Once home, he tossed his bag into the very back of his closet, vowed to never take that travel pack out again and dove into his long list of chores.

It was hard to push all thoughts of Victor out of his mind. After their time here together – even with how brief it was – Yuuri couldn’t stop thinking how empty his place was. He didn’t even have a TV he could turn on to watch something that would take his mind off it all.

Instead, he hunted through the fridge for all the food he’d bought with Victor and turned it into lunches and dinners for the next few days. It was odd how each vegetable, each fruit made a memory rise in his mind. This apple brought to mind what Victor had said about apples. The tomatoes conjured up images of Victor standing in the vegetable aisle of the store.

Yuuri let out a long sigh.

It was over. It was done.

Besides, he only had to get through this one day and then he’d return to his usual work schedule and forget. And after that it wouldn’t matter anymore. Time would see to it.

His phone rang. He washed his hands and took the call. “Hello?”

“Yuuri!” It was Phichit. “How was the date?”

He wanted to say that it was fine. He wanted to act as if it had gone really well (and, in a way, it _had_), but he felt his tears rise to his eyes, threatening to choke him. “I don’t really want to talk about it right now. Sorry, Phichit. Can we talk about it later?” He would get over it in a day or two, right?

“You sound very upset. Are you alright?” Phichit asked, his voice full of concern.

“I’m fine, I just… I can’t talk about it just now, sorry.” He wanted to hang up, curl up under the blankets and sleep, but he couldn’t just ignore his friend.

“I can come see you,” Phichit offered.

“I don’t think it will help, sorry.” Yuuri let out a slow breath and then breathed in. “I need to be alone for a little while.”

“Alright. But let me know if you need something, ok?”

“Thank you.”

Another busy week followed. Yuuri worked a lot of hours and spent most of his free time sleeping, curled up under a blanket, his arms wrapped around himself. He was almost beginning to forget, he was sure of it. But then Friday came and Yuuri looked at his schedule only to discover that they changed it last minute and gave him the weekend off again.

He didn’t often get free weekends, especially not two weekends in a row. A week ago the thought of another free weekend would’ve made him thank his great luck. Now he could feel empty days stretching out ahead of him.

He sat in his kitchen, his head in his hands. He’d finished off all the food he’d bought with Victor. There was nothing left from their time together, but his memories.

Last night he’d dreamt about Victor.

_The man lay on his stomach with nothing to cover him._

_Yuuri stood less than a metre away, unable to move._

_Victor moaned and begged, but, no matter how hard Yuuri tried, he couldn’t do a thing._

It was all over between them. He had to accept it and move on.

Or did he?

Who said that this was it? They may have agreed on pretending just for the wedding, but hadn’t Victor enjoyed their time together? Wouldn’t he agree to a little more of the same? And, besides, Yuuri now had Victor’s number, which meant that all he had to do was make a single phone call.

Before he knew what he was doing, he pulled his phone out and called Victor.

“Yuuri?” his voice sounded surprised, but Yuuri was almost certain that it was a pleasant surprise.

“Hello, Victor. They gave me the weekend off,” Yuuri began, “and I just remembered that I hadn’t been in St. Petersburg in a long time. I was thinking… maybe you wouldn’t mind showing me around a little?”

“Yes!” Victor exclaimed. “I-I mean no, I wouldn’t mind. I was just… just thinking that you… we should meet again for the… um cover story.”

_Oh god, are they giving you a hard time? _Yuuri wondered. “Yes, of course.”

“When will you be here?” Victor asked.

“I was thinking of taking the overnight train,” Yuuri admitted, throwing a quick glance at the clock. There was still time. There had to be some free seats on the train, right? If all the sleeping carriages were full, he would just have to sit the whole way.

“I’ll meet you on the platform, then,” Victor promised.

And then another thought occurred to Yuuri. “I won’t be bothering you, will I?”

“No, no! Not at all!” Victor assured him.

Yuuri smiled. “Thank you.”

“See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow,” Victor repeated.

Yuuri hung up, called the station, bought a ticket and spent half an hour trying to learn how to tear a condom packet open with his teeth. Then, seeing how few he had left, he hurried out to a store down the street to refill his travel pack. He didn’t want to run out halfway through the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m about to go on a short hiatus. Hopefully in about two weeks I’ll be back with more updates. I don’t know if I will be able to post another update before I go, or if this will turn out to be the last one, in which case I’ll see you all in a bit! Thank you so much for the kind comments!!


	7. Victor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Does anyone still remember about this fic?

That Saturday morning was warm, promising another hot summer day, which was very unusual for St. Petersburg. Victor stood on the platform and waited for Yuuri’s train to arrive.

Was it really possible that he was coming _here_? At times he became sure that he’d dreamt up their phone conversation.

The train pulled into the station, taking, without a doubt, more time than any train in the history of trains to get to the right spot and stop. At last, it stopped, the doors opened and passengers began to shuffle out.

Victor’s panic returned in full force. Yuuri wasn’t coming after all, he told himself. He’d changed his mind. Victor had imagined it. It was all –

Yuuri’s face appeared in the sea of strangers. He looked tired, but then he spotted Victor and a smile spread over his face. “Victor!” he shouted.

They ran towards each other, pushing through the crowd like two swimmers lost in a tempestuous sea.

“Yuuri!” Victor exclaimed once they were reunited at last. They stopped two steps away from each other, uncertain of what to do next. Victor wanted to hug him and remembered about what he’d brought with him. He settled for holding it out instead.

Last night he thought about what to bring for Yuuri. At first he’d considered bringing flowers, but then he couldn’t decide which ones to get and he wasn’t sure how Yuuri would interpret such a gift. His parents always bought flowers for visiting relatives, but it didn’t feel right to Victor somehow. Still, he didn’t want to come empty-handed, so he had to bring _something_ and then he knew just what to get.

What does anyone want after a night of questionable sleep on a train? Coffee and some kind of breakfast.

Victor handed Yuuri the cup of coffee he’d made and took his suitcase in exchange. “I thought you will be hungry when you arrive, so I made breakfast before I came here. My apartment is only five minutes away and we can eat when we get there.”

“Thank you.” Yuuri took a sip of the coffee.

“Maybe coffee was a bad idea,” Victor realized too late. “Maybe it would’ve been better for you to sleep now? Even if for a little bit?”

Yuuri smiled. “Don’t worry about it. I was out as soon as my head hit the pillow.”

“Breakfast it is, then,” Victor said, happy they would get to spend more time together this way.

Victor drove them to his apartment, asking Yuuri about the train ride not so much out of genuine curiosity, but more to hear the sound of Yuuri’s voice. He was back. Victor’s heart leapt from joy in his chest. Yuuri was actually _here_ with him! He wanted to reach out and touch him, but focused instead on the road.

He saw Yuuri sway as he stepped out of the car and knew at once that the man was much more tired than he claimed to be.

“Maybe you should take a short nap,” Victor suggested as they walked into the apartment building and climbed the stairs.

“It’s alright,” Yuuri insisted. “I just need a cold shower and I should be fine.”

“A shower, of course!” Victor exclaimed.

_Here we are, _he suddenly thought, _walking up to my apartment and talking to each other as if we’ve known each other for a long time. How amazing is this?_

His excitement increased as he got to his door, making him nearly drop his keys. Victor blushed in embarrassment and unlocked the door.

_Oh god! I hope I’m not coming across as too eager! He must think that I can’t wait to have sex with him and the truth is that I’m all on fire. I really can’t wait to have sex with him! How horrible is that?_

He held the door open for Yuuri as the delicious smell of breakfast came out to meet them. And then someone else came to welcome them home.

The sound of running feet came before Victor could even follow Yuuri into his apartment and a large ball of brown fur flew right at Yuuri, knocking him off his feet.

“Sorry!” Victor apologized. “I forgot to warn you about…”

Yuuri lay on his back with his head reclined against the floor and laughed.

Victor stared at him for some time before he could gather enough courage to finish his sentence. “…dog.”

“And what is your name?” Yuuri asked as he tried to pet Victor’s dog.

“He’s Makkachin,” Victor told him.

Makkachin, Victor’s most loyal friend in the whole world, licked Yuuri’s face as Victor wondered if he ought to consider his dog a traitor for stealing all of Yuuri’s attention for himself. But then Makkachin turned, remembered about his owner and pounced on Victor, nearly making him lose his balance as well.

Victor laughed as he returned Makkachin’s affectionate hello and all was forgiven. “I bought him years ago,” Victor told Yuuri, “and he’s lived with me through thick and thin.”

Yuuri rose to his feet, brushing himself off. “He’s very cute! I’ve wanted a dog for as long as I remember,” he admitted.

Their eyes met and Victor felt his heart quicken.

Victor had a soft spot for all dogs. Even the ugliest possible dog would make Victor stop and go “aww!” and then pet it with lots of enthusiasm. If Yuuri had said anything against dogs everything would’ve ended right there and then, but _this_, this was destiny.

“Yeah…” Yuuri lowered his eyes sadly as he continued. “You’re lucky. I never had enough time for a dog. I don’t want him to always be alone, but my schedule is too full right now.” He sighed. “Maybe once I’m done with my degree I’ll finally buy a puppy…”

How was it possible to be so beautiful? Victor wondered, staring open-mouthed at Yuuri.

Yuuri raised his head once more and asked, “Breakfast?”

“Yes! Right!”

They washed their hands and Victor led Yuuri into the kitchen where he’d set the table for them before he left for the station. He raised the covers he’d placed over the plates and found to his great relief that the pancakes he’d made were still warm.

Two of Victor’s best plates lay on the table. Between them another dish lay, loaded with a tall tower of pancakes. Victor had arranged cups and cutlery as neatly as he could and even brought out a teapot he seldom used.

“That looks so delicious!” Yuuri exclaimed, sitting down at the table.

Makkachin settled at his feet. When Victor sat down he didn’t move to join him like he usually did.

“Makkachin really likes you,” Victor noted and passed Yuuri a bowl filled with jam. “Try the pancakes with this,” he added.

“Thank you,” Yuuri accepted the bowl. “Makkachin is a very kind dog. I can’t imagine him disliking anyone.” He peered under the table to smile at the dog.

“It took him a long time to accept most of my friends,” Victor admitted.

“Oh.” Now there was a faint blush on Yuuri’s face. “I liked him at once too.”

Victor was filled with a sudden fear of saying something stupid. He couldn’t explain where it came from, but he bit his lip to keep the words from spilling out.

They carried on in silence until they finished eating. Yuuri rose and picked up his plate.

“Please leave it all to me,” Victor insisted, rising. “You should go shower.”

“Thank you.”

He watched Yuuri walk out of the kitchen and felt his knees tremble under him again. God, he was weak!

Then, remembering himself, he washed the dishes and ran into his bedroom to change into a pair of shorts because it was going to be a hot day and not at all because they were very tight.

When Yuuri returned from his shower with water droplets still on his face, Victor remembered at once about something very urgent he needed to get from the fridge and turned his back on Yuuri as he tried to find it.

_It must be super obvious that I’m trying to seduce you, _Victor thought with embarrassment. _I should be subtle, but here I am – waving my ass in your face like the desperate, horny pathetic man that I am. _He cursed himself, wondering what he would do if Yuuri didn’t pick up on the hint and then worried what Yuuri would think if he did.

And then his thoughts cut off abruptly. Yuuri’s hand was wrapped around his waist as the man himself leaned over Victor’s ear.

“Do you need any help?”

Victor straightened up and closed the door of the fridge. He turned his eyes to Yuuri as the words “I need some help with these shorts” got stuck in his throat.

There were little water droplets in Yuuri’s eyelashes. The sight of them made Victor stare in amazement and forget everything else in the world.

Yuuri smiled. Would it be really strange if Victor fainted into Yuuri’s arms? Half his body insisted that it didn’t matter and that it was about to faint anyway.

“These shorts,” Victor finally managed, “they’re um… too tight.” The blood rose to his face, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Yuuri.

Yuuri’s hand slid around to the middle of Victor’s back, paused and then tried to slip inside Victor’s shorts. A frown appeared on Yuuri’s face. “That _is_ very tight,” he agreed. “Isn’t it uncomfortable? I hope it’s not close to cutting off your blood circulation.” And then his cheeks turned bright red.

Ignoring every protest in his mind, Victor placed a hand over Yuuri’s and slid it down over his own backside. “It’s even tighter at the bottom.”

Yuuri’s fingers tried to slip in from the bottom of Victor’s shorts and failed. Victor began to wish they were looser.

“And very, _very_ tight at the front,” Victor whispered. In that moment, he couldn’t tell if he was more terrified or turned on and the thought itself was enough to excite him even more.

Yuuri’s hand slid up and then down the very middle of Victor’s buttocks, rubbing them gently. Victor closed his eyes, breathing hard as he steadied himself against the door of the refrigerator. He should’ve picked a better spot for this.

Yuuri’s hand lingered at the bottom. Victor spread his legs apart and it slid between them and up a little.

“That can’t be comfortable,” Yuuri whispered as Victor bit down a gasp. Yuuri’s hand slipped off Victor. “Let me help you out of that.” He put his arms around Victor and suddenly Victor found himself carried by Yuuri.

Victor threw his arms around Yuuri’s neck and said nothing as Yuuri carried him to his bedroom. That had worked exactly as Victor had imagined it in his head.

Yuuri lowered Victor gently onto his bed and undid the zipper on Victor’s shorts. He pulled them off slowly, doing his best to not hurt Victor and making sure that Victor’s underwear stayed on.

Once he was free of the shorts, Victor turned over onto his stomach. He was still gasping for breath and couldn’t think of a single witty or seductive thing to say. He just hoped that the sight of his backside would speak for itself.

“You’re wearing a thong!” Yuuri exclaimed. “That takes me back!”

Victor turned over onto his back again to stare into Yuuri’s face. “It does? Did you used to wear thongs regularly?” He meant it as a kind of joke, expecting any moment now to hear that Yuuri’s exes wore thongs to their dates.

Yuuri nodded with a serious expression on his face. “On Fridays we used to have pole dancing competitions. They were much easier to do in thongs,” Yuuri explained and turned bright red. “It uh… got too hot in too much clothing.”

Victor gaped at Yuuri. “You can pole dance?”

“Yes,” Yuuri nodded. “I was the long-running champion for a while. Mostly because I got really into it and practiced a lot…”

He had a faraway look on his face and Victor hated to interrupt, but he was becoming increasingly aware of something. “Yuuri,” Victor cut in, “can I ask you for a small favour?”

“Yes?”

“Can you… Can we…” He turned his gaze away from Yuuri’s clear and sincere face, unable to keep looking at those eyes. “Can you give me a blowjob, please?”

Yuuri gave him a smile as if Victor had asked for a lift somewhere or for help with an assignment. “Of course,” he said simply and pulled Victor’s thong off with his teeth.

Two hours later Victor regretted his request, not because Yuuri hadn’t done a good job – no, sex with Yuuri continued to be as mind-blowing as ever – but because he kept begging for more, only to remember too late that Yuuri had come here to see St. Petersburg.

_Oh god! He’ll think I only agreed to this so he can have sex with me!_

Victor cursed himself over and over again, but it didn’t help. It didn’t make him want Yuuri any less. It didn’t make letting Yuuri go any easier.

When, at last, they did go out into the city, Victor was conscious of every single time Yuuri looked at him and wondered what he saw. Was Yuuri enjoying their little tour of the city? Or was he regretting asking Victor to show him around?

Victor was a poor tour guide. He knew where the main attractions were, of course, but he knew very little about them, certainly not enough to explain what they were and how they got there. He knew nowhere near enough to get Yuuri to listen to him with open admiration.

_This is just an extension of that date, _Victor thought sadly. _No one from the wedding really cares about my cover story and there’s no point in pretending anymore. It’s not as if anyone actually cares about my personal life. _He remembered about Chris, but he could always say that they’d broken up and leave it at that.

They stopped at a café to grab lunch and while Yuuri went to wash his hands, Victor sat at the table, buried deep in sad thoughts.

Sure he was easily turned on by Yuuri and the man was good with dogs, but it was all bound to fall apart any day now. All this was just an infatuation and nothing more. In two or three weeks he will get over it and then he will feel embarrassed for everything he’d said and done.

Yuuri returned and they ate their lunch in silence.

“Where do you want to go next?” Victor asked, desperate for something to say.

“I was thinking we could take a walk,” Yuuri admitted. “Do you know a good place for one? Maybe we can also take Makkachin with us?”

Victor was all too happy to agree to that.

They returned to Victor’s apartment to get Makkachin and Victor took them to a park nearby that was his favourite place in the whole city and where they made friends with every single dog they met.

Once they reached the emptiest part of the park, Yuuri whispered, “I found some soft rope that I bought years ago and thought I’d bring it with me. Do you want to try it?” he offered.

Victor stared at him in amazement. “Try what? Rope for what?”

A blush appeared on Yuuri’s cheeks. “Sorry,” he looked away, “I thought you knew. It’s fine, really. Forget what I said.”

Several minutes of puzzled silence followed as Victor tried and failed to guess at Yuuri’s meaning. Why would Yuuri bring a rope? It sounded as if he wanted Victor to check how strong it was. But why would he ask Victor to do that? He was a retired figure skater not a rope expert.

They walked back to Victor’s apartment and still the questions went round and round in his mind. He made for the kitchen to cook dinner, but the question of the rope kept coming back.

“Can you… Look, I must be very stupid, but why did you mention a rope?”

He watched Yuuri sit down and adjust the items on the table, as if it was suddenly very important that everything was neat. “It’s not important,” he insisted.

Victor sat down across from him. “It’s going to bother me all day long,” he confessed.

Yuuri threw him a quick glance and slid the teapot towards the wall. “It’s …um…it’s for sex.”

Now Victor was even more confused. “You want to tie us to each other? But we won’t be able to do anything… I mean…” he blushed, “you’ll have to leave our hands free, or something…” His brain got really confused as he tried to paint himself an image and failed. He couldn’t imagine what they could do with the rope that would make things easier. Every single image conjured up by his mind only seemed to make things more difficult.

“Well…” Yuuri said, sliding the breadbasket over to join the teapot, “some people enjoy having sex while they’re tied down. Or, or one of them is. Tied down, I mean.”

“They do?”

Yuuri nodded.

And then Victor thought he understood. “Do you?”

The colour rose to Yuuri’s cheeks. “I never tried it,” he admitted.

An awkward silence followed those words and Victor tried to think of something to say next.

“It’s… Forget I said anything,” Yuuri said at last, his face bright red now. “It was stupid. Just forget it.” He traced the pattern on the tablecloth with his finger. Several seconds passed and he began talking about the dogs they’d seen in the park.

_He wants to try it, _Victor thought. _And I can’t help it: I’m a little curious too._

They made dinner together, continuing the conversation about dogs as if there hadn’t been any talk about ropes at all. They ate and cleared the table, still talking about all those dogs. Victor washed the dishes as Yuuri sat back down.

Victor put the last plate away and walked up to Yuuri, took one of his hands and raised it to place it against his lips. “I want to try the rope,” he announced.

Yuuri’s free hand trailed over the belt of Victor’s pants. “Are you sure?” he asked in a low voice.

“Yes.”

Yuuri rose to his feet and made for Victor’s bedroom. Victor followed close behind him. Yuuri searched among his things until he found the rope he’d talked about and handed it to Victor.

The rope looked ordinary enough to Victor’s eye. It was red and felt nice to the touch. Victor wrapped it experimentally around his wrist and pulled on it.

“It won’t leave burn marks,” Yuuri explained, “and it shouldn’t tear easily.”

“What do I do now?” Victor asked.

“I think we should first decide which of us will be tied up,” Yuuri suggested.

The answer to that seemed simple enough: “Me, of course,” Victor said. “If I tie you up, I won’t know what to do next.”

Yuuri nodded. “Sit down,” he ordered.

Victor’s knees gave out under him and he dropped onto the bed.

“Fold your arms behind your back,” was Yuuri’s next order.

“Like this?” He folded his arms behind himself and watched Yuuri fuss over him. The red rope looped around his torso in tight circles.

“How is this?” Yuuri asked, pulling on the rope to check how it was tied. “Not too tight?”

“It’s fine,” Victor assured him. “Now what?”

Yuuri took his glasses off and set them on the bedside table. He removed his pants and then raised his arms and pulled his shirt off. His underwear followed soon after. He undressed in the calmest way imaginable as if he was putting on a suit for an important meeting.

Victor breathed louder. He couldn’t explain why watching Yuuri undress in such a calm way to have sex with him was having such a strong effect on him, but it was.

Yuuri walked over to him with slow, measured steps.

A bead of sweat trickled down Victor’s back.

Yuuri put a hand on each of Victor’s thighs and he spread his legs apart, stepping up to stand between them. He wrapped his arms around Victor’s neck and leaned in close, as if to kiss him, but at the last possible moment he stopped himself and slid a thumb over Victor’s lips instead.

“Do you want a kiss?” he asked.

“Yes…” Victor answered in a hoarse voice.

“You are always so demanding. I’ll bet one kiss won’t be enough for you.” He pressed his lips against the side of Victor’s mouth just as he slid one hand down, starting at Victor’s stomach and ending somewhere between Victor’s legs.

Victor opened his mouth to let out a loud gasp and his lips slid against Yuuri’s.

Yuuri’s hands moved over Victor’s pants, as if about to undress him, but never quite getting there.

Normally, when he got too impatient with his partners, Victor could remove all his clothes himself, but not with his arms tied. Now Yuuri could change his mind, release him and walk away and Victor would be unable to do a thing to stop him. Now he was completely at Yuuri’s mercy.

He gasped a second time.

Yuuri took his head with both hands and pushed their mouths together in one long kiss that was all tongues as his lower body pushed against Victor.

He could do this forever, Victor thought desperately. Yuuri could tease him like this for hours and hours. He could spend the whole night caressing and touching Victor, but all without taking him. The thought made Victor’s head spin and his breathing speed up.

“God!” Yuuri gasped. “I didn’t think you had such a strong bondage kink!” He shifted away and rubbed Victor’s back with a big smile on his face.

For a moment, the spell was broken. Sweet Yuuri was before him once more and Victor could breathe a little easier.

“Do you want me to undress you?” Yuuri offered. “You must be very uncomfortable.”

His pants were too tight, Victor realized, and yet, somehow, his brain had completely failed to register the fact. “No, it’s … it’s fine. I mean… you can keep going.”

“Keep going?” Yuuri raised an eyebrow.

“You know – just keep doing what you’re doing,” Victor explained.

A blush appeared on Yuuri’s cheeks. “I don’t think I can. I’d rather take your clothes off now, if you don’t mind?”

They stared at each other in silence for several seconds and then both broke out into laughter.

“I take it the rope was a success?” Yuuri asked and reached around Victor to untie it.

“Yes. How did… How did you know what to do?” Victor asked, flushing at how close Yuuri was.

Yuuri gave a half-shrug. “I saw it in a porn movie.”

“A porn movie?” Victor repeated.

“Yeah.” Yuuri gave him a grin and pulled the rope off Victor. He reached for Victor’s pants, but Victor caught him by the wrists. There was a story here and he wanted to hear all of it. “I had a roommate once,” Yuuri went on, seeing the question in Victor’s eyes, “who enjoyed watching porn. He used to invite me to watch it with him. At first I thought he meant to have sex with me while we watched it, but, no – he would sit there with a super serious look on his face and make comments as if critiquing it.”

Victor laughed. “Critique? Really?”

“Yeah,” Yuuri nodded. “He was a film major. Anyway, after seeing a couple of movies I started to fall asleep when we sat down to watch them.”

“What?” Victor gave an embarrassed laugh. “Really?”

“They weren’t very good movies,” Yuuri admitted.

“Is that why –” Victor cut himself off abruptly and then, seeing that it was too late to take his words back, continued, “is that why you’re so good at sex?”

Yuuri blushed. “Well… Could be, I suppose, but…” He slid his palms over Victor’s chest, “I think it’s more down to your reactions, really…”

Victor didn’t know what to say to that. He also didn’t know what to say when Yuuri, without any warning at all, got very technical with him, jumping into medical terminology to explain… Victor wasn’t sure what. He nodded with his mouth slightly open and hoped everything would start making sense soon.

“Sorry!” Yuuri exclaimed. “I didn’t mean to bore you like that! Let’s talk about something else.”

“No, no!” Victor protested. “Please, keep talking.” He didn’t need to understand what Yuuri was saying to see the enthusiasm burning in his eyes.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Yuuri gave him a sly look. “I thought you’d want to have sex with me now.”

Victor pulled his shirt off and tossed it carelessly aside. “Let’s do that first then and you can talk afterwards.”

But exhaustion took them as soon as they finished and they passed out with their arms around each other.

The morning after it was all forgotten and, as they made breakfast together, their conversation was on more innocent, everyday topics.

Victor watched Yuuri eat with a sinking feeling in his stomach. Here they were at a Sunday again and it was all over. Would Yuuri agree to meet again? He doubted it. The way Yuuri talked about having sex made Victor suspect that it didn’t matter much who his partner was.

_It’s a huge inconvenience to come all this way just to have sex with someone, _Victor thought. _There must be lots of handsome young men in Moscow all too eager to be his partners. He’ll see that soon enough, if he hasn’t seen it yet._

He suppressed a sigh. Now what? Should he try to come up with an excuse to come see Yuuri, or was it better to just end it all here?

Their time together was running out.

“Yuuri… um…” Victor bit his lip.

“What’s wrong?” There was that clear, innocent gaze again that made Victor doubt for a moment if last night had really happened.

“I was just thinking…” _Since you’re about to leave and I have no idea if we’ll see each other again, _“if you don’t mind…” _you won’t mind, right? You seem to enjoy experimenting._

“What is it?” Yuuri moved a little closer and smiled. “Did you want me to…” He left the question hanging and watched to see what Victor would say next.

_Come on, Victor, _he urged himself, _you have to do this! _“I’ve …um… fantasized… uh… quite a lot of times, actually…” _god! This is so embarrassing! _“about someone um… doing me against a wall…” He didn’t dare continue. He couldn’t meet Yuuri’s eye and just dropped his head, feeling extremely embarrassed of himself.

Yuuri rose from his seat and walked over to him. He put a hand under Victor’s chin and raised it. “Let’s do it,” he whispered.

Victor got to his feet, trembling, barely strong enough to keep standing. Yuuri caught him in a kiss. He didn’t hold back and refused to let Victor go and Victor felt himself melt under Yuuri’s touch.

Yuuri stepped forward and gently pushed Victor back until his back was pressed against a wall. One of Yuuri’s knees nudged Victor’s legs, waited for him to spread them and then pushed its way between them.

Victor broke the kiss and gasped. “Yuuri! I…!”

One of Yuuri’s hands scrambled over the zipper of Victor’s pants.

_Now! _Victor thought as he breathed louder. _Oh my god! He’s actually going to do it now!_

Yuuri undid the zipper and pulled Victor’s pants down off his hips as Victor gasped for air. For several moments he couldn’t tell what was happening and then he became aware of Yuuri’s fingers inside him.

They gasped together.

“Do you want me to take my clothes off too?” Yuuri asked, his forehead pressed against Victor’s.

“No… this is… this is… good! Ah!” _So good!_ He struggled for air before finally managing to say, “You’ll miss your train if we don’t hurry.”

Yuuri slipped his hand out slowly, passing under Victor and then up over him. “Go, take a shower,” he whispered. “I still have time.”

Twenty minutes and two cold showers later, they were both at the station. This time they were a little early and Yuuri had a half hour still to wait for his train.

They paced the length of the platform arm in arm, as if out for the most casual stroll imaginable.

“I was thinking…” Yuuri began. “I doubt they’ll give me the next weekend too, but maybe the next time I’m free, we could meet again? What’s your schedule like?”

Victor was about to protest, but he wanted this too strongly to argue. “I don’t really have set hours and all my evenings are free.”

“Ok,” Yuuri nodded. “Then let’s keep doing this.” He stopped and looked into Victor’s face. “What do you think?”

Victor blushed. “You mean…” He began, unable to finish his question. Then, afraid that Yuuri would take the offer back, he nodded. “Yes! Let’s do this again! _Please_.”

Yuuri smiled and gave another nod. “Ok!”

They walked back the other way and Yuuri stopped in front of one of the shop windows, their conversation seemingly forgotten.

Victor studied his face for a while before turning his head to see what caught Yuuri’s eye. It was an ordinary display of stationery – from notebooks to pencils, all of which were completely unremarkable.

“One second,” Yuuri excused himself, letting Victor go and entering the shop.

Victor watched without a word.

Yuuri’s thoughts had already returned to med school. There he was – buying supplies as if they’d been on a shopping trip and not just making plans for meeting again.

When Yuuri walked out, Victor entertained the brief hope that he’d give a good excuse for rushing off, but Yuuri merely led the way back to the platform without saying a word about his purchase.

His train pulled into the station, filling the air with noise.

“Until the next time,” Yuuri said and put his arms around Victor. “I’ll bring the rope again,” he whispered into Victor’s ear, pulling one hand through his hair. “You’ll like that, won't you?”

Victor nodded, feeling weak again.

Yuuri caressed Victor’s cheek with his fingers. He pulled away and boarded the train, throwing only one glance back over his shoulder

Victor watched with his mouth partially open. Part of him demanded he follow Yuuri onto the train and all the way back to Moscow, but his legs refused to carry him.

This time, despite the promise to see each other again, their separation filled him with pain.


	8. Yuuri

_After all the success with the rope, I brought it along with me the next time Victor and I met. This time I tied his arms behind his back again and got him to drop to his knees. In this position he gave me a blowjob until I began to worry for his knees. I wonder if Victor knows how good he is with his mouth._

_I wore him out tonight and he fell asleep from exhaustion._

A hand slid against Yuuri’s thigh and he heard Victor’s sleepy voice ask, “What are you doing, Yuuri?”

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Yuuri asked. He’d turned on a small light at the bedside table and reached out now to turn it off.

“What are you…?” Victor raised himself on his elbows and opened his eyes fully, taking in the sight of Yuuri sitting propped up against a pillow with his notebook open on his knees. “Are you studying?” Victor asked. “Do you have an exam soon?”

“No, no, I’m not studying,” Yuuri assured him. “I just couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d do a little bit of writing.”

Victor sat up with his back to the pillow and put his arms around Yuuri as he rested his chin on Yuuri’s shoulder. Yuuri turned his head and watched Victor frown as he tried to read what Yuuri had written. “What are you writing?”

“Well… I suppose you could call it a sex diary,” Yuuri confessed.

“Sex diary?” Victor asked in disbelief. He trailed a finger down one of the pages. “Do you write about everything we do?”

“Yes,” Yuuri nodded. “I’m not very good at writing, though, and I only started it with you. I don’t… I don’t normally keep this for all my partners.”

“Why?” Victor asked. “I mean: why did you decide to keep one now?”

Yuuri had to admit that it was a good question. The idea had come to him when he’d spotted the notebook in the shop at the train station and it had just felt right, so he hadn’t questioned it at the time. “To record everything, I suppose. To keep a record of everything we’ve tried and your reactions to each new thing. It’s to help me think of more things to try.” He flipped through the pages. “I made diagrams too.”

Victor took the notebook out of Yuuri’s hands and studied the pictures Yuuri had made. “You’re very good at drawing,” he said with a faint blush on his cheeks.

“I just thought that I might as well record all our positions too,” Yuuri explained.

Victor flipped to other pages. “I never thought you’d approach sex so scientifically.”

“Why not?”

Victor couldn’t answer that question and Yuuri considered the argument won.

“I have to admit that I like rereading it,” Yuuri added.

“I can’t read your writing,” Victor admitted after a short pause and handed the notebook back to Yuuri.

“That’s because it’s all in short form,” Yuuri explained. “I don’t want anyone else to read it.”

“Will you read it to me?” Victor asked.

Yuuri eyed the notebook doubtfully. “I’m not very good at writing,” he excused himself. In fact, when he’d started out he’d written the whole thing in point form, which he soon figured out was a bad idea.

“I still want to hear it,” Victor insisted.

“Alright.” He flipped over to his latest entry. He stared at it for several seconds, chewing his lip thoughtfully. He threw a quick glance in Victor’s direction and saw him prop his head up with his hand. Yuuri drew in a slow breath and read what he’d written aloud.

“_After all the success with the rope, I brought it along with me the next time Victor and I met. This time I tied his arms behind his back again and got him to drop to his knees. In this position he –_”

His voice got caught in his throat. Victor’s free hand slid around his thigh and stroked him gently.

“Keep going,” he whispered.

“I don’t know what’s the best way to describe it,” Yuuri apologized.

Victor closed his eyes. “Like burning and melting at the same time,” he suggested in a whisper.

“I don’t mean describing how it feels. I want to describe what we did. I’m not sure if it’s better to say “Victor gave me a blowjob” and leave it at that, or if I should describe what exactly you do with your mouth. What do you think?”

Victor’s eyes snapped open and he stared up at Yuuri. “What do _you_ think?” he asked in return.

“I… I don’t know…” Yuuri responded, caught off guard by the counter question.

“Well, let’s see, shall we?” Victor stroked Yuuri’s hips with his thumbs, regarding his dick with a lot of interest. Finally he leaned close and caught it with his mouth.

Yuuri gasped. He reached down and placed his hands over Victor’s, which tightened their grip on him as he sucked harder. “Victor! Dear god, Victor!”

He released Yuuri and sat up. “Do you think you can describe that with just the word blowjob?” Victor breathed heavily. “Or should I do that again?”

Yuuri put a hand over Victor’s mouth. “Hold on.” He raised one leg to put it around Victor’s head and turned over onto his stomach. He picked up his notebook and began to take notes.

_Victor never does the same thing twice, _he wrote. _I’m not sure which he enjoys more – _

He gasped. Victor pressed his face between Yuuri’s buttocks.

“Victor…”

“Are you writing about this too?” he whispered, pulling away and then climbing up on the bed to lean over Yuuri’s ear. “Or did you find your answer?” Victor’s hands stroked Yuuri’s hips and buttocks. “Do you want to try writing about what we do as I do it to you?”

Yuuri tossed his notebook aside. “Take me,” he whispered. “You’re right – I can write about all this later.”

Victor laughed, but Yuuri didn’t need to ask twice.

_He took his time with me after that. First he started with kissing my nipples, but then his mouth moved down the middle of my chest, to my stomach. He stopped at my belly button and, probably feeling impatient, leapt down to my –_

The sound of a door opening made Yuuri raise his head from the notebook in his hands.

A nurse entered the room, bringing him back to the present where he wasn’t in bed with Victor, but in a hospital in Moscow.

He closed his notebook and put it away in his bag.

“Good afternoon, Dr. Katsuki! I hope I’m not disturbing you. What were you reading?” the nurse asked with an innocent smile on her face.

“Just going over my notes on anatomy,” Yuuri told her with barely a second to think. “I like to read them over before a surgery. It helps me feel more ready.”

“Dr. Katsuki,” the nurse exclaimed in admiration, “you’re the most dedicated person I've ever met! Everyone I’ve met who was going through their residency here was only interested in sex and nothing else! It’s such a disgrace!”

Yuuri murmured something incoherent in an attempt to defend them and to insist that it couldn’t possibly be the case, which dissolved into a thank you as his brain treacherously replayed the memory of the feel of Victor’s lips on his dick.

_No, _he decided, _blowjob doesn’t cover it at all. I’ll have to write out everything he does._

He set those thoughts aside for the present and followed the nurse out. A patient was waiting for him.

It was the middle of the week and Yuuri, finding himself with a single free day – or, in other words, some free time, but not enough to go see Victor – decided to catch up on all the chores that needed doing.

His apartment was small. It took only a few hours to wash it all and not much longer for him to get through the laundry. That done, Yuuri decided to do some shopping and, on a whim, entered a bookstore.

(In St. Petersburg at this very moment Victor was entering a bookstore himself.)

Yuuri walked through aisles filled with books, glancing at a cover here and at another one over there. Then, an aisle label caught his eye and he made straight for it. His eyes passed over several shelves before stopping on the spine of a single book. Its cover was pink. Yuuri pulled it off the shelf and flipped through it with the studious expression of someone flipping through a textbook.

(A book with a pink cover caught Victor’s eye. He threw a cautious glance around himself, made sure no one could see him and then pulled the book down off the shelf. He glanced to the right and then to the left, made sure that there was still no one there and opened the book. He read the first few sentences, skimmed through the next paragraph, flipped ahead and stared at a diagram with his mouth open.

The blood rushed to his face and he closed the book hastily. He stuck it back on the shelf and tried to look as if he’d never even heard of the book. He turned away and walked off, whistling nonchalantly.)

Yuuri closed the book with a satisfied nod and carried it to the cashier’s desk where he bought it with the air of someone buying a volume that contained the complete works of Dostoevsky.

The cashier sold the book to him with a bored expression on his face, not even bothering to put on a smile.

(Victor walked back, took the book off the shelf, blushed, fretted. He looked around. Still there was no one. He clutched it with both hands to hide the title and made for the cashier’s desk. He waited for there to be no one there, briefly considered buying a thick volume of the history of the Romanovs to try to distract from this book, gave up and walked to the cashier with his book in his hand.

He put it down in front of her, saw that it was a stern-looking old lady and prepared to make a run for it.

“I… I… uh….” He tried to come with an excuse, any excuse, but nothing came to mind.

“480 rubles,” she said.

“What?”

“Four hundred and eighty rubles,” she repeated slowly, looking him dead in the eye.

“Right.” He pulled out his wallet, almost dropped it, handed her his credit card and waited for her to lecture him.

She made sure the payment went through, asked him if he wanted a bag and turned away, losing all interest in him immediately.

Victor almost ran from the store, slipping the book inside his jacket.)

When Yuuri returned home, he sat down at a desk in his room and flipped through the pages slowly, taking notes on everything that caught his eye.

Four days later they met again. This time Yuuri tied a blindfold over Victor’s eyes. Victor sat on the bed and Yuuri climbed on behind him.

Victor was very tense. Yuuri could see it in the line of his shoulders.

“I won’t hurt you,” he whispered into Victor’s ear. “Don’t you trust me?”

“Yes…” Victor breathed out, but the tension was still there.

Yuuri rubbed his shoulders. “Spread your legs,” he ordered.

Victor did.

_Now he’ll expect me to touch him down there, _Yuuri thought. He let his thumb slide down the side of Victor’s neck. He took his hand away, sat still as if trying to decide what to do next and climbed off the bed.

“I’ll be right here,” he promised.

Now where had he left it? Oh yes. He picked up a feather and walked back to Victor.

He held his breath and was careful to make no sound before reaching out and letting the feather tickle the side of Victor’s face, then his neck and finally brush against the middle of Victor’s chest. He had to know it was a feather now.

A blush spread over Victor’s cheeks. His breathing quickened.

_I never thought a feather would have such an effect on you. _He tossed it aside, suddenly feeling very frustrated with it. He licked his right thumb and rubbed it over one of Victor’s nipples.

“Page 53!” Victor suddenly gasped out.

Yuuri snatched his hand away. “What?”

Victor pulled his blindfold off and gave Yuuri an embarrassed look. “I… uh… I bought a book about kinks, thinking it would… you know… be good for ideas. And …um… there was one thing they described that I really liked. I…can’t remember what it was called, but it was on page 53 and because I kept flipping to it, I remembered the page number instead.” He got off the bed and scrambled around for the book, but Yuuri already knew that it would turn out to be the same one he’d bought.

_A Dummy’s Guide to Kinks, _the cover read and the text under it boasted that it contained a thorough description of all the best things two people could do (with an appendix for groups of more than two people). Yuuri had approached it scientifically, but even he needed to take a cold shower after he’d read some of the descriptions.

Now he couldn’t help but feel a touch of pride at the fact that the one he’d picked to try first was the same one Victor had singled out as his favourite.

“Alright,” Yuuri said, “since you know how this goes, why don’t we make a little game of it?”

“Game?” Victor echoed. The blush spread down his face and to his neck.

“Yes,” Yuuri nodded. “You will think of what you want me to do next and I will try to guess what it is. Then you will say “yes” or “no” to tell me if I got it right.” He held up the blindfold. “Put it back on, please.”

Victor took it with a nod.

“Be honest.”

“I promise.”

He tied the blindfold on and Yuuri thought about what to do next. He watched Victor spread his legs once more and imagined what the man wanted next. It was easy to guess.

“Did you think of something?”

Victor swallowed and Yuuri watched his Adam’s apple go up and down. “Yes.”

_No, _Yuuri suddenly thought. _I’ll surprise him. That will work much better, I’m sure of it._

He stepped between Victor’s legs and caressed the side of his face. _What a beautiful jawline!_ He suddenly thought and pressed a kiss to Victor’s jaw, then another and another, moving from his chin up to his ear. He paused by Victor’s ear and caught his earlobe with his lips.

“Yes…” Victor whispered and Yuuri froze.

“I guessed correctly?” he murmured against Victor’s ear.

“Yes.” He sounded honest enough and Yuuri decided not to argue. Besides, if he did decide to argue, he suspected that it would kill the mood entirely.

“Good…” He dropped his hands down to caress Victor’s thighs. “Think of something else,” he whispered.

Victor’s forehead wrinkled with the effort. “Okay…” he stammered out.

Yuuri pulled his hands away from Victor’s skin. He took one of Victor’s hands in both of his own and stuck two of his fingers into his own mouth.

“Yes…” Victor whispered again.

_I can’t have guessed it again! _Yuuri thought with a touch of desperation. _That’s not possible!_

But why would Victor lie? He pulled his fingers out of Yuuri’s mouth and let his thumb trace the curve of Yuuri’s lips, before parting them and slipping inside.

Yuuri wondered now which of them was winning this little game, if it could really be called that.

He licked Victor’s thumb hungrily, suddenly all too aware himself that he was ready to drop to his knees to suck Victor dry.

He realized then that he was sucking Victor’s thumb.

Victor’s free hand dragged through his hair. “Yuuri…” he whispered. “Why don’t you take what you want? You know you can have it.”

Yuuri pulled Victor’s hand out of his mouth and kissed him, pushing his whole body against Victor’s. He pulled away sharply, suddenly realizing that Victor’s hand was sliding down his back.

Victor was still blindfolded and Yuuri had something else in store for him. But, no, he couldn’t use it, he told himself. He couldn’t. He had to end this all now, take the blindfold off and just be gentle for the rest of the night.

But Victor smiled and said, “I want you to hit me.”

Yuuri froze. How had Victor guessed what was on his mind? Was it the same reason why he’d guessed what Victor wanted? Were there signs each of them was giving the other without realizing it that their minds were picking up on?

“Hit me,” Victor repeated and licked his lips, “please.”

“How can I say no to a request like that?” Yuuri asked in a tone he hoped sounded light and easy and didn’t give away how hard his heart was beating in that moment.

He breathed slowly and watched Victor’s body. He’d thought about this before. _Here goes, _he thought and swung out his hand and hit Victor’s cheek.

“Like that?”

“Harder,” Victor pleaded as a red spot appeared on his cheek.

“But then your face will be bruised!” Yuuri protested.

“You can cover it with one of your miracle creams later,” Victor reassured him.

_I’d sooner cover your face with kisses, _Yuuri thought and pressed his lips to where Victor’s face burned. _But we’re together to have fun, aren’t we? _He held Victor close. _I must do it. I have to give him what he wants. _He closed his eyes. _I want it too._

But not the face He didn’t want to see Victor with a beaten up face.

He released Victor and stepped away. “Lie down on your stomach.”

Victor obliged with an enthusiasm that suggested that he knew what Yuuri was about to do and he welcomed it.

Yuuri stepped away with as little noise as possible and searched among his things until he found the item he was looking for.

It made a whistling sound as it swung through the air and hit Victor’s left butt cheek.

Victor gasped and then turned over sharply, nearly throwing Yuuri off the bed, but succeeding in catching him at the last moment. “What –” He raised his blindfold and stared up at Yuuri with his mouth open.

Yuuri held the riding crop with two hands and put on a stern expression. “You really are very disobedient. It’s beginning to try my patience!”

He didn’t need to look at Victor’s face: he could feel Victor’s reaction this time.

“You have… a _riding crop_?” Victor chocked out

Yuuri tapped it lightly against the open palm of his hand. “I do.”

“I’ve been very disobedient and I want you to hit me as hard as you can!” Victor exclaimed with a sudden enthusiasm.

Yuuri nodded with a smile. “As you wish.”

But ten minutes later he couldn’t do it any longer. He saw how red Victor’s skin was and Victor’s pleas for more weren’t enough to keep him going. He tossed the riding crop aside and armed himself with several bottles instead.

“Does it hurt?” he asked, rubbing one of the creams into Victor’s skin.

Victor’s only response was a long moan and Yuuri remembered that it wasn’t just any skin he was rubbing, but the skin on Victor’s buttocks. He rubbed more cream on and wondered if there was any way to do it without getting Victor so excited. _You get turned on too easily, _he thought and gave his head a little shake.

“Take me…” Victor pleaded.

The following morning Yuuri saw Victor wince as he sat down and felt a sharp pang of guilt.

“_Technically_ I shouldn’t be doing this,” Yuuri said, taking a sticky note from Victor’s fridge and writing something down, “but I think I’m allowed to bend the rules in a situation like ours.” He handed the note to Victor. “Go to the pharmacy today and buy this. Apply it three times a day. If it still hurts the next time we meet, tell me and I won’t touch any of the sore areas.”

“But!” Victor began to protest.

“No, no,” Yuuri shook his head. “I’m serious. Take care of yourself, Victor. Roleplay is fine, but not if you get injured in the process.” He raised Victor’s chin. “Alright?”

Victor nodded. “Alright.”

Yuuri’s notebook filled up quickly. Every time he had two free days in a row he went up to St. Petersburg and, as he wrote in his journal, finished off another box of condoms. He made note of all of Victor’s reactions, what had him beginning and pleading, and what got nothing but loud gasps out of him.

“I could write a scientific paper on your orgasms,” Yuuri told Victor one morning.

Victor turned onto his side and stared into Yuuri’s face. “Is that why you’re writing everything down?”

“No,” Yuuri laughed at the idea. “I guess…” He sat up and leaned against his pillow as he pulled his fingers through Victor’s hair, “I guess what I want is some record of all we’ve done so I could relive it again when I’m alone.”

Victor buried his face in Yuuri’s chest. He raised his head. “Do you think you could make me a copy? I want a record too.”

He continued to brush his fingers through Victor’s hair, giving a half-smile to avoid answering that question. “Victor… don’t take this the wrong way,” he finally said, “but have you had a medical exam recently? I don’t mean a standard checkup.”

Victor blinked up at him. “Why?”

“I was just thinking…” Yuuri said and, for some reason, the thought made him blush a little, “we’ve been doing this for a while now and – if you want to keep going and, if you don’t mind trusting me – maybe we don’t need to use condoms anymore? Unless… unless you plan to have other partners? Or have other partners right now?”

Victor sat up and stared at him with a faint blush on his cheeks. “Of course I haven’t had any partners all this time!” he exclaimed and turned away, fidgeting. “I mean, it seems wrong to have multiple partners at the same time. Don’t you think so?”

Yuuri considered this. “Well… depends on the circumstances. I mean, if everyone knows…” He trailed off, seeing by the expression on Victor’s face that there was no way to change his mind. “I haven’t had any other partners while we’ve been together.”

Victor had an odd expression on his face and it occurred to Yuuri that the man may have misunderstood.

“Obviously, we both need to get a medical exam and –”

“This feels so intimate…” Victor whispered.

Yuuri shrugged. “We don’t have to do this.” He tried to sound as nonchalant as possible, but he knew that he didn’t want Victor to turn him down.

Victor took Yuuri’s hands and gave them a strong squeeze. “I want to!” There was so much breathless excitement in his voice that it took all of Yuuri’s self-control to keep from taking Victor once more.

That was why he kept returning to Victor, Yuuri realized: that pure enthusiasm. He’d spent so much time in the last few years with people who sounded tired or bored with everything around them that Victor’s enthusiasm was a welcome respite.

“You’re excited now,” Yuuri whispered, “but wait until you try it.”

Victor shifted closer. “I want to introduce you to my pupil!” he suddenly declared. “I just remembered that I promised him to do it and almost forgot.”

“You told him about me?” Yuuri asked in surprise.

“Yes, well…” Victor blushed. “I had to tell him a few times why I was late and your name came up…”

“What did you tell him about me?” Yuuri asked, suddenly engulfed by a wave of panic. “Didn’t you say that he’s a little child? I hope you didn’t tell him about… all this.” He made a gesture that took in both his and Victor’s naked bodies.

“Oh no!” Victor exclaimed. “I… uh… told him you’re my boyfriend. It’s sort of true now, isn’t it?”

Yuuri then had one of those “how did we end up like this?” moments. How _had_ they ended up like this? “It is sort of true, yeah,” he agreed. He wasn’t sure what else to call it. The phrase “friends with benefits” presented itself for his consideration, but he brushed it aside.

“He’s not really a little child,” Victor added. “He’s fifteen and he’s making his senior debut soon.”

“You’re coaching a teenager?” Yuuri asked. “That must be very hard.”

Victor laughed. “It isn’t easy, I admit, but he works hard and he wants to do well, so that’s one battle I don’t need to fight.”

_He’s giving you a hard time, isn’t he? _Yuuri thought. He put his hands on the bottom of Victor’s neck and slid their tips up over his skin, into his hair and let them stay there.

Victor gasped.

Yuuri leaned down and pressed a kiss to his temple. “You better get up. You don’t want to miss practice.”

Their eyes met and for a moment Yuuri couldn’t shake the feeling that they were looking into the depths of each other’s souls. It was an odd idea, of course.

“Yeah…” Victor whispered, turning his head and breaking eye contact. He slipped off the bed and walked towards the bathroom.

From his position, propped up by the pillow, Yuuri had a good view of Victor from behind. This time Yuuri didn’t think about how attractive he was. He wondered, instead, if it was his imagination, or if there was something sad in the line of Victor’s shoulders.

Victor stopped at the doorway to his bathroom and gave a sad sigh. He didn’t even look back before the door closed behind him.

Yuuri bolted from the bed and followed Victor into the bathroom. He watched Victor turn the tap on and check the temperature before switching to the showerhead.

Without stopping to consider what he was about to do, Yuuri stepped into the shower after Victor. He put his arms around Victor and trailed the index fingers of both hands up Victor’s chest until he felt them slide over Victor’s nipples.

“Yuuri!”

“Sorry,” Yuuri whispered. “You just looked so sad…” He pressed a kiss to the back of Victor’s neck. “I’ll come with you,” he promised.

“Thank you.”

_We have to do this sometime, _Yuuri thought, clutching Victor in a tight hug. He compared the shower they were standing in to the bathtub he had in his own apartment. There was another idea!

An hour later, looking very presentable – that is to say: clean and dressed – they both entered Victor’s skating rink.

The skating arena was bigger than Yuuri had expected. As soon as they entered, they made for the change room where Victor put a pair of skates on and where a dozen or so skaters stared at them with interest.

There was something hostile in the way they looked at them both, Yuuri realized. He remembered the loneliness he always felt around Victor and felt the urge to hug Victor again.

One of the skaters whispered something to one of the others and they laughed.

Yuuri caught the way Victor’s head dropped. How often did they say rude things about him?

He waited for Victor to finish tying his shoelaces before holding out his hands.

Victor took them with a look of faint surprise on his face and Yuuri pulled him up onto his feet. Then, without any warning, Yuuri drew him closer, trapping himself between the lockers and Victor. “Kiss me, sugar,” he said just loudly enough for the other skaters to hear and then caught Victor’s mouth in a kiss. He put his arms around Victor and pulled him in even closer.

_Mine,_ he projected onto everyone in the room. _And I won’t let Victor get bullied in front of me._

Victor broke the kiss, his face all red. “Let’s… ahem… Yuri – my – my pupil is… um… waiting for me. For us.”

“Lead the way, coach.” He let Victor make for the exit and fixed the other skaters with a cold look. “It will go against the oath I took as a doctor, if I hurt you,” he said as soon as Victor was out of earshot, “but I can do a lot of damage without breaking my oath. Let’s hope we don’t have to find out what they are.”

They exchanged a terrified look.

“We won’t touch your boyfriend, promise,” one of them said. He looked like he was the leader of their little group.

“Good,” Yuuri said and walked away with the word “boyfriend” ringing in his ears.

Were they boyfriends? They were definitely having enough sex for that term to apply, but…

Yuuri caught up with Victor and took his hand. It didn’t matter what they were called. Right here and right now they were together and it was Yuuri’s job to look after Victor while they were… whatever they were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sort of broke the rules of point of view for this chapter, but I hope no one minds.


	9. Victor

It had been a long time since Victor had last felt this nervous. It was odd, a little silly even, but he wanted Yuuri to get on well with his pupil.

He felt Yuuri’s hand close around his own and smiled at him.

As he led the way to the rink, where he knew Yuri was already practicing, he tried to imagine how Yuuri saw all their surroundings, remembering only now that not everyone was as familiar with the world of figure skating as he was. Had he ever been in a skating rink before? Had he ever watched at least one figure skating competition on TV?

He watched Yuuri’s eyes open in surprise and delight as he took it all in.

And there was his pupil – out in the middle of the ice, practicing his jumps.

He landed a quad Salchow and Yuuri broke out into applause.

Yuri turned to see who was clapping and caught Victor’s eye.

Victor waved. “Morning, Yuri! I brought Yuuri with me this time, as promised!” He wanted to say “my boyfriend Yuuri”, but the lie got stuck in his throat.

Yuri had made it clear long ago that Victor’s personal life didn’t interest him as long as it didn’t get in the way of his skating career, but, oddly enough, after he mentioned Yuuri’s name a few times, his pupil admitted that he was curious to meet this Yuuri.

“That was very impressive!” Yuuri exclaimed and, to Victor’s mild surprise, a faint blush appeared on Yuri’s cheeks.

Yuuri stayed for most of the practice session, watching silently without making further comments and only excusing himself when he had to go catch his train.

“I’ll come with you,” Victor said.

“No, no,” Yuuri protested, “you have your pupil to take care of.”

“But your things are in my apartment!” Victor protested.

Yuuri smiled. “Just lend me your key. I’ll get them and come back to return the key before I go.”

“But that’s…” Victor fished in his pocket for his keys, suddenly remembering something. He looked at the keys on his ring and unhooked one. “Here. It’s my spare key. You can have it.”

Their eyes met as Yuuri’s hand closed over his. “Thank you,” Yuuri whispered.

Afterwards Victor’s mind painted him all kinds of images. Afterwards, he’d lie late in the night, staring up at his ceiling, his mind on that key he’d given Yuuri, wondering if Yuuri would ever use it to come unanswered, if one day he would wake up to find Yuuri asleep beside him.

But, in that moment, all he could think was that he’d handed a piece of himself over.

Yuuri freed his hand gently from Victor’s. “I’ll see you later,” he promised and walked away.

All Victor could do was stare after him like an idiot.

A week later Victor called Yuuri. “I…I got the results from my check up,” he admitted after they exchanged their usual hellos. “The doctors said that I’m healthy, so… um…” He bit his lip and traced a circle out on the table in front of him.

Barely an hour had passed from the moment he learned the results of the tests he’d done. He wondered now if Yuuri – with his knowledge about medicine – would work out that Victor ran to get the tests done as soon as Yuuri had left.

_But we agreed to continue this, _Victor reminded himself. _So it’s alright for it to be about sex. That’s what it’s supposed to be about._

For some reason, thinking that made him feel like a liar.

“That’s great!” Yuuri replied. “I did mine last week, so… um…”

An embarrassed silence hung in the air while they both struggled to figure out what to say next.

“I can –” they both began at the same time.

“You first,” Victor offered.

“No, you,” Yuuri countered. “I insist.”

“Alright. I was thinking – I can come visit you this time. Just tell me what day works best for you,” Victor said and held his breath, suddenly very afraid that Yuuri would say no.

There was a brief pause and Victor felt his heart sink.

“I’m free Friday and Saturday,” Yuuri answered at last and Victor had to keep himself from breathing out a sigh of relief.

“I’ll come Friday morning, then,” Victor promised. The words slipped out before he could stop them and he winced at how desperate they sounded.

“Alright! See you then!” Yuuri agreed.

Victor wanted to say something more. He wanted to keep their conversation going, but he couldn’t think of a single way of doing it. He gave up after several minutes of internal struggling. “Until Friday.”

He hung up and let out a slow breath. He was going to see Yuuri in a few days! He put his hands over his face. Was he really this desperate for sex?

Victor pulled his hands through his hair. Then he remembered how empty Yuuri’s apartment was and an idea occurred to him.

Friday morning was clear and sunny. Victor, who was used to sleeping everywhere, stared out the window at the approaching platform, feeling well-rested and ready.

In fact, the moment he’d stepped onto the train he was ready. He left all thoughts about his pupil behind without a second thought. Yuri could take care of himself, if anything happened.

He spotted Yuuri on the platform at once and hurried to the nearest door, impatient to get off already.

The train stopped. The doors opened and he leapt out. “Yuuri!” he shouted, rushing over to him.

“Good morning!” Yuuri exclaimed in return and put his arms around Victor. After holding him for several minutes, he stepped back and noticed all the packages Victor was carrying. “What’s all this?”

Victor grinned. “It’s a surprise!”

It took their combined efforts to carry everything to Yuuri’s apartment. Victor could see Yuuri weighing some of the packages to try to guess at their contents.

They stacked the boxes in Yuuri’s living room and Yuuri gave Victor an expectant look.

Victor opened the first one and took out a little potted plant. “I thought – if um… you don’t mind? Maybe you’d accept a few things for your apartment?”

He realized then that Yuuri could take this the wrong way and froze. What if Yuuri got offended? It was his apartment and he was the one to decide if he wanted it empty or not.

Yuuri accepted the plant from Victor’s hands. “Thank you!”

Victor opened all the other boxes to reveal all kinds of little things for Yuuri to put up in his apartment. One of them had a framed picture that showed a forest with mountains in the background and a little house in the front. A light shone in all the windows of the house and smoke rose from the chimney. There was the suggestion that it was warm inside and that a meal was waiting for any weary traveller.

Yuuri held the picture up with a big smile on his face. “This one will go in the kitchen!”

Victor waited for him to return before opening the biggest package he’d brought. This one held a painting of a dog with long brown fur.

“Aww!” Yuuri exclaimed. He stared at the painting in silence for several minutes before meeting Victor’s eye at last. “Bedroom,” he whispered.

All the blood rose to Victor’s face. He waited to see what Yuuri would do next.

Yuuri stepped up to him, took the painting out of his hands and carried it nonchalantly away to the bedroom.

Victor stared after him with his mouth slightly open.

He returned several minutes later and together they spent a long time deciding where each thing should go.

“Perfect,” Yuuri breathed out when they found a place for the last item Victor had bought. “Oh! I completely forgot!” he suddenly exclaimed. “You must be starving! I’m so sorry! Let’s go eat,” he suggested. “I know a restaurant nearby that serves good food and has a great view.”

Victor was only too happy to accept.

Outside nature was beginning to show the first signs of autumn. Some of the leaves had already changed their colour and some had even tumbled down to cover the streets with a yellow carpet.

Victor and Yuuri walked under a bleak sky as people rushed in different directions around them. Water poured down in a drizzle over their heads, soaking their clothes and getting into their hair.

They slipped into a warm café and ordered two hot drinks. The place was packed with people trying to get out of the rain.

“Over there,” Yuuri motioned with his head at an empty table in the furthest corner of the room and Victor pushed through the crowd to claim it.

“Their menu isn’t very good,” Yuuri said after a while. “Let’s eat somewhere else.”

Victor nodded.

They finished their drinks and left.

But the next place didn’t have a better menu and they kept going, moving from one café to the next, as if trying to escape something that was following them.

The drizzle turned into rain and Yuuri found a restaurant to his liking at last. This time they ordered food and ate, but Victor was barely conscious of the taste of his meal. He saw the way Yuuri’s eyes focused on him and trembled.

Outside it poured harder.

By the time they finished their meal the rain stopped and they walked arm in arm through the wet streets. The wind and rain had knocked more leaves off the trees and they tread over them.

Victor fought for the courage to ask Yuuri to take him back to his apartment.

But when they got back, Yuuri stopped before his door and gave his key a thoughtful look.

“What is it?” Victor asked after a few minutes of silence, worried that something had gone wrong.

“I was just thinking…” Yuuri pulled his key off its ring. “You should have it. You know – just in case.”

Victor’s hand trembled as he reached out. His fingers curled around the key, just touching Yuuri’s. “Thank you.”

Yuuri took his hand away and used his other key to unlock his door.

Victor followed him as if in a trance.

“I’m sorry,” Yuuri said, removing his coat. “You must be dying for a shower.”

Victor mouth opened, but no sound came out.

“Why don’t you go take one?” Yuuri suggested innocently. He turned away and walked off, getting his phone from his pocket.

Victor did his best to hide his disappointment. He walked to the bathroom with his shoulders lowered and closed the door behind him.

Maybe Yuuri was going to join him in a bit?

He left the door unlocked just in case, but Yuuri didn’t come.

Victor turned the tap off and stepped out, wrapping a towel around himself.

An idea occurred to him then and he walked through the apartment, looking for Yuuri. He found the man in the kitchen, reading something on his phone.

“I felt lonely without you,” Victor said, letting the towel slide off one shoulder to reveal half of his bare chest. It wasn’t an original line, but he couldn’t think of any other in that moment.

Yuuri placed his phone on the table and stepped up to Victor.

The towel tumbled onto the floor.

Yuuri remained two steps away from Victor. His eyes travelled down, lingered there and then rose again to Victor’s face. “Come with me, please,” he said and walked past Victor and out of the kitchen.

Victor followed, expecting to come to the bedroom, only to end up back in the bathroom again.

Yuuri leaned over the bathtub and turned the water on. He waited for the tub to fill a little before he began to undress.

What was it about Yuuri undressing that got Victor standing still and watching in amazement every time? A part of Victor was always convinced that some deep secret of the universe was revealed each time Yuuri took his clothes off.

Yuuri turned and smiled. Then he motioned at the bathtub.

Under his eye, Victor climbed into the warm water and sat down, waiting to see what Yuuri would do next.

He stepped up to the bathtub, stopped and exclaimed, “Ah! I almost forgot!”

Victor watched on in confusion as Yuuri rushed out of the room. Soon he returned with a few candles, which he set up around Victor and lit. Then he set his phone down beside one of them. It was playing slow, romantic music.

_He’s going to seduce me, _Victor suddenly thought, feeling his cheeks burn. _Doesn’t he know that I’m already seduced? _He pulled his knees up to his chin and folded his arms around his legs in embarrassment.

Yuuri slipped into the bathtub and sat down behind him. Victor shifted a little to let Yuuri put his legs on either side of him and closed his eyes.

First Yuuri planted a kiss on Victor’s right shoulder, then one on his left. Next came a kiss a little closer to his neck, followed by another, and another, until he reached the base of Victor’s neck.

Victor’s hold on his knees loosened and he lowered them, keeping his hands on his legs.

Yuuri trailed kisses up Victor’s neck as his hands settled carefully on Victor’s shoulders.

Victor shifted back against him and reclined his head.

Yuuri’s hands slid down Victor’s chest.

“Yuuri…”

He buried his face in Victor’s hair as he pressed more kisses against Victor’s head and then his ear all while Yuuri’s fingers circled over Victor’s nipples.

Victor let out a long sigh. He placed a hand on each of Yuuri’s thighs and rubbed them with his thumbs.

Yuuri gathered water in his hands and poured it over Victor’s chest.

And Victor forgot every care, every worry he ever had. He felt safe and warm in a way he’d never felt before. Yuuri was covering his neck with kisses again and Victor couldn’t shake the feeling that he was in a dream. _If this is a dream, I don’t want to wake up._

“How are you feeling?” Yuuri murmured into his ear.

“Good…” Victor breathed out. “Very, very good…” He wished he knew a better way to describe it, but words were failing him at this very moment.

“I’ll be right back,” Yuuri whispered and slipped free. He got up and stepped out of the bathtub.

Victor sat up straighter and stared at him. He caught Yuuri’s hand, a thousand questions forming on his lips. Why was Yuuri leaving? What was so important in this moment that it couldn’t wait?

Yuuri smiled at him and climbed back into the bathtub, this time to sit in Victor’s lap, facing him.

Victor released Yuuri’s hand as his face turned red.

Yuuri pulled both hands through Victor’s hair and kissed him, pushing his body against Victor’s. This time Victor couldn’t help thinking that their whole bodies were participating in the kiss.

Victor’s eyes closed and he reclined against the wall of the bathtub. _Take me, _he thought and pulled Yuuri closer.

Yuuri broke the kiss and pressed his forehead against Victor’s. His breaths came out fast. Victor listened to them, feeling electrified by the sound.

“Bedroom?” Yuuri asked after a while.

“You can take me here,” Victor whispered back.

Yuuri leaned closer until his lips were at Victor’s ear. “There isn’t enough room here to do what I want to do with you.”

Victor’s heart raced.

Yuuri pressed a kiss to his cheek and then another to his lips. “Come on.” He tried to get up, but Victor pulled him back down for another kiss.

They pressed against each other for what felt like all eternity as Yuuri held Victor’s head with both hands. Finally he pulled away and climbed out of the bathtub.

Victor rose, feeling his head spin and watched Yuuri blow the candles out one by one and turn the music off.

Then Yuuri walked back and helped Victor get out of the bathtub. He dried them both off with one towel and then wrapped it around them, pulling Victor close. Victor’s eager lips caught another kiss.

The towel dropped on the floor and Yuuri backed out of the bathroom, dragging Victor after him and not letting their lips separate.

Finally they reached Yuuri’s bed and he lowered himself onto his back, his arms wrapped around Victor’s neck.

“I want you to be on top first,” Yuuri said, breaking the kiss at last. “But I want us to face each other.” He brushed Victor’s hair out of his face. “I want to see your reactions.”

_To write them all down later, _Victor thought with a blush.

“Have you ever…” Yuuri’s hands slipped off Victor’s neck and down his chest. “Have you ever had sex without a condom before?”

“Never,” Victor admitted and wondered if that was what Yuuri wanted to hear.

A smile raised the corners of Yuuri’s lips. “Me neither, but it’s supposed to…” He let out a small sigh, “feel good.” Then he frowned. “Doctors recommend safe sex, though. I thought you’d really enjoy it, so…”

Victor reached down and gave Yuuri a brief kiss. “We don’t have to do this, if you don’t want to.”

Yuuri considered those words. Victor was suddenly very aware that he was propped up on his hands and knees with Yuuri lying under him. The lights in the room were turned off and they could only see each other by the light of the streetlamp just outside the window and the light coming from the bathroom. Yuuri’s eyes dug into his and again Victor felt as if Yuuri could see deep into his soul.

“Take me,” Yuuri whispered hoarsely. “Just… just don’t forget the lube.”

“Yes.” Victor scrambled off the bed, his head spinning and his knees weak.

He made for the drawer where Yuuri always kept condoms and lube. He almost picked up one of the little packages that lay at the bottom of the drawer and then stopped himself.

By the time he walked back to where Yuuri lay waiting for him, his heart was beating fast in terror.

Yuuri’s head was resting on the pillow. There was a smile on his face and the same fear in his eyes.

Victor’s eyes swept over him and he saw Yuuri spread his legs.

_Right._

He climbed onto the bed with determination and opened the bottle. His hands shook and for a moment he felt as if he and Yuuri were getting ready to have sex for the first time. In his nervousness he poured out too much lube and spent forever applying it.

Yuuri stared up at him.

_Now._

He raised Yuuri’s legs and slipped under and between them. Then, gathering a deep breath like a diver before a plunge, he pushed his way in.

Two gasps filled the air together.

Again.

A shock passed through him. There _was_ something different about this.

Gasp!

Was it Yuuri who’d gasped this time, or was it him?

They held on to each other and breathed as one.

It _was _different. It wasn’t just his imagination, he was sure of it. It definitely felt different. He’d done this often enough with Yuuri to know the difference.

Who knew how much time passed before Victor thought, _I want Yuuri to feel this. We need to switch positions. _And he pulled away.

“No… no…” Yuuri protested, grabbing Victor by the arms. “More, please, _please_.”

“Yuuri.” He leaned down and kissed Yuuri’s forehead. “Let’s switch,” he whispered.

Yuuri stared up at him in a daze. “You’re right,” he admitted after a short pause and closed his eyes. “Let’s switch and then one of us will… something.” He sat up and smiled.

This time Victor caught him in a kiss before he could even think about it.

“I’m going to keep you up all night,” Yuuri promised and caught another kiss. “My next…” another kiss, “my next week,” kiss, “is full.” Kiss. “And the week after that.”

They kissed for a long time and turned over.

Victor dropped onto the pillow, taking Yuuri’s spot.

Yuuri pulled away. “How will I survive without this for two weeks?” he asked, spreading Victor’s legs and rubbing one of his thighs with his palm.

Victor gasped.

Yuuri pressed a kiss to his thigh. “Without this…” He kissed Victor’s knee. “Can you live without this for two weeks?” he whispered, leaning over Victor’s face.

Victor breathed harder.

Yuuri lowered his head, getting within a few centimeters of Victor’s mouth. “I’m going to have to spend all of tomorrow in bed with you as well,” he whispered.

His breath tickled Victor’s cheek.

“Please…” Victor begged, his whole body electrified by Yuuri’s promise.

Yuuri lowered his head and kissed Victor’s chest, just barely missing his nipple.

_Next to the heart, _Victor suddenly thought.

Yuuri’s hands rubbed Victor’s hips. He raised his head again.

“Take me,” Victor pleaded as his whole body shook.

Yuuri picked the bottle up from the bed, giving Victor a sideways glance that made a bead of sweat slide down the side of Victor’s face. Yuuri opened the bottle and leaned down for another kiss.

Victor felt Yuuri’s tongue in his mouth as the man’s free hand slipped over and under him.

They kept kissing as Yuuri covered them both in lube and didn’t stop even when Yuuri raised both of Victor’s legs.

And then Victor was only aware of one thing: Yuuri had him and nothing else mattered.

“Yuuri…” he gasped between kisses, holding Yuuri down to him. “Yuuri!” He had to stay partially curled up even as his body tried to arch back.

“Victor…” Yuuri breathed into his ear. His lips slid against Victor’s face and caught Victor’s mouth again.

_I want this all night long, _Victor thought. _And all day long._

Yuuri pulled away, breaking free of Victor’s embrace and sitting up.

Victor sat up after him, reaching out with both hands to pull him back. Why did Yuuri stop now? Hadn’t he promised all night long?

And then he realized that a strange sound could be heard over their heavy breathing.

Yuuri hurried back into the bathroom and Victor followed without a second thought.

Next to the sink, Yuuri’s phone was ringing. Yuuri picked it up and turned to frown at Victor. “I’m sorry. I have to take this.” He didn’t wait for Victor’s reply before pushing the button and raising it to his ear. “Yes?” he said breathlessly.

Victor stepped closer.

Yuuri blushed and turned away. “I… I was … jogging outside, so I’m a little breathless, sorry. It’s … it’s fine, really. Did something happen?”

Who was calling Yuuri at a time like this? Victor couldn’t help but feel a touch of jealousy that pushed him forward to put his arms around Yuuri and hold on to him, his chest pressed against Yuuri’s back.

That was why he heard a woman’s voice from the other end of the conversation say, “so sorry to trouble you on your free evening, but Dr. Koroliev came down with food poisoning and we can’t reach Dr. Rumyantseva. The admin didn’t know what to do until I suggested we call you. We have a surgery scheduled in two hours and we can’t postpone it, or the patient will –” she chattered on, as if unable to stop.

“I’ll do it,” Yuuri assured her. “I just need some time to… uh get ready and I’ll be there.”

“Thank you so much! You’re a lifesaver!”

“I’ll be there in an hour,” Yuuri promised. “See you then,” he added and hung up. Then he gave a long sigh. “I’m sorry, Victor.” He broke out of Victor’s embrace and turned to face him. “You came all this way and I… I couldn’t say no to her.” He lowered his eyes. “Sounds like someone needs an operation urgently.”

“Yuuri…” Victor hugged him again, pressing his cheek against Yuuri’s and remembering too late that they were both still very naked.

“I couldn’t tell her the truth,” Yuuri went on. “She complained about others that… well, she seems to think that everyone she works with is sex-obsessed and I didn’t want her to lose faith in me.” He pulled free and took Victor’s face with both hands. “It’s just for a few hours. I’ll be back in the morning, I promise.”

“Don’t worry about me. Think about yourself. You haven’t slept all day. How will you do this?” His heart squeezed painfully in his chest as he thought of Yuuri working through the whole night instead of sleeping. _Not that you would’ve let him rest either, _his brain reminded him treacherously.

“It’s alright. I’m used to it.”

“Go,” Victor said, uncertain whether they were still arguing about it. “Someone’s life is on the line. Go save them. That’s more important than me.”

“It’s not!” Yuuri protested and bit his lip. “I suppose it is.”

Victor felt flattered by such a response from Yuuri. A blush appeared on his cheeks and he wasn’t sure what to say next, torn between what was right and asking Yuuri to stay anyway.

“I need a shower,” Yuuri said, pulling away.

For the next few minutes, he seemed to forget all about Victor. He washed and dried himself and then returned to his room where he put his work clothes on.

Victor sat down on the bed and watched without saying a word.

Finally, when he was done, after arranging for a taxi to take him to the hospital, Yuuri walked over to Victor. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” He folded his arms around Victor’s shoulders. “I’ll make up for it tomorrow.”

Victor raised his head and caught a brief kiss. “You don’t have to.”

“I need to,” Yuuri insisted. He released Victor and left.

Victor sat still for a long time. Finally he rose, washed himself and settled down to sleep in Yuuri’s bed.

The blankets and pillow smelled like Yuuri and Victor closed his eyes, pretending that Yuuri was curled up at his side, fast asleep.

Morning came and Victor awoke to find Yuuri passed out next to him, still fully dressed.

Victor lay on his side and stared at Yuuri’s sleeping face. How happy he would be if he could wake up every morning to a sight like this!

What a strange thought!

He reached out and, very carefully, brushed Yuuri’s hair to one side.

What was he supposed to do now? He couldn’t wake Yuuri. Who knew what time it had been when he’d returned and he needed his rest. There was also no way of knowing when he would wake up.

Perhaps if Victor went back to sleep… But, no, he was feeling wide awake and his stomach was beginning to complain that it was empty and needed something to fill it.

Breakfast sounded like a great idea. He rose, brushed his teeth, got dressed and made for the kitchen, wondering what Yuuri might have for Victor to turn into breakfast.

Victor had lived alone long enough to have tried making everything from omelettes to pancakes and, so, he was confident that he’d be able to make something from whatever Yuuri had to work with.

Except that Yuuri had nothing to work with.

The fridge was empty. A search of the cupboards yielded only a cup’s worth of sugar and even less salt. There was no flour, no milk, not even tea bags.

Victor remembered then that every time he came to Moscow, they always went out for food and now he understood why.

To Victor, who always made sure to keep his fridge and his cupboards well stocked with food, this was shocking.

_But, then again, he probably doesn’t have the time to go get groceries, _Victor realized.

There was nothing to do now, but to run to the nearest grocery shop and get something. The alternative was to starve.

He walked back to the bedroom where Yuuri was still lost deep in sleep. “I’ll be back soon,” he whispered.

And then he noticed that Yuuri was still in his shoes.

It was two in the afternoon when Yuuri awoke. Victor was in the kitchen, tasting the soup he’d made when Yuuri stumbled in.

The man stood in the doorway, dressed in nothing but a pair of underwear and looking very confused.

“I… uh…” He rubbed his head. “What day is it?”

“Saturday,” Victor told him.

Yuuri frowned and slowly it all came back to him. “Oh no! I slept through most of our time together! I’m so sorry!”

“It’s fine, really,” Victor assured him. “How do you feel about soup?”

And then Yuuri noticed what Victor was doing. “You cooked soup?” he exclaimed, coming up to the stove where a whole pot of soup was just reaching a perfect state.

“Yep,” Victor confirmed. “I made pancakes too, but you slept all through breakfast, so I put them in the fridge.”

Yuuri groaned. “The fridge was empty,” he said in a low voice. “There was no food in the apartment.”

“True,” Victor agreed and turned the stove off.

Yuuri walked over to the fridge and opened it. He took in the sight of shelves filled with food from butter, cheese and eggs to an open carton of milk and a plate of pancakes, covered with another plate.

He closed the door and gave Victor a sad look. “You bought all this?” But before Victor could answer, Yuuri saw the bread in the breadbasket, the bowl Victor had filled with fruit and the vegetables he’d arranged next to it. “You didn’t have to – you must’ve spent a fortune on all this! And it must’ve been heavy to carry… and…” he trailed off.

Victor smiled at him. “It was no trouble! Really! You told me you have no break for two weeks and I worried about what you will eat and –”

Yuuri wrapped his arms around Victor and clung on tightly. “I owe you big time,” he declared. “I’ll do anything you want. I’ll –”

Victor pulled Yuuri closer. “You don’t owe me anything,” he countered. “You’ve given me so much.”

“I’ll…” Yuuri persisted. “I’ll copy all my notes out for you,” he promised. “I can start with one of your favourites and…”

Victor pressed his cheek against Yuuri’s. “You don’t have to do anything for me,” he repeated, “but if you’re offering to copy your notes, can I get the ones for when you used the rope?”

Yuuri stepped back and grinned. “Of course!”

He rushed out of the room and Victor wondered if he could remember that he’d passed out in his clothes. He’d expected Yuuri to realize that Victor had undressed him and covered him with several blankets, but it seemed as if Yuuri hadn’t paid this the slightest bit of attention.

Victor turned his attention back to the soup and he prepared two bowls to serve it in.

When Yuuri returned he was fully dressed. They ate lunch together in a comfortable silence that didn’t demand anyone say anything and was full of happy smiles.

Yuuri finished first and got up to do the dishes. After a while he said, “I don’t have any empty notebooks. Do you want to go buy one and then I’ll write everything down for you?”

Victor couldn’t argue with that. It sounded like a great idea.

30 minutes later they were in a stationery shop, looking at different notebooks, unable to make their choice.

“What about this one?” Yuuri asked, holding up a white spiral notebook with a cute house on the cover.

Victor opened his mouth to point out that the cover didn’t seem to be suitable for a sex diary and stopped. “Maybe… something with a plain cover?”

“Then I’ll take this one,” Yuuri decided. “I only have two pages left in mine and I haven’t had the chance to write about last night yet.”

For a moment, Victor felt like he was a teenager again with all his old dreams from that time. Suddenly he wanted to wear matching shirts with his boyfriend. He thought about matching rings and bracelets and other, more subtle, signs that they were going out.

“I want one too,” he blurted out. “Is there a second one like this?”

A smile spread over Yuuri’s face. “Matching notebooks with the same contents inside!” he exclaimed. “That’s brilliant!”

Victor nodded.

After that Yuuri insisted he pay for both notebooks himself and offered to treat Victor to some ice cream to celebrate.

They sat in a pink ice cream parlour with their notebooks on the table before them. Victor ate his ice cream as Yuuri chewed thoughtfully on his pen.

_You’ve got an oral fixation, _Victor thought. His mind drew up images of nights they’d spent together. And then he wondered where the thought had come from. It sounded like something Yuuri would say. Had he said it to Victor at some point? He couldn’t remember.

“I have an idea!” Victor exclaimed and Yuuri turned to look at him. “Let’s write down something for each other as we remember it. We can pick different nights, or… or the same one…”

“Last night,” Yuuri whispered.

The memory of their bath together filled his mind then and made him blush deeply. “Last night,” he repeated with a nod.

They traded notebooks and wrote. Victor spared no thoughts for their innocent surroundings, or that they looked like two students doing their homework together. His mind was too full of memories of the night before and he struggled to get them all down on paper in a way that did them justice.

He did his best to describe his feelings, but it came out as a jumble of “hot”, “hard” and “melting.” There was certainly a lot of melting. When he finished, he read it over and berated himself for how terrible it sounded. Writing feelings down really wasn’t as easy as it looked.

“Here,” Yuuri handed him his notebook back.

There was no time to change anything he’d written and Victor returned Yuuri’s notebook to him, wondering if he’d get another chance to rewrite it all.

Victor glanced at his watch. “I need to get back to the train station.”

“Right.”

They walked back to Yuuri’s apartment in silence. Victor tried to think of something to say, but his mind remained treacherously blank.

“What time is your train?” Yuuri asked as they climbed the stairs.

“I’m taking the last Sapsan back,” Victor answered. “It’s at 19:40.”

Yuuri stopped in front of his door and lowered his head. “That doesn’t give us any time at all, not even for a quick one.” He sighed and met Victor’s eye. “I’m so sorry. You travelled all this way and –”

“Please don’t apologize,” Victor interrupted. _I’m not just here for sex, _he thought. _I’m here to spend time with you. Can’t you see that? _He pulled Yuuri into a hug and held him close. “Take care of yourself,” he whispered into Yuuri’s ear. “There are leftovers in the fridge. They should last you a couple of days. Please find the time to buy and make more when they run out.”

“Thank you so much,” Yuuri said. “Next time it’s my turn to come see you.” He stepped back and looked into Victor’s face. “I promise to make it good. You will –”

Victor pressed his lips against Yuuri’s. He didn’t need this promise. Just seeing Yuuri was enough. But it probably wasn’t enough for Yuuri.

Yuuri backed up against the door as they kept kissing.

It was hard to let go. It was very hard to pack his things and leave, to get on the train and wave Yuuri goodbye, knowing that he had to wait another two weeks before they could see each other again.

No, it wasn’t two weeks, he decided. It was two eternities that they had to live through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess this is the chapter when I admit that I’m writing this fic in a very cute notebook.


	10. Yuuri

Friday night descended on Moscow. Couples met. Friends went out and celebrated their temporary freedom from work, or school, or both.

Yuuri returned to his apartment with a heavy heart. He’d spent the whole week counting the days until Friday, only to remember every time that he wasn’t going to be free on Saturday, which meant that he wouldn’t get to see Victor.

He tossed his jacket aside angrily. What was the point of Fridays, if he wasn’t going to see Victor?

He made for the kitchen to heat up the last of the soup Victor had made for him.

The notebook lay on the table, opened to the page Victor had covered in his curly handwriting.

Yuuri stuck a bowl of soup into the microwave and sat down to reread the words he’d already committed to memory.

_Yuuri sat down behind me in the bathtub and I thought I would melt into his arms. When Yuuri touches me, I burn. First he kissed me on the shoulder. No, no, first it was the neck. Well, it doesn’t matter where he kisses me first: he always picks the right spot for his kisses. He always knows the best thing to do next._

Yuuri covered his face with his hands. _I want you to be here with me right now._

Outside a car pulled up under his windows and loud, booming music filled the neighbourhood.

_“Touch me! I need your body!” _the singer’s voice demanded. _“Touch me! Touch me now!”_

Yuuri got up and shut the window, but it didn’t help keep the noise out.

The microwave beeped and he tried to focus on his soup, but his thoughts kept returning to Victor.

_He cooked this while I was asleep. He went out and brought all that food. _The thoughts were always the same and they filled him with guilt every time. _He didn’t come all this way to take care of me like this and, yet, he did._

On the table, his phone buzzed, cutting into his thoughts.

Yuuri picked up his phone. It was a text from Victor.

_Can I call you right now?_

Yuuri downed the rest of his soup in one gulp and texted. _Yes._

The phone rang and Yuuri answered it at once. “Hello, Victor!”

“Hello, Yuuri!” he exclaimed. “I hope it’s not a bad time. I just… got a little… ahem… I mean I wanted to check up on you and make sure you’re remembering to eat.”

“Yes,” Yuuri said, heart swelling with gratitude. “I – thank you so much!”

“It’s nothing! Really!” Victor protested.

“It means a lot to me.” _If only I knew how to thank you properly! _Yuuri worried. _I know that sex isn’t the way to thank anyone. I need to think of something better. _He put a hand over his face and gave a disappointed groan.

“What’s wrong?” Victor asked and Yuuri realized too late that Victor could hear him. Then he exclaimed, “Oh, of course! You must be tired, Yuuri! Go rest!”

And then Yuuri had an idea.

“Where are you right now?” he asked, rising to his feet.

“I-in my bedroom. Why?”

Yuuri grinned. He entered his own bedroom and dropped onto his bed. “What are you wearing right now?” He whispered.

“I… uh….” Victor gulped and Yuuri imagined a blush spreading over his face. “My…um training clothes. But I’m all sweaty from my jog!” he added as if this would make up for not wearing anything tempting.

“Let’s switch to a video call,” Yuuri suggested and turned over onto his back.

“Um… Yes! Yes of course!”

He held the phone up and pressed a button. Victor’s beautiful face appeared on the screen. And he really was beautiful. Had Yuuri ever appreciated it properly before? Yuuri wished he could trail his fingers through the man’s hair and hold him close.

Yuuri sat up and propped the phone up against a pillow. “Let’s play a game.”

“G-game?” Now he could watch Victor blush deeper and Yuuri felt another grin tug at the corners of his mouth in response.

“Yes,” Yuuri reclined on the bed. “Look at all these clothes I’ve got on. I need to get them all off, but I can’t decide which one should go next.”

Victor’s phone gave a sudden jolt.

_Just a suggestion is enough for you, _Yuuri thought.

“Yuuri…” Victor said weakly.

He winked. “Alright, which page number is this one?”

“Seven- Seventy-two,” Victor stammered out.

“Have you memorized which one is on which page for all of them?”

Victor covered his face with his hand. “Almost.”

Yuuri only remembered one. He’d left it for later, but maybe a teaser now would make Victor happy. “I look forward to trying page 69 with you next time we meet.”

Victor dropped his phone this time and Yuuri was left with staring up at a ceiling – a view he normally didn’t get.

He waited for Victor to pick the phone up and calm down a little, before returning to the topic of the game.

“What should I remove first?” he asked, sliding his hands down his chest and doing his best to look seductive.

“Um… um…” Victor was frozen by indecision.

Yuuri spread his legs. He rested on his knees, his back straight. He let his fingers draw two circles on his chest and then raised his hands and pulled them through his hair.

Victor watched with his mouth open. Still he made no choice.

So Yuuri made it for him. “I’ll start with my socks,” he said.

“No! No!” Victor protested and turned a deeper shade of red.

Now Yuuri dropped down onto his elbows and raised one shoulder. “No?” He raised an eyebrow. He’d memorized the chapter on seduction techniques. Now came the exam.

But Victor was easy to please. In his eyes Yuuri scored 1000%. “Shirt,” he finally managed.

Yuuri turned over onto his back and caught the bottom of his shirt with his fingers, hoping that Victor could see what he was doing. He slid it up, taking his time and breathing slowly. He revealed his stomach and paused as his fingertips told him that he’d reached his nipples. He turned his head a little to see Victor’s face. Was he seeing this?

For a moment, he couldn’t make sense of what the screen was showing him and panicked.

But, no, it was all fine – there was the top of his shirt, there was the bare skin of his torso and his crotch just fit into the view.

_Perfect, _he thought.

He pulled the shirt off all the way, taking care to avoid knocking his phone over. When the shirt was done with, he turned over and sat up.

His hair was ruffled, but he made no move to fix it. Instead, he set his glasses aside and gave Victor a long look through half-lidded eyes.

Victor shuddered.

Yuuri bit his lip. “My pants are getting too tight,” he said in a low voice, as if imparting a great secret. “I wish you were here to take them off me.”

“T-take…” Victor’s voice faltered and he cleared his throat. “Take your pants off. Please.”

“As you wish.” Too late he realized that this would work better if he’d put a thong on instead of his normal pair of underwear.

Then he had an idea.

This pair of pants had no button or zipper. He just needed to pull them off or on when he got dressed. He was on his knees before the phone again, this time making sure the camera fit most of his torso and his legs down to his thigs. Then, very carefully, he hooked his fingers around his pants and pulled them off as slowly as he could.

Victor’s face was bigger on the screen. He’d leaned in closer for this.

“Are you watching?” Yuuri whispered as the pants got lower and lower and still there was no sign of his underwear.

It wasn’t comfortable and Yuuri’s fingers were beginning to hurt from clutching his pants and underwear together so tightly, but he bit his lip and told himself he was doing this for Victor. He had to do this. He wanted to please Victor while they were apart. He still wasn’t sure if it was only about sex for Victor. It was so hard to tell when Victor got turned on so easily and was always all too happy to do things for other people. So, to stay on the safe side, Yuuri wanted to wet his appetite in preparation for the next time they would meet.

All that food Victor had prepared for him, all that care Victor had shown him had done more for Yuuri than the most seductive image ever could.

_This is for taking care of me, _Yuuri thought and lowered his pants to reveal his dick.

“You’re not wearing any underwear?” Victor exclaimed.

“I’m not wearing anything at all right now.” Yuuri picked the phone up and brought it a little closer and then raised it so that Victor could only see his face. “That was part one. You’ll have to wait for a week to get part two. Do you think you can do that?” A note of uncertainty crept into his voice. What if Victor was just being polite? Wasn’t it a Russian custom to fill your guests with lots of food? What if all this was just another case of friends with benefits?

Victor nodded. “I’ll be ready. I’ll cook a big meal and prepare anything else we’ll need!” He bit his lip. “Can you bring the rope again, please?”

“Of course. Sweet dreams, Victor.”

“Good night, Yuuri.”

_Dream of me tonight, _Yuuri willed, unable to say the words aloud. _Every night I dream of you. Please dream of me just this once._

The phone call ended and Yuuri gave a long sigh. Another week, just one more week.

He dropped onto his back on the bed and closed his eyes.

Three days later he was using his break to go to the café across the street for a hot drink. The place was mostly empty.

Yuuri took in his surroundings with a single look and glanced down at his watch. He still had a few minutes. He claimed one of the tall tables by the windows and sipped his drink, enjoying the calm atmosphere of his surroundings.

“No way!” a girl at the next table exclaimed. “No _way_!”

“Shhh!” a second one did her best to calm her friend down.

Yuuri tried to tune their conversation out, but the two friends chatted in voices too loud to ignore.

“_That’s_ your boyfriend? I thought you picked your favourite model for the picture! He’s so hot! _Is_ he a model?” the first girl exclaimed, getting more excited with each word that came out of her mouth.

Yuuri glanced at his watch and debated leaving early.

“Why would I have some random guy as my phone background? _Obviously _it’s my boyfriend!” the second girl boasted, looking proud of herself. “I want to see his beautiful face every minute of every day.”

“You mean his beautiful abs!” the second one teased and they both broke out into giggles.

Yuuri pulled his phone out of his pocket and contemplated it thoughtfully. Several years ago he’d set an image of a cute dog as his background and never thought about it since.

Now the girl’s words echoed in his mind and he found that _he_ wanted to see Victor every minute of every day, even if it was just on a picture in his phone.

_But I don’t have a single photo of him! _Yuuri realized. _Why hadn’t we taken one together, at least?_

The answer came to him almost at once. _Because we’re not dating. This – whatever it is – isn’t dating. Not really._

He thought about their last time together. They’d come very close. They still _were_ very close. Right?

_I could ask him to be my boyfriend. He already kind of is, right? We already know a lot about each other and especially what the other person likes. We could start dating officially._

He sighed. More than anything in the world he wanted to date Victor, to actually be able to say “Victor is my boyfriend” and know it was true. It would set everything right and it would settle most of his doubts.

_I have to say it next time, _Yuuri decided. _I have to ask him out, so that we both agree that we’re not pretending anymore. It’s real and it’s true._

_As soon as we meet I’ll say “let’s stop pretending and make it real.” _He considered those words.

No, that didn’t sound right.

_“Why don’t we make it official?”_

What did official mean? It sounded as if he wanted Victor to sign some sort of paper.

If he’d been at home at that moment he would’ve, without a doubt, paced back and forth as he considered these options. But he was in a public place and was becoming increasingly more conscious of the people around him.

_What do I say? What if I say it wrong and he thinks I mean something else? What if I offend him? Maybe it’s just better to leave things as they are. I don’t want to ruin them by saying the wrong thing._

He worried and agonized over this, but by the time the day came for him to see Victor at last, not only did he not have any words prepared, but his thoughts had turned to a different worry.

He took the overnight train again, hoping this would give him more time with Victor.

When he came up to the conductor standing in front of the train to hand her his ticket, she gave him a sharp look. “You look familiar,” she said. “Have you taken this train before? I can’t help feeling I’ve seen you on this train before.”

Yuuri nodded. “I need to go up to St. Petersburg regularly to see my…” What other word could he possibly use? “…boyfriend.”

She patted him on the shoulder. “Is he up there for work?”

“Yes,” he answered without stopping to think. “And I’m finishing up my residency in Moscow.”

“You’re a doctor!” she exclaimed. “How wonderful!”

Yuuri nodded, not knowing what else to say or do.

“My nephew is in med school…” she began, following him into the train.

The carriage was mostly empty and they spent a good hour talking about medicine and about long-distance relationships. She even treated him to some tea.

At last, she left him alone in his compartment. “Get some sleep, doctor. I’ll wake you up in the morning.”

“Thank you.”

He settled down to sleep and lay on the bunk, staring up at the bunk above him. How many times had he done this trip already? He’d lost count.

His stomach twisted anxiously as he remembered what awaited him when he returned home to Moscow.

_Don’t think about it now, _he told himself, forcing the memory to the back of his mind. _You can worry about it later._

He thought then about Victor who was waiting for him, Victor who he’d let down last time they met. In just a few hours, they’d be together again and he’d get to hold Victor close. Together again…

He closed his eyes.

_Victor leaned down over him and kissed Yuuri’s forehead. “I missed you, Yuuri.” He held Yuuri’s hand to his face and closed his eyes._

_Yuuri wanted to say something, but his tongue refused to listen to him._

_“You will take me, right?” Victor asked, opening his eyes again. “You promised to have sex with me!”_

_Yuuri nodded._

_Victor bent down over Yuuri’s ear and whispered something as his right hand slipped over Yuuri’s body, as if searching for something._

_Yuuri’s breathing quickened._

_Victor pulled his hand away and raised it. He was holding a key._

_Yuuri blinked, waiting for an explanation._

_Victor raised his other hand and Yuuri realized that he and Victor were handcuffed to each other. Victor placed the key in the lock and undid the handcuff. Then he rubbed his wrist. “Finally, I’m free,” he sighed._

_He climbed off the bed and walked away, disappearing into the darkness around Yuuri._

_Yuuri tried to shout after him, but his tongue refused to listen to him._

_ “Wait!” he shouted in his mind. “Wait! Come back! Please come back! I –”_

“Good morning, Doctor!” a pleasant voice called out, interrupting Yuuri’s dream.

His eyes opened and he stared at a woman, unable to understand who she was and what she was doing here.

“Good morning!” she said again, the smile on her face getting wider. “We’ll be at the station in about ten minutes. You have time to freshen up for your boyfriend.” She turned away and walked out, not bothering to wait for a response.

“My… boyfriend?” Yuuri repeated.

And then he remembered that he was on a train to St. Petersburg, on his way to see Victor.

He sat up and held his head with both hands. He had that unpleasant feeling he usually had after a nightmare, but this time he couldn’t remember what he’d dreamt about.

_She said the train will be arriving soon, _he suddenly realized and scrambled off the bunk to wash his face and change into fresh clothes.

Victor was waiting for him.

The train slowed and Yuuri rushed to the window. He watched the train pull into the station and spotted Victor standing on the platform. At the sight of the man’s lonely figure, Yuri felt his heart give a painful squeeze in his chest.

His head spun and he almost jumped out onto the platform without getting all his stuff first. At the last moment, he remembered that he had a small suitcase and returned to his compartment to grab it and run out of the train.

Victor ran towards him and they didn’t stop until they had their arms around each other.

“I missed you! Oh, how I missed you!” Yuuri exclaimed. He turned his head and kissed the side of Victor’s face.

Victor turned his own head and their lips met.

_Why is Moscow so far away from St. Petersburg? _Yuuri wondered, feeling every kilometer that separated them as sharply, as if he’d just crossed them on foot.

“Let’s go,” Victor murmured into Yuuri’s ear.

Yuuri wanted to cling on to him, but he forced himself to let Victor go and take his hand instead.

They walked together and Yuuri smiled at Victor.

“What? What is it?” Victor asked, looking around himself.

“I’m just very happy to see you again,” Yuuri told him. “Happy” didn’t do his feelings justice.

They exited the station and Yuuri was convinced that the sun shone in a clear blue sky over their heads.

“Do you want to stop for food first?” Victor asked, “And then we can go for a walk?”

“I want to pay back my debt first,” Yuuri said, holding Victor’s hand up to plant a kiss on his knuckles.

Victor’s face turned deep red. He nodded wordlessly.

“I’m going to have you first,” Yuuri whispered, “then I’ll eat some food. Is that alright? Or are you hungry?”

Victor reached over to catch a kiss. “I’m starving. I’m _dying_ for some, Dr. Yuuri.”

Yuuri laughed, feeling his cheeks burn.

They exchanged jokes the whole way to Victor’s apartment. Their laughter echoed in the stairwell as they climbed the stairs, forgetting that it was still early in the morning.

Victor opened the door as Yuuri tried to catch another kiss and they tumbled into the apartment with another loud burst of laughter.

They removed their shoes, gave Makkachin a quick hello and rushed off to the bedroom.

Victor tossed his clothes off before Yuuri could say or do anything and sat down on the edge of the bed. Yuuri rushed after him, as if it was a race.

It was the beginning of winter and Yuuri cursed all the layers he had on and which were now getting in his way. How had Victor done this so quickly?

Victor giggled as Yuuri got stuck in his shirt. “Well, Doctor? Will you dissect the shirt –”

Yuuri tossed it aside and stood naked before Victor. He put his hands on his hips and hoped that the smile on his face was a dangerous smirk and not the embarrassed grin of someone who’d just made a fool of himself. “Are you ready?”

Instead of an answer, Victor backed away on the bed, dropping his head onto the pillow.

Yuuri stepped up to him. His hand trailed over the bed until it reached one of Victor’s feet. He climbed onto the bed and let his fingers trail over the top of Victor’s foot and up to his calf where it stopped. He rubbed the skin affectionately with his thumb and lent down to place a kiss there. And froze.

This was the foot Victor had broken, the one they’d operated on. This was the one they’d put back together. This was the injury that almost ended with him unable to walk.

He stared at it as images of his past surgeries flashed before his eyes and then a young boy smiled sadly at him and spoke,

_“Will I be able to play the violin again, Doctor? Can I still become a musician when I grow up?”_

“Yuuri?” Victor called out in a worried voice.

He tried to smile. He forced himself to bend down and kiss Victor’s skin as if nothing was wrong, but his heart wasn’t in it anymore.

_“I have a competition in three weeks. I’d hate to miss it. Will I make it in time?”_

He raised his head and put on a smile just like he’d done the previous day.

_“Everything will be alright. I will do my best to help you, I promise.”_

“Are you ok?”

He didn’t want to alarm Victor. He owed him this. He’d promised and he’d keep his word. He didn’t want to make Victor angry or upset. He wanted things to go on as they were between them.

“It’s ok,” he lied. “I just…” He looked around for an excuse, but none came.

Victor sat up. “Yuuri…” he began.

He trembled in fear of what Victor would say next, as his mind filled treacherously with memories he didn’t want to think about right now.

And then he realized that there were tears pouring down his face. He turned away to hide them, but it was too late. “I’m sorry.”

“Yuuri! Are you hurt?” He felt Victor’s gentle touch on his shoulders as the man probably examined him for some sign of injury.

“There’s… there’s a boy. He’s twelve years old and plays the violin better than a lot of adults can.” Yuuri turned his head and met Victor’s eye. “He got into an accident abroad and I’m supposed to operate on his arm in two days.” He felt a shudder pass through his body as the fear rose up again.

He thought he’d gotten over this. He thought he could deal with this kind of situation – when there were pressures from all sides, when lots of people were counting on him – but he was wrong.

“Yuuri,” Victor whispered, placing a hand on Yuuri’s back.

“I can’t stop worrying about him. I’m sorry!” Yuuri hunched his shoulders. “What kind of doctor am I, if I get so anxious before a regular operation?”

“Yuuri.”

He let out a heavy sigh. “I just can’t stop thinking that if I get something wrong, not only will I ruin his career, but I could ruin his life!”

Victor put his arms around Yuuri and held him close. “You’re a brilliant surgeon,” he said. “They wouldn’t have let you do this surgery, if you weren’t ready.”

Yuuri didn’t say anything to that. He sat with his head lowered and continued to cry.

Victor placed his head on Yuuri’s shoulder. “Let’s have breakfast,” he whispered after a long silence. “And then let’s go for a walk.”

“I’m so sorry,” Yuuri apologized again, feeling how inadequate this apology was. “I ruined everything.”

“You didn’t,” Victor assured him.

Yuuri gave a heavy sigh. “I wanted to keep my promise.”

“And you can do that next time.” Victor pressed a kiss to Yuuri’s shoulder. “Go take a shower. I’ll wait for you in the kitchen.”

He got up and started to get dressed.

Yuuri didn’t move until Victor left. Then he got up and made for the bathroom. He had to do this. He had to keep going. A part of him wanted to curl up in Victor’s bed and sleep.

He stood under a cold stream of water with his eyes closed. He could still feel Victor’s kiss burning on his shoulder.

This time Victor made them both omelettes. He cut up peppers and tomatoes and folded the omelette over them.

Yuuri arrived in time to watch Victor make the second one. As soon as it was finished, he placed it on a plate and handed it to Yuuri, “Take the warmer one.”

Yuuri accepted it without argument and sat down at the table. He let Victor take care of him, trying not to feel guilty about that too.

Victor joined him at the table and rewarded Yuuri with a smile. “I was thinking we could go down Nevsky Prospekt this time. We can look at the canals and stop in one of the churches, if you want, or we can do a bit of shopping. We’ll get to the Neva and –”

Yuuri leaned forward and caught a kiss. He cupped Victor’s face with his left hand and held on as Victor responded.

_Maybe tonight I’ll be able to give you what you want._

Victor broke the kiss and kept talking as if there hadn’t been any interruption, “It’s probably too cold to stay near the river for too long, but maybe we can go to a café after that? How does that sound?”

“That sounds wonderful,” Yuuri replied with a smile.

They took their time following the route Victor had described, stopping to admire the shop displays in windows. They entered every shop that looked promising, but neither of them ended up buying anything.

After some time it began to snow. Heavy, grey clouds dropped snowflakes onto the city below.

Yuuri clung on to Victor’s arm. “Let’s go back,” he whispered. “I’m starting to freeze.”

“I’ll find some way to warm you up,” Victor promised, leading the way back.

Yuuri blushed, but Victor’s face looked so innocent that Yuuri suspected that he himself hadn’t realized what he’d just said.

As soon as they returned to Victor’s apartment, Victor proved this by feeding Yuuri a bowl of hot soup accompanied by a cup of hot tea.

“Are you feeling warm?” Victor asked, sitting down across the table from Yuuri. “I can bring you a blanket, if you’re cold.”

“I’m warm, really,” Yuuri assured him. “This soup is really delicious!”

“It’s an old family recipe,” Victor explained. He took his time with his own bowl of soup while Yuuri rushed through his bowl, unable to slow down. “Do you want seconds?”

“No, no, I’m alright,” Yuuri assured him. He slid the empty bowl away and picked up the cup of tea. He waited for Victor to finish his soup before asking, “What will we do now?”

“We can watch a movie,” Victor offered. “Or would you rather do something else?”

There was that innocent smile again and Yuuri realized that Victor had no plans to have sex with Yuuri that night. The realization felt as if a great weight had been lifted from Yuuri’s shoulders and he breathed easier.

“Let’s watch a movie,” he agreed.

They washed the dishes and moved to Victor’s living room.

Yuuri gave the living room a curious look, studying it thoroughly. A TV stood against one wall, facing a couch. The floor was covered with a rug and a bookshelf lurked in the furthest corner. He walked over to it, curious to see what books Victor kept in his apartment.

After making a few steps, Yuuri realized that there were more than just books on the shelves. Something gleamed and Yuuri crossed the room, drawn by the sparkle.

The backs of the shelves were lined with books while in front of them an impressive collection of medals stood on little stands, catching the light.

Olympic champion, world champion, grand prix champion, European champion – the list of Victor’s accomplishments was impressive, even more so since he’d won more than one medal from each championship over the course of his career.

Yuuri’s breath caught in his throat. He’d forgotten all about Victor’s skating career. He’d meant to look up videos of Victor’s skating and had only found the time to watch one. All he’d learned from it was that Victor looked beautiful on the ice. It hadn’t impressed upon him just how many medals the man had won during the course of his career.

“Amazing…” he breathed out.

“Thank you,” Victor’s voice said into his ear.

Yuuri turned and met his eye. “I didn’t – I forgot that… that you won so many competitions.”

A sad smile appeared on Victor’s face. “You’re not the only one who forgot,” he said.

Yuuri wanted to watch Victor skate. He wanted Victor to play one of his favourite programs and tell Yuuri all about it – where the idea had come from, how he’d put it together and how he’d felt when he’d won with it. But all those memories would only cause Victor pain. For the first time since he and Victor met, Yuuri felt like he was intruding somewhere he wasn’t welcome.

He looked away, trying to find something else to talk about, and his eye fell on the actual books on Victor’s shelves. All of them were beautifully bound and had gold letters on the spines. Victor had a good collection of the old classics.

Yuuri reached out for the first book he spotted. “I have a better idea.” He pulled it off the shelf. “Let’s read to each other.”

Victor agreed happily. He sat down on the couch and Yuuri settled down beside him. He opened to the first page and read.

Victor’s hand curled around his waist, making Yuuri’s voice falter a little. He leaned his head against Victor’s shoulder and read on.

Perhaps, someone would’ve laughed at Yuuri for what he was doing, but he’d imagined them both watching a movie, all their attention fixed on the TV, barely aware of each other’s presence, and he grabbed the first other idea that came his way.

They didn’t notice several hours go by and only stopped when Makkachin started begging to go outside.

It was late when they went to sleep, having spent a long time lying side by side under the blankets and taking turns reading the book aloud.

Victor was very good at reading aloud. He did different voices for the characters and got very dramatic in different parts.

Afterwards, Yuuri lay in the dark, listing off all of Victor’s qualities in his mind.

_Great cook, kind-hearted, loves dogs, has a good voice and a great… _

Morning crept in, dark like all November mornings in St. Petersburg.

Yuuri awoke, feeling warm and comfortable. For a moment, he thought he was back home, not in his apartment in Moscow, but in his parents’ house. He lay with his eyes closed and imagined the breakfasts his mother used to make for him.

His eyes opened and he saw Victor lying next to him. His breathing was steady, telling Yuuri that he was still asleep.

They’d removed all their clothes before they settled down to sleep together, without stopping to think about it, and at some point during the night their legs got tangled around each other under the blankets.

And then Yuuri noticed that his hand was on Victor’s chest, resting right over the man’s heart.

Yuuri smiled and put his head down next to it.

Maybe it was possible for them to just meet up and spend time together without having any sex.

He closed his eyes. He’d have to think about that. Sometimes it was possible, but at other times… Other times he wouldn’t be able to resist, not when he knew how good Victor was in bed.

Under his ear, Victor’s heart beat steadily on and it was the best music he could ask for.

The next time Yuuri woke up, the space beside him was empty. He followed the delicious smells to the kitchen where Victor was preparing another tempting breakfast.

“Good morning!” Victor exclaimed. “Sorry for getting up without waking you up, but I thought I could prepare breakfast while you’re still sleeping.”

Yuuri hugged him from behind. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re perfect?” he whispered into Victor’s ear.

Victor laughed. “You’re only saying that because you’re hungry!”

“I’m serious,” Yuuri insisted, tightening his hold on Victor.

“Thank you.”

Again they spent the morning wandering around the city and the afternoon indoors.

When it was time for Yuuri to leave, Victor approached him with a packed sports bag.

“What’s this?” Yuuri asked.

“I made you some food to take home,” Victor explained. “You spent all your free time with me, so it’s only fair.”

“No-no!” Yuuri protested. “You don’t have to do this for me! I’m the one who – I promised to –”

Victor smiled sadly and shook his head. “Forget all that,” he said. “Let’s go, or you’ll miss your train.”

Yuuri fidgeted awkwardly the whole way to the train station. Finally, right before he was supposed to board the train, he enveloped Victor in a hug. “Thank you,” he whispered, “for taking care of me.”

Victor stepped back, smiled and then pecked Yuuri on the cheek. “See you soon!”

Yuuri pressed a hand to his cheek as he raised his eyes at Victor. They’d done so much together. They’d exchanged more than one passionate kiss, but, for some reason, this small peck made a blush rise to Yuuri’s cheeks.

_Oh._

“I’ll help you carry your bags onto the train,” Victor offered. “It’s a little hard to do it all by yourself. Sorry the bag I packed for you is so heavy.”

“It’s alright, I can –” Yuuri protested feebly as his mind filled with completely different thoughts.

“It’s no trouble,” Victor insisted and carried the bags on. “Which carriage is yours?”

“Um… number two, and I’m in the third compartment,” Yuuri answered, following Victor onto the train and down a corridor.

Victor found the right spot and set the bag down. He turned to face Yuuri with a smile. “I’ll come see you next time,” he promised.

“Thank you so much! F-for everything.” Yuuri stared at his feet, feeling very self-conscious.

Victor hugged Yuuri tightly. “Take care of yourself.”

“Y-you too.” He was getting flustered too easily now. His heart was beating fast and the blush refused to leave his cheeks.

_To hell with it! _He pulled Victor into a kiss and did his best to convey everything he was feeling in that moment just as he began to understand himself what was in his heart.

“Tickets, please!”

They pulled apart sharply.

A little old lady with a loud voice stood before them. “Tickets!” she demanded.

“Sorry,” Victor spoke up. “I’m just here to say goodbye. I’ll get off.”

Yuuri followed Victor to the door of the carriage and then watched him get down onto the platform. The train conductor stood next to him, still waiting to see his ticket.

Yuuri took it out and showed it to her, impatient for her to be gone. That done, he returned to waving to Victor.

A few more minutes passed as more passengers got on. A whistle sounded and the doors all closed. The train began to pull out of the station.

He wanted to jump off the train and run towards Victor like a character from a movie, but he couldn’t. He had to be in Moscow tomorrow and he had a promise to keep.

Victor ran after the train, still waving, as if the both of them were tied to each other by a string.

“Victor!” Yuuri shouted over the noise of the train. “Thank you for everything!”

“Take care of yourself! Please!” Victor shouted back.

The platform ended and Victor stopped running. The train picked up speed and Yuuri tried to stick his head out the window to see Victor, but then the train made a slight turn and Victor disappeared from view.

And then the memory of Yuuri’s nightmare on the train dropped on Yuuri like a bucket of ice cold water. He almost fell over as he remembered the look of relief on Victor’s face at the realization that he was free at last.

Yuuri stumbled back into his compartment where a huge man was already snoring loudly on the opposite bunk.

He was suddenly struck by how lonely he felt. His time together with Victor felt unreasonably short, as if they’d only seen each other for one second, as if Yuuri’s train had come all the way to St. Petersburg only for them to say hello and then it took him back to Moscow at once.

Yuuri lay down on his bunk.

This time he had nothing to write about in his notebook. He closed his eyes and thought about the sound of Victor’s voice. Maybe there was something for him to write about after all.

The following morning as Yuuri got off the train he got a text form Victor.

_I hope you got some sleep on the train. What time is the operation?_

_Noon, _Yuuri texted back.

_Good luck! Text me when you’re done._

He stopped at his house to drop his things off and change. He left Victor’s bag in the kitchen and would’ve forgotten all about it if he hadn’t returned to the kitchen to get some food to take with him. When his eyes fell on the bag he remembered about the food Victor had made for him.

He hesitated before opening the bag. He knew he had to put the food in the fridge, but he didn’t want to rearrange something Victor had spent time arranging.

Finally he gathered his courage and undid the top zipper. A box lay at the very top of other things. It had a sticky note on the lid, covered in Victor’s curly handwriting.

_Breakfast for Monday, _it read.

He took it out and put it on his table. His heart beat fast as a feeling of deep gratitude overtook him. There was an omelette inside the box that was still a little warm.

Yuuri set it aside and dug through the rest of the bag. It was full of little boxes, all labelled with sticky notes. He took stock of what he had.

Victor gave him two portions of the soup Yuuri had enjoyed so much. He’d made pancakes and cooked rice with chicken. There was enough food here for half a week, if he followed Victor’s labels.

Yuuri arranged them all neatly in his fridge and returned to Monday’s breakfast.

_How do I thank you for doing all this for me? _he wondered as he ate the omelette.

Once he finished eating, he packed his things, remembering to take Monday’s lunch with him and then hesitated.

He removed Victor’s notes for Monday’s breakfast and lunch. He took his notebook out of his bag, opened to a new page and stuck the notes inside. He would keep every single note, he decided.

_I have to make him food next time he comes here, _Yuuri decided as he walked out of the apartment. _I want him to experience this._

The grey walls of the hospital rose before him and, for a while, he forgot about the meals Victor had made for him. He went through the hours that followed, becoming increasingly more aware of the surgery he feared so much getting closer.

The dreaded hour came, but when he found himself in the operating room with the musician’s arm before him all he could see was the task before him and he knew what had to be done.

As he worked, he gave the nurses orders with the calm air of someone who’d done this type of operation for twenty years. It wasn’t until he was done and the nurses congratulated him that he remembered what he’d actually been doing.

He left the room to take a short rest. His own body began clamoring for attention and he decided to have lunch.

Monday’s lunch was more of that soup and it reminded Yuuri of his promise to text Victor.

_It’s done, _he texted and gave a heavy sigh.

The phone rang and Yuuri answered it at once.

“Yuuri! How did it go?”

He closed his eyes, letting Victor’s enthusiasm wash over him. Here he was – eating Victor’s soup and talking to him. It was almost as if he was back in St. Petersburg.

“It went well, I think,” he added with a touch of uncertainty. “I did everything I was supposed to, but I won’t know how well I did it until some time passes. The wound needs time to heal.”

“I have no doubt that it will heal properly,” Victor answered him.

Yuuri finished the soup off and laughed.

“Where are you right now?” Victor asked. “Are you still in the hospital?”

“Yes. We have a break room and I’m taking a few minutes for lunch. Thank you again for all the food, Victor!”

“Did I interrupt your lunch? I’m sorry!”

Yuuri laughed and relaxed in his chair. “No, no, I’m done. It’s fine. And you’re allowed to interrupt!”  
He blushed, but the words were true and no power could make him take them back.

“What’s the weather like in Moscow today?”

Yuuri got up and went to the window to check. He’d barely paid the weather any attention when he’d left his apartment and he hadn’t been outside for many hours.

He stared out at the grey sky and then he lowered his eyes to the parking lot, wondering if it had snowed or rained while he’d been working.

A figure looked up at him from the parking lot.

_It can’t be!_

Yuuri ran to the nearest stairwell and then rushed down the steps, forgetting that he was still on the phone with Victor. He ran out and the figure was still standing there. Yuuri sprinted across the parking lot.

It couldn’t be. But it was.

Victor smiled at Yuuri and lowered his phone from his ear. “Hello,” he said, as if he’d just walked down the street and not crossed 700 kilometers to be here.

Yuuri threw his arms around him. “You came here! Did you follow me back to Moscow? But why didn’t you say something?” He stepped back and took Victor in, still holding on to his arms.

Only then did he notice that Victor was holding a bouquet of flowers.

“I wanted to – I realized too late that I should’ve gone with you,” Victor explained. “You looked so nervous that I wanted to be there with you. So I took the first high speed train in the morning.”

“Thank you.” _A million times thank you!_

He didn’t have to do this, but how many times had Yuuri pointed that out to him already? But – and this was more important – Yuuri didn’t want Victor to stop doing this for him.

Victor handed Yuuri the flowers. “I have to go back,” he said. “I came to make sure you were alright, but now my pupil needs me.”

“I’ll come see you on Friday,” Yuuri promised. “It’s my turn now.”

This time Victor didn’t argue. “Tell me what you want to eat and I’ll have the food ready.”

They caught each other in a long hug and held on as if it was impossible to let go.

Victor pressed a kiss to Yuuri’s cheek. “Go,” he whispered. “There are patients waiting for you.”

Yuuri pulled away and looked at Victor. “Friday,” he said, “I’ll take the high speed train as soon as I finish work.”

“Friday,” Victor repeated and they exchanged a last long kiss.

Finally Yuuri wrenched himself away and walked back to the hospital, throwing frequent glances back over his shoulder.

Victor remained in his spot, watching Yuuri go and waving goodbye.

By the time Yuuri returned to the break room and stared out the window Victor had gone. If it hadn’t been for the bouquet of flowers in his hands, Yuuri would’ve thought that their meeting had been no more than a dream.

He found a nurse, asked her to look after his flowers and returned to his duties.

That night, Yuuri returned home late, his tired feet barely carrying him. One of the nurses had found a vase for his flowers and he took it home, having no vase of his own and promising to return it soon.

He spent a long time unable to decide where to put the flowers. The kitchen felt like the logical spot, but then he thought about the living room and finally he decided that the best place was obviously the bedroom where they could keep him company while he slept.

He set them down and arranged them. And then he froze. There was something in the bouquet that wasn’t a flower. He pulled it out, taking care to avoid damaging any flowers.

It was an envelope.

_For Yuuri, _it said in Victor’s writing.

Yuuri’s heart beat fast. What could it possibly have inside?

All this time, it hadn’t occurred to him to really think about his own feelings towards the man, not until the day before. Now he wondered if Victor felt the same way.

Was this a confession, then?

His hands trembled as he opened the envelope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters left!
> 
> I confess that I'm already thinking about which fic to write next.


	11. Victor

The skating season hadn’t been easy on Yuri, or on Victor. Yuri’s senior debut consisted in facing all of Victor’s rivals out on the ice. Had Victor retired completely from figure skating, then it would’ve been simply “Yuri Plisetsky’s senior debut,” but instead it was “Victor Nikiforov’s pupil vs Victor Nikiforov’s rivals.” People watched Yuri with the mad expectation that he’d be another Victor Nikiforov.

Victor himself was very conscious of all this, but he was at a complete loss as to what to do. By the time they reached the Grand Prix Final, it had become Victor Nikiforov’s Final.

Yuri was furious, but he hid it really well. Victor, for once, wasn’t as good at hiding his feelings.

There were two weeks left until the competition when Victor arrived at the skating rink for another run-through with Yuri.

It was Friday. In a couple of hours he would see Yuuri again. The thought added a spring to his step and then he noticed the crowd at the doors. It was the press.

The smile on his face became forced.

“Mr. Nikiforov!” they shouted and surrounded him from all sides.

“Good morning,” he greeted them.

“Mr. Nikiforov, what do you think about your pupil’s chances in the Final? Do you expect him to win both segments? What do you think about the other skaters?”

He stared at them. Why were they asking him the same questions as before? Did they expect him to change his answers from last time?

“How would you evaluate yourself as a coach?” someone added.

He went through his grocery bill in his head. Then he mentally listed the dishes he planned to cook for Yuuri and he made sure that he had all the necessary ingredients to make all of them.

They all held their breaths, waiting for his answer.

“I have a pupil to train,” he declared and pushed past them. “We’ll find out who the best skater is at the Final.”

An angry murmur followed those words.

He kept walking as he forced himself to think about Yuuri, to picture them both sprawled out under the blankets as they read to each other.

“Mr. Feltsman told the press that you don’t have what it takes to be a good coach,” a journalist shouted after him.

It was an obvious lie and Victor kept going, not even bothering to stop, because to stop was to acknowledge that he’d heard them. Instead, he imagined Yuuri was hugging him, clinging on really tight in that way of his.

He wanted Yuuri to be here with him. He _needed _Yuuri to be here with him.

They left him alone after that, but their presence seemed to follow him around and Victor felt it suffocating him even as he stood at the boards and watched his pupil skate.

Yuri finished his first run-through and held the final pose.

“Skate it again,” Victor ordered, his anger there in the edge of his voice. “That didn’t feel like Agape at all. It was full of anger, not love.”

Yuri glared at him and gave a frustrated sigh. “You’re right,” he conceded after a long pause.

“Of course I am,” Victor agreed and heard the anger that was in Yuri’s skate in his own voice.

The second run-through wasn’t any better.

Victor let out a long sigh. He closed his eyes and imagined Yuuri sitting in his kitchen and eating the soup Victor had made for him. Finally he opened his eyes and went out onto the ice to join Yuri.

“Forget about the press,” he ordered. “You’re not skating for them. You’re not skating for the judges either, not really. You’re skating for the audience. You want to get the feeling across to them. They might not know the word Agape, but they will recognize selfless love when they see it. If you can get them to understand the feeling you’re trying to convey, the judges will see it too.”

Yuri gave him a side-eyed look. “Selfless love doesn’t exist,” he grumbled.

Victor gave a little shake of his head. “You can’t mean that.”

The boy rolled his eyes. “In movies and books, maybe it does, but not in real life.”

It wasn’t a good day for arguing and Victor thought about Yuuri again to keep calm. “Let’s go over your jumps.”

Yuri had no argument against that.

This went a lot smoother. Victor watched closely, focusing all of his thoughts on the jump and forcing himself to forget about everything else for now.

They went on in this way until lunch when they took a break to eat, after which Yuri was supposed to switch to training in the gym.

Yuri was in the change room, tying his shoelaces as Victor waited for him.

They always had lunch together. Yuri lived by himself and Victor, remembering all too well what it was like to live alone as a teenager, often invited his pupil over and treated him to lunch.

That day was no different and Victor made his invitation yet again, more out of a desire to be with someone than to do something nice for Yuri.

“I hope you know a secret exit,” a third voice cut in.

Victor turned his head and his mouth dropped open.

Yuuri – who was only supposed to be in Moscow in the evening – was standing before him when it was (Victor glanced at the clock) barely noon.

“Did I – did you – I thought you would only be here in the evening!” he exclaimed. It sounded like an accusation and he hurried to correct himself before Yuuri could misunderstand. “I mean – I thought – If I’d known you were coming earlier, I would’ve met you at the station!”

Yuuri smiled and Victor’s heart flipped over. “I wanted to surprise you. It’s in exchange for surprising me.”

Victor hugged Yuuri, holding him close to his chest. “Thank you,” he said.

“What was that about a secret exit?” Yuri’s voice cut in, reminding Victor where he was and that they weren’t alone.

He released Yuuri. He wanted more than anything to kiss the man as hard as he could, but he was suddenly very conscious of Yuri’s presence.

“The press has the arena surrounded,” Yuuri explained, making eye contact with Yuri and then turning his head to meet Victor’s eye. “When I saw them, I got worried that something happened, but, thankfully, they let me through. I guess they’re not interested in me.” He shrugged and a grin spread over his face.

Victor saw the expression on his pupil’s face and imagined what was on the boy’s mind. The press would become very interested in Yuuri as soon as it found out about their dating. And that was only a matter of time.

“Why are they here?” Yuuri asked.

And then Victor realized that Yuuri didn’t know one important thing about him.

“Because of _him_, obviously,” Yuri answered, angrily. He pointed at Victor and rolled his eyes, without even stopping to think why Yuuri was asking this question.

Yuuri’s eyes studied Victor, as if searching for a big change in his appearance. “Why?”

“You really don’t know, do you?” Yuri exclaimed. “You’re dating Victor and you don’t know? Hasn’t he told you that he’s famous?”

Yuuri coloured and reached out for Victor’s hand. “I know that Victor is a talented skater who won many competitions.”

“Yeah, well…” Victor mumbled, unsure of what to say to that. Was he supposed to agree? Wouldn’t that make him sound very arrogant?

“The press is always all over Victor,” Yuri went on explaining. “He’s _our dear hero _and _the symbol of Russia_.” He rolled his eyes. “As soon as he opens his mouth, there’s a million people recording every word. How do you not know this?”

Yuuri lowered his head, as if he’d been accused of a great crime. “I… I don’t follow figure skating… or the news. I haven’t had the time for that.” Then he raised his head and met Victor’s eye. “But now that you mention it, I remember you saying something like this when we first met.”

_I don’t care if he doesn’t know, _Victor thought, squeezing Yuuri’s hand. “All that doesn’t matter,” he said. “It’s all done with.” That wasn’t exactly true, but it was over as far as Victor was concerned. “Let’s go eat. I know a way out that will keep us out of the way of the press. I used to use it all the time.”

To Victor’s great relief, they dropped the subject of his celebrity status and talked about lunch instead.

They snuck out without the press spotting them and made for Victor’s apartment where another surprise was waiting for them – lunch was ready and the table in the kitchen was set for two people.

Yuuri hastily added another place setting for Yuri.

“You didn’t have to do this,” Victor protested.

“I wanted to,” Yuuri countered, pulling a chair out for Victor and then pushing it in after he sat down. “You spent so much time taking care of me that it’s only fair if I take care of you.” He set a bowl down in front of Victor. “You two should eat. You must be very hungry after your training.”

Victor glanced at his pupil. Yuri was devouring the soup at an incredible speed.

Yuuri sat down on Victor’s other side and took his time eating his lunch.

There was something warm and relaxing about the way they sat together and ate in his kitchen. He kept glancing at Yuuri, unable to believe how perfect this moment was.

“You took the train as soon as you finished work?” he asked, remembering Yuuri’s promise the last time they met.

“Yes.”

“How many hours did you work for before coming?” He remembered then about Yuuri’s long shifts and worried.

“36,” Yuuri answered calmly.

Yuri’s head snapped up. “36? You worked for _thirty-six_ hours straight?”

“I had little breaks in between,” Yuuri assured him. “I took a few naps and I slept on the train.”

“But the high speed train takes less than four hours to get here!” Victor exclaimed. “You must be really tired!” And then he had an idea, “Why don’t you sleep while Yuri and I continue his training?”

Yuuri frowned. “I’d hoped I could come with you,” he admitted.

“You can come with us tomorrow, right Yuri?” He looked at his pupil.

Yuri was watching the exchange without saying a word.

Victor thought nothing about it at the time and turned his attention back to his guest. There were dark circles under Yuuri’s eyes. Victor got up before Yuuri could start to wash the dishes.

“You barely had any time to rest,” he said. “You look exhausted. Here, I’ll prepare something for you.” And then Victor, who never thought twice about kissing Yuuri in public, was suddenly very embarrassed of offering him his own bed in front of his pupil. It was stupid, but Victor couldn’t help it. “I’ll… um… get you some blankets and a pillow. The couch is very comfortable, so hopefully you’ll get some sleep while we’re away.”

“Thank you.” Yuuri rose and followed Victor into the living room where Victor covered the couch with one blanket and brought out another one for Yuuri to cover himself with.

Yuuri lay down and Victor draped the second blanket over him, tucking him in.

“Sleep well. I’ll wake you up when I come back. He kissed Yuuri on the forehead and stepped away.

“Thank you,” Yuuri whispered, reaching out to catch Victor’s hand.

He stood for a long time, unable to pull free of Yuuri’s hold and didn’t go until Yuuri released him.

It was late in the evening when Victor returned home. He hesitated at the door, not knowing whether he should ring the doorbell or not. What if Yuuri was still asleep?

He fished his keys out of his pockets and opened the door as quietly as he could.

It was dark and quiet in the apartment. Even Makkachin didn’t come out to greet him and Victor imagined the dog asleep at the foot of the couch.

He locked the door and removed his jacket by the faint light that came into the apartment from the outside.

Taking slow, quiet steps and doing his best to avoid the floorboards that creaked, Victor entered his living room.

Yuuri was still asleep on the couch and, just as Victor had thought, Makkachin was keeping him company. It was a very heartwarming image.

Should he wake Yuuri, or leave him be? Yuuri needed his sleep, but night was getting close and if Yuuri slept on, he might wake up in the early hours of the morning, his body’s sleep cycle completely messed up.

Victor walked over to the couch and lowered himself to his knees. “Yuuri,” he said in a low voice, gently caressing his face with his hand, “it’s time to wake up.”

Yuuri shifted towards Victor’s touch. “Hmmm…”

“Yuuri,” Victor called a little louder.

His eyelids trembled. He opened his eyes and stared up at Victor. “You came back,” he whispered.

Victor smiled. “Of course I did.”

Yuuri placed his hands on Victor’s shoulders and pulled him close. His mouth caught Victor’s hungrily.

Victor responded as his hands trailed down to Yuuri’s back and then slipped under the blankets to rest on Yuuri’s thighs.

Yuuri made a sound in the back of his throat and broke the kiss. He took Victor’s head with both hands and looked into his eyes. “I love you.” He said the words in a low voice, but with more emotion than Victor had ever heard from him.

Victor’s heart beat faster. “I love you too,” he whispered back, remembering he was on his knees in front of Yuuri.

Yuuri gave a gentle sigh that made a shiver go up Victor’s spine. “I want to make love to you,” he declared and slid a thumb over Victor’s cheek. “Will you let me, Viten’ka?”

Victor stared with his mouth open. Was he dreaming? Was it possible that this was really happening?

“What’s wrong?” Yuuri asked, his eyes clouding with worry.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” Victor admitted in a whisper. “It feels like a dream.”

Yuuri blushed and then laughed. He tossed the blanket aside and slid forward on the couch so that his legs were on either side of Victor. He reached down to plant little kisses on Victor’s neck. “What about this?” he whispered into the man’s ear. “Does this feel like a dream?”

“Yes…” Victor moaned, trembling.

Yuuri’s fingers slipped into Victor’s hair. He watched Victor close his eyes and give another moan. “Take me to your bedroom,” he whispered.

Victor didn’t need to be asked twice. He held Yuuri with both hands and rose to his feet, feeling stronger than ever. He carried Yuuri out of the room as if he was as light as a feather.

Once in his room, Victor lowered Yuuri down on the bed and undressed himself hastily.

Yuuri caught his hands before he could get too carried away. “I’m sorry, I didn’t ask: you must be hungry. Do you want to have dinner first?”

Victor caught another kiss, holding Yuuri’s head with both hands. “No,” he said when he finally found it in him to break the kiss. “This first, then dinner.” He gave Yuuri a brief kiss. “And then sex again,” he whispered.

Yuuri laughed and reached out to undo the belt around Victor’s pants. “Of course!”

They worked together to get all their clothes out of their way and then Yuuri spread his legs and pulled Victor down for another kiss.

“Yuuri…” Victor pulled away and dropped down again, “do you think you could… tie me up again?”

There was uncertainty in Yuuri’s eyes. “I… thought we could… I could… I thought making love meant no ropes, or anything like that.”

Victor raised himself on his elbows and stared down at Yuuri’s face. “I don’t think so…” he said and waited. It was Yuuri’s choice, of course it was.

Yuuri sat up. “I think I left it in my bag from my last visit…” he said.

He made a move to go get the rope, but Victor caught him by the hands. “You don’t have to do this for me. Only if you want to…”

Yuuri raised Victor’s hand to his lips and planted slow kisses on each of his knuckles. He raised his head. “How could I forget that making love to you must include tying you up?” He leaned closer and lowered his voice. “It wouldn’t be fun otherwise.” His hot breath tickled Victor’s cheek.

All the blood rushed to Victor’s face. His mouth dropped open.

Yuuri trailed his thumb over Victor’s lips. “Yes, I think I’ll have you begging for more several times tonight.”

Sweat trailed down Victor’s back. He felt his knees shake under him and dropped onto one side and rolled over onto his back.

“Hold that thought,” Yuuri whispered and slipped out of the room.

Victor barely dared to breathe.

When Yuuri returned, he climbed onto the bed with his knees on either side of Victor, the red rope clutched tightly in both hands. He stopped and raised it to his mouth and caught it with his teeth.

Victor felt more blood rise to his face. His mouth opened, but he couldn’t make a single sound.

Yuuri held still for several minutes and then shifted forward, letting his pelvis press against Victor’s.

“Tie me up, please,” Victor begged in a hoarse voice and held his hands out.

“Put them under your back,” and then the mask dropped and Yuuri was his usual caring self. “Fold your arms behind you, but in a way that’s comfortable. Please.”

Victor obeyed and Yuuri leaned over him, looping the string over and under him. His face was suspended over Victor’s chest as he worked. Once the last knot was complete, he reached down and planted a kiss over one nipple and then a second one over the other.

Victor breathed louder. He could feel himself going hard and Yuuri as well.

Yuuri rubbed his nose down the middle of Victor’s chest and sat up. His eyes swept over Victor’s body and he even shifted back a little so he could see Victor’s dick.

Victor’s arms were tied behind his back. The rope started at one thigh, went up to his chest and shoulders were it crossed over several times and then went down his other leg, leaving most of Victor’s body open for Yuuri. He remembered this tying scheme from one of the pages of his book, but the page number slipped from his memory.

“Um…” Yuuri hesitated.

“It’s not tight,” Victor assured him. “I promise.”

“I was just thinking…” Yuuri coloured. “Can I… Can I take a photo of you? I promise I won’t show it to anyone! I just…” He looked away and Victor became aware of his overwhelming need for Yuuri to keep looking at him. “Well, I overheard two girls talking about their boyfriend… I mean one of them was talking about her boyfriend and she had a photo of him on her phone and I realized that I have no photos of you.”

“Of course you can!” Victor exclaimed, turning red at the thought that Yuuri will have photos of him naked on his phone. “Can I take photos of you? Later, I mean.” He needed a photo of Yuuri leaning over him with that dangerous look on his face.

“Yes! Of course!” He gave his permission as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

_So did I, _Victor thought while Yuuri searched in the pile of their clothes for his phone.

Yuuri found it at last and held it up over Victor.

“D-do you want me to smile?” It was a dumb question, but he couldn’t think of what to do for the photo and he wanted it to turn out well.

Yuuri climbed off the bed and experimented with the lights in the room until he filled it with a warm glow. Finally he returned to his spot.

“Um… maybe a blush?” he suggested.

Victor stared up at Yuuri and felt like an idiot. He blushed so easily around Yuuri, but now all he could do was give an awkward smile. “Um… sorry…”

Yuuri held his phone with one hand as the other slid up Victor’s leg, paused at his knee and then trailed up Victor’s thigh, rubbing it with his thumb.

Victor felt the blood rise to his face again.

Yuuri shifted a little, trying to catch a good angle and biting his lip in concentration.

“That’s perfect,” he whispered and lowered his phone with a little nod. He put on an innocent expression and asked, “Can you turn over?”

The sight of that single lip bite was making it hard to think. He tried to hide his confusion with a joke. “A-are you thinking of setting a photo of my ass as your phone wallpaper?”

A silence followed those words. Yuuri was seriously considering his answer. “I suppose I could… but then if I give someone my phone, they’ll see it.” Now there was a dangerous glint in Yuuri’s eyes. “It’s not a sight I’m willing to share with the world.”

Victor turned over onto his stomach to hide his face. He tried not to think about the view Yuuri had at that moment and he told himself to be patient, but it was getting harder every minute. Couldn’t he wait for a few more minutes?

He felt Yuuri’s hands on him, turning him over gently. “I’m finished for now,” he declared and leaned down over Victor. His thumbs rubbed Victor’s hips as his lips got closer to Victor’s dick. “My next picture will be of you all covered in sweat,” he whispered.

Victor breathed louder. His breathing filled his ears, as if there were no other sounds in the world.

“Oh, wait!” Yuuri raised his head. “I almost forgot!”

“Yes?” he asked weakly as the rest of him shouted “now!”

“Does this mean –” Yuuri cut himself off and sat up straighter. “Will you be my boyfriend, Victor? Um… for real this time?”

He lay tied up on his pillow and stared up at Yuuri, wondering how one person could be so incredible. He was so lucky. So very, very lucky to have met someone like Yuuri. Yuuri was a keeper.

“I do,” he said and then turned bright red. “I – I mean: I will. I’ll be your boyfriend, I mean. It… it will be my…” Pleasure? Honour? He wasn’t sure which. Both, definitely.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to confess,” Yuuri went on, not noticing Victor’s little slip. “My head is a mess.”

“Please don’t apologize!” Victor protested. “I should’ve confessed first. I… I don’t know why I didn’t.” Again, he felt foolish. It was so obvious that he’d been in love with Yuuri from the very start, from the first time he saw him, Victor told himself. Why hadn’t he seen it sooner?

They exchanged a long look, full of many words that didn’t need to be said aloud to be understood.

Yuuri’s hands returned to rubbing Victor’s hips. “I think I tried your patience for long enough now.”

Victor nodded.

Yuuri’s hands gripped Victor tighter as he lowered his head.

Victor let out a relieved sigh. For several minutes, all he could do was gasp and then Yuuri released him and raised his head.

His face was bathed in the warm light of the room. There was a sparkle in his eyes and a smile on his face. His fingers, meanwhile, moved as if on their own, sliding around Victor’s hips, over his buttocks and burying themselves inside Victor.

“I was thinking…” Yuuri whispered, “maybe I shouldn’t bother with getting the lube now. You won’t mind if I use my hands, do you?”

Victor gasped. “H-how can I mind? You’re always so good – ah! – at using your hands.”

“Thank you.” Yuuri shifted forward. “And you are very good at using your mouth.”

Victor frowned and looked Yuuri in the eye. “Does that mean I can talk well, or…?”

Yuuri burst out laughing. “Definitely “or”!”

Victor considered the words more closely. “Definitely?” _I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that I’m not good with words. Skaters aren’t expected to be… _He thought about the press. _Or maybe they are? _

“What’s wrong?” Yuuri asked.

“Am I good with words, Yuuri?”

“I’d say you are,” Yuuri answered simply.

That settled it. Victor relaxed and gave Yuuri a big grin. “Now wasn’t there someone you were about to do?”

Yuuri laughed. Then he leaned forward with the words, “I think I’ll go get the lube after all.”

Victor opened his mouth to ask “why?” and realized that his mouth was dry.

Yuuri pulled away and got off the bed. For a few minutes he was outside Victor’s field of vision.

Victor closed his eyes and breathed slowly. There was too much happening all at once. He needed time to let it all sink in. He and Yuuri were officially dating now. None of this was just flirting, or just about sex.

Yuuri said he loved Victor, actually _loved_ him.

Yuuri climbed onto the bed with a bottle in his hand. His hair was dishevelled. There was a triumphant grin on his face.

If Victor had had any doubts about his own feelings up until that moment, a single glance at Yuuri’s face would’ve been enough to provide him with an answer.

Victor waited for Yuuri to cover them both with lube and just as the man raised his legs, Victor met his eye once more and whispered, “I love you,” entrusting his whole self to Yuuri with that simple phrase.

An eternity later, Victor’s mind surfaced as Yuuri let him go.

“Victor…” Yuuri breathed out, dropping his head down onto his chest. “You must be… Let’s have dinner…”

His hands scrambled around to untie all the knots and free Victor of all the rope. Victor gasped for air.

“There will be more, I promise,” Yuuri whispered into his ear.

And he kept his word this time. After a dinner they cooked together, after they walked Makkachin, they returned to the bedroom and forgot about everything but each other.

Morning came and Victor woke up with Yuuri’s arms wrapped tightly around him. One of Yuuri’s hands was resting over his heart while his face was pressed against Victor’s back. Their legs were in a complicated tangle and – Victor blushed – one of Yuuri’s legs was raised between his.

_Yuuri said he loves me, _Victor suddenly remembered and pressed a hand over the one Yuuri had over his heart.

“Mmm…” Yuuri turned his head and his nose dug into Victor’s back. He shifted a little in his sleep. One of his hands – which only now Victor realized had rested on his stomach – slid down.

“Y-Yuuri!”

Yuuri kissed Victor’s back and then planted a brief kiss on Victor’s shoulder. “Good morning…” he whispered.

He pulled away and Victor turned to face him. Victor slipped a hand over Yuuri’s cheek and watched him smile.

“I love you,” Yuuri whispered.

Victor leaned in for a kiss, but Yuuri put a hand over his mouth. “I need to wash my mouth first,” he insisted. He slipped off the bed and into the bathroom

Victor put his hands over his face. Yuuri loved him! Yuuri, who was currently in his bathroom, brushing his teeth with the toothbrush he’d kept in Victor’s apartment – _that_ Yuuri – the Yuuri who’d tied him up and made love to him the night before – the Yuuri who was kind, and beautiful, and very smart – Yuuri was in love with _him_.

“Victor?”

He lowered his hands and saw Yuuri standing in the doorway.

“Are you alright?” Yuuri walked over to him and gave him a worried look.

“I’m ok – I’m better than ok! I’m amazing!” Victor shifted forward on the bed with a happy grin.

“Good. Why don’t you lie back down? I have an idea. It will take some time to get things ready, though.”

“I can wait,” Victor promised, dropping back onto his pillow.

Yuuri left the room and Victor stared after him. The man was still completely – no, no, Victor corrected himself – he was _butt_ naked.

Victor giggled. He was feeling giddy, and foolish, and oh-so-very-much in love. He almost dashed out of the room after Yuuri, but remembered just in time that Yuuri had asked him to stay there and wait.

He amused himself by replaying the night before in his mind and then tried to imagine what Yuuri would write about it. He, Victor, had to write something too. What could he write?

His hand slid under the pillow and brushed against something. He pulled it out and recognized the guide to kinks he’d left there himself a few nights ago. The book had become his regular bedtime reading.

He sat up against his pillow and flipped through the book. He’d left a pen between his pages and retrieved it now to put a little checkmark on page 134, which showed one of several ways to tie your partner up so that neither the rope, nor their body would get in the way of anything.

Victor read the tips in the box at the bottom of the page, put a checkmark next to all of them and added in “verified by Yuuri and Victor.”

He felt the sudden urge to add a tip of his own, but couldn’t think of anything. It was all covered here, wasn’t it? He drew a heart around his and Yuuri’s names as he tried to think of something. After he added little hearts around the big one, an idea came to him at last.

“For the best experience,” he wrote, imitating the guide’s writing style, “your partner needs to be Yuuri Katsuki.”

There. Perfect.

He flipped to the pages he’d bookmarked and tried to decide which one he wanted to try next.

Footsteps sounded in the hall, the smell of food filled the room and Victor raised his head.

Yuuri entered the bedroom, carrying a tray loaded with a small teapot, two cups, two plates, a stack of waffles and a bowl filled with fruit. “Breakfast is ready!” he announced.

Victor tossed the book aside and reclined against his pillow, preparing himself for whatever “Breakfast is ready!” meant.

Yuuri set the tray down on the bed and Victor realized with a shock that he was wearing an apron.

“Oops! I forgot the forks!” Yuuri exclaimed and rushed out of the room.

Victor stared after him with his mouth open.

Yuuri was wearing an apron and nothing else.

His hand reached out for the book and he put a checkmark on page 291.

Yuuri returned with two forks, several napkins and a triumphant grin.

Victor wanted every day of his life to be like this one and he wondered if there was a god he could pray to who would grant him this wish.

After the best breakfast in the world, Victor had to come down to Earth and become a figure skating coach once more, which meant remembering about his pupil.

They were on their way to the skating rink when Victor remembered, “Did you find the envelope I put in your bouquet?”

An emotion flashed across Yuuri’s face too fast for Victor to interpret and then he smiled, “Yes, of course!”

“Will you come?”

“Of course I will!”

The arena appeared ahead of them and Victor walked slower, wishing to prolong their time alone by just a little longer. “I’m glad,” he said. “Obviously, it’s not my Final,” _no matter what the press says, _“but you helped me so much.”

“But I didn’t do anything!” Yuuri protested.

_You were my shield from everything unpleasant in this world, _he thought, but he couldn’t say the words aloud. He wasn’t sure they made sense and, then, how could he explain to Yuuri that every time someone said or did something horrible to him he pictured Yuuri to keep his emotions under control?

“You did,” Victor countered, but didn’t elaborate.

They stopped in front of the arena and exchanged a long kiss.

“I’m going to write about last night,” Yuuri whispered. “I’ll sit in the back somewhere.”

Victor gave a happy nod. “I look forward to reading it,” he declared and they exchanged another kiss.

When Victor got the ticket for the Grand Prix Final for Yuuri, he hadn’t been sure if he would be able to make it. Was Yuuri allowed to ask for specific days off? Victor had no idea. All he knew with any certainty was that he wanted Yuuri to be there at the Final with him.

A week later Yuuri confirmed that he would be there.

Victor rejoiced. Perhaps it would’ve been better if the Final was scheduled to take place in a romantic city like Paris, but he was willing to settle for Moscow.

Before he knew it, the Final was upon them.

Victor and Yuri took the overnight train together this time. Victor couldn’t sleep a wink the whole night long. He worried about Yuri. He worried about what would happen if Yuri lost in the Final. The boy, normally so calm before a competition, hadn’t landed a single jump in their last day of practice.

Victor worried about Yuuri. He’d forgotten to make him food to take home the last time they’d met. Was Yuuri eating well, or did he fall back into his bad habits?

He glanced at his watch. They had to be getting close to Moscow now. He turned over and stared out the window, but it was too dark outside to see anything.

He closed his eyes and tried to daydream about Yuuri. But instead of that, his mind went back to worrying about him. Was Yuuri working too hard? Was he eating properly? Was he getting enough sleep?

Victor sighed. It was no use.

He got up and started to get ready.

“Are we arriving already?” Yuri’s voice cut through the darkness.

Victor turned to face him. “Did I wake you up?”

“No. I couldn’t sleep,” Yuri confessed.

“Neither could I,” Victor admitted and mentally thanked their luck that it was only the two of them in a compartment meant for four people. “I can’t help worrying about Yuuri.” He bit his lip and wondered too late if he should be telling his pupil any of this.

“Why?”

“Because he works too hard and doesn’t eat properly,” Victor explained, sitting down on the free bottom bunk, facing Yuri. “I made food for him one time, enough to last him a few days, but I forgot to do it last time we met.”

Yuri sat up. “He’s an adult. Can’t he just feed himself?”

“He can,” Victor conceded. “But he doesn’t and I enjoy taking care of him anyway.”

“You do?” Yuri asked in surprise.

“Yes,” Victor confirmed. “It’s hard to explain why. You have to experience it for yourself, I think.”

Yuri said nothing in response.

Victor wished he could describe the feeling better, but couldn’t think of anything other than, “That’s how love is.” He said the words out loud and then considered their meaning himself.

“It’s almost 6,” Yuri said, checking the time on his phone and dropping the subject entirely.

“Right.”

They packed their things and got ready to get off the train.

Victor took a spot by a window and stared out, trying to catch a glimpse of the platform and of Yuuri.

In a few minutes, he got his wish. The man stood, looking sleepy and tired and Victor wondered if he’d slept enough the night before.

The train came to a stop and Victor hurried to get off, remembering a little late that he had a pupil to look after this time. He stopped and turned to make sure Yuri was following him when someone caught him from behind.

“I missed you!” Yuuri exclaimed.

Victor turned his head and caught a kiss.

Yuuri released him and walked over to Yuri with his arms outstretched, but Yuri glared at him and Yuuri lowered his arms. “You must be hungry,” he said to both of them. “Breakfast is waiting for you!”

“As if I’m coming with you!” Yuri grumbled.

Another person joined them then and Victor recognized Yuri’s grandfather. “Good morning –”

“Grandpa!” Yuri shouted, catching the old man in a hug so tight it looked painful.

“Good morning, Yurochka,” Mr. Plisetsky said with a laugh. “Good morning, Victor.” They shook hands as Yuri clung on to his grandfather.

Victor put an arm around Yuuri. “This is my boyfriend, Yuuri.” He didn’t hesitate this time and was very proud of himself for this smooth introduction.

“Good morning,” Yuuri said with a touch of formality. “I was hoping you would all come have breakfast at my apartment,” he added, his attention turning to Yuri. “And then, if you wish, you can go with your grandfather.”

Yuri looked ready to argue, but his grandfather spoke up first, “Only if we won’t be too much trouble.”

“Of course you won’t!” Yuuri smiled in that beautiful way of his that knocked the breath out of Victor and scrambled all his thoughts. How could anyone look at that smile and not feel anything?

There was no arguing with that smile.

Victor felt a touch of pride that he couldn’t quite explain. When Yuuri took his suitcase and bag from him and led the way to his car and then drove them to his apartment, Victor was on the verge of exclaiming “that’s my Yuuri!”

Yuri and his grandfather took a different car, which gave Victor the freedom to flirt with Yuuri.

The trip didn’t take very long and Victor had to contend himself with putting a hand on Yuuri’s shoulder for most of it. When they finally pulled into the parking lot in front of Yuuri’s apartment, he let his hand rest on Yuuri’s thigh.

Yuuri turned his head and caught a long kiss as he squeezed Victor’s hand between his thighs.

“Let’s go,” Yuuri whispered and there was that devilish spark in his eyes that made it impossible to argue with anything he said.

Victor followed Yuuri out of the car, ready to follow him to the ends of the world, if the man asked him to.

They were joined by Yuri and his grandfather and all four of them climbed the stairs to Yuuri’s apartment.

As promised, the table in the living room was set for four people. Yuuri sat them all down and played the part of a perfect host.

Victor filled with more pride for Yuuri.

Once breakfast was over, Yuuri offered to prepare a bed for Yuri, but the boy turned it down.

“I’ll make sure he gets some rest before the competition,” Mr. Plisetsky promised.

The grandfather and his grandson made for the door and Yuuri followed them out of the room. Victor trailed behind him without thinking.

“You’re always welcome here,” Yuuri said, looking first at Yuri and then at his grandfather. “Good luck, Yuri! I will come cheer for you!”

Yuri turned away without a word.

His grandfather caught Yuuri in a hug. “Thank you so much!”

Victor watched it all, as if from a great distance. He murmured his goodbyes, shook hands with Yuri’s grandfather and watched the door close behind them.

“I should’ve asked what Yuri likes to eat. He barely touched his food,” Yuuri worried. “Or maybe it’s just my cooking.”

Victor caught him in a kiss. He pushed Yuuri against the first available wall and slid one hand over Yuuri’s inner thigh.

Yuuri moved his legs close together, catching Victor’s hand between his thighs again.

Victor let his hand slide up.

Yuuri broke the kiss and let out a loud gasp.

And then, as if in a blink of an eye, Victor was at the Final with his pupil standing out on the ice before him. He had to say something encouraging and inspiring, but no words came to mind.

He fought the urge to search for Yuuri in the crowd. What would he say in this situation? “I want to see your best skate,” Victor told Yuri. “If you make any mistakes, we’ll go over them afterwards to prepare you for the Nationals, so don’t think about them now. Remember about Agape. If you don’t show it in your skate, all of your jumps will be meaningless.”

For a moment, Yuri looked ready to argue, but then he pursed his lips and turned away.

“Next on the ice –”

“Go, Yuri!” Victor urged him on.

He skated out onto the middle of the ice, his costume sparkling under the lights. It was one of Victor’s old skating costumes.

Victor worried. Had he done all he could? Did he give Yuri enough attention? What if he missed something important?

The music began and Yuri let the melody guide his steps. His face relaxed and a faint smile appeared on his lips. His movements became gentle and Victor’s mouth opened in amazement.

Here was Agape.

Victor watched Yuri go into his first jump and clutched his hands tightly. Yuri landed and kept moving. It was as if someone else had taken Yuri’s place, someone much gentler than Victor’s pupil.

Victor’s head turned and he spotted Yuuri in the audience. The man watched with his hands raised to his face.

Victor forced his eyes back to the skating rink. He was Yuri’s coach. He had to remember that.

His heart beat fast in his chest and his mind filled with thoughts of Yuuri. He tried to focus on his pupil’s skate, but all he could think about was Yuuri, how good it felt to be together with him and about everything they had together.

The skate ended and Yuri bowed to the audience.

What did Yuuri think? Did he like it?

“Yuri!” Victor shouted to his pupil, trying to think only of the skater out on the ice. He joined the applause and rushed over to the kiss and cry to rejoin his pupil.

He waited for Yuri to sit down on the bench before saying, “That was Agape.”

Yuri sat with his head lowered. He gave a short nod, as if he’d been told off.

Victor wanted to say more. He was proud of his pupil. He’d given Yuri a difficult program and he was happy to see that he’d mastered it so well.

They sat in heavy silence as if Yuri had failed completely in his skating and then he said in a low voice. “I was only showing on the ice what I saw you and the other Yuuri do.”

Victor’s mouth opened.

Yuri continued to look away, as if not daring to meet Victor’s eye. “You show it all the time. Agape,” the last word came out in a barely audible whisper.

And then the marks went up and the crowd gave a loud roar, as if all those individual people turned into one giant beast.

Victor opened his mouth and, again, he was lost for what to say.

“Incredible! Yuri Plisetsky broke the world record!” the commentator declared, stealing Victor’s chance to speak.

_The world record, _my _world record, _Victor realized. And then he knew that the thought didn’t trouble him in the slightest. His days out on the competitive ice were over.

Around him, everyone celebrated as if Yuri’s victor was a holiday. Victor’s mind took him far from this spot, back to the time when he’d gotten injured, when his whole life had turned inside out.

_He sat on the hospital bed, the blankets clutched tightly in his hands, and waited for the doctor to give him his verdict. Lots of people recovered from injuries, Victor told himself. It took a lot of time and patience, but it was possible. It always was._

_The doctor stood before him with Victor’s papers in his hands. He was an elderly man, but there was lots of energy in his eyes. He set Victor’s papers aside and looked Victor straight in the eye. “You are a lucky young man,” he began. “Had the break in your bone been in a slightly different place, I doubt I would’ve been able to repair it.”_

_Victor smiled. “Doctor, I don’t know how to thank –”_

_“You don’t need to,” the doctor cut him off in solemn tones that surprised Victor. “I did everything modern medicine can. I fixed your leg and, with time, you will be able to walk. You will be able to run and jump, but you won’t be able to skate, not competitively I mean. I’ve treated athletes with your kind of injury before.” The doctor sighed. “Don’t try to push yourself. Please, accept what I’m telling you and retire from figure skating.”_

_“Retire?” he echoed, the meaning of the words not getting through to him._

_“Yes,” his doctor confirmed and then turned around and walked out of the room, leaving Victor alone with his horrible verdict._

_The cut on Victor’s leg healed and, in time, just as the doctor had said, Victor learned to walk again. It was painful at first, but he pushed on. In a couple of weeks, he went out onto the ice and learned how to skate all over again. It wasn’t easy, but he managed to do it._

The doctor was wrong, _Victor thought. _I can skate again. I don’t need to retire.

_And then he tried to jump quads._

_At first, it was as if he was relearning how to walk, or how to skate, but soon he learned the truth of his doctor’s words. He couldn’t compete again. Oh, perhaps, he could go easy on himself and put together a program that was less demanding than his programs usually were, but that meant no quads and no quads meant no chance for a medal. Victor Nikiforov couldn’t compete with no quads. Victor Nikiforov couldn’t take the easy way out of anything._

_He had no choice: he was forced to retire._

_Victor wasn’t ready for retirement. He didn’t know what to do with himself and he couldn’t imagine a life filled with something other than figure skating._

_And then Yuri came along…_

“Let’s go, coach,” Yuri grumbled, nudging Victor in the elbow. For a moment, Victor thought Yuri would take him by the arm.

“I’m proud of you, Yuri.”

“Yeah, whatever.” He released Victor and walked away.

Only one skater came close to Yuri’s score, but even he couldn’t break the new world record.

After the competition Victor reunited with Yuuri and Yuri’s grandfather and all four of them held a little celebration that evening.

Two days later, Yuri won the free skate segment as well and took the gold medal.

Victor watched his pupil walk over for his medal and wait patiently for someone to hang it around his neck. Armed with his medal, he walked over to the podium and climbed it.

First place.

Victor felt tears rise to his eyes. _No, I haven’t left competitive skating. I’m still here. I can still participate._

“You must be very proud,” Yuuri said beside him. “He was so amazing! I couldn’t hold my tears back after the short program!”

Victor nodded, not turning his head. “He _is_ amazing and I’m very proud.”

“Victor,” another voice called and he recognized it as belonging to his coach. He lowered his eyes and worried about the words he would hear next. “I’m very proud of you.”

His head turned and he saw the expression of sadness on his old coach’s face. There was a smile on his lips, but Victor doubted whether it could fool anyone. He clapped Victor on the shoulder. “After this, more people will come to you, asking you to be their coach.”

Victor took Yuuri’s hand, making brief eye contact with him before facing his coach once more. “Let them come,” he said.

How many skaters would come? How many pupils could he take? The questions came to him then, but they didn’t linger in his mind. He could worry about them later. There was something more urgent and more important for him to worry about now.

He stared at his and Yuuri’s intertwined fingers and thought about his pupil’s words about Agape. In the past few days, he’d realized something very important and it was time he told Yuuri.


	12. Yuuri

When Yuuri opened the envelope Victor had hidden in the bouquet and found that instead of a confession it held a ticket to the Grand Prix Final, a feeling of great disappointment came over him. He spent what felt like an eternity agonizing over his feelings and wondering if Victor felt the same way. At last, he gave up and promised himself he’d confess the first chance he got.

He didn’t want to say anything around other people and so he waited until they were all alone before he said the words.

_“I love you.”_

And everything between them changed even while remaining the same as it had been.

Yuri had been amazing out on the ice. It was hard to believe (or, at least, Yuuri found it hard to believe) that he was only 15. He watched older skaters make mistakes, or not make any, and end up with not enough points to compete with Yuri.

He watched Victor’s face during the medal ceremony. This was his accomplishment too. No one could argue with that.

_You’re incredible, _Yuuri thought. _I don’t think I’ve appreciated enough just how incredible you are._

He’d found the time over the past few days to watch every video of Victor skating he could find. Then he watched several videos the skater had posted himself.

_“Hi, everyone!” Victor gave the camera an enthusiastic wave. “I hope you all had a good summer! I wanted to give you a sneak preview of my programs this figure skating season!”_

Yuuri saved every video he found. Whenever he came home after a long and tiring shift, he would pull out a video and watch it. The videos would create the illusion that Victor was there with him, for which he was very grateful.

And now that he was with Victor he couldn’t get enough of him. He watched the man almost every minute. He watched Victor accept praise from an old man he recognized from Victor’s videos as Yakov Feltsman, Victor’s old coach. He watched a flustered smile appear on Victor’s face and not know how to react to the praise. He watched Victor keep his eyes fixed on his pupil as his old coach left him to go talk to someone else.

“I don’t think I know what would’ve happened to me, if it hadn’t been for him,” Victor said in a voice so low that Yuuri could barely make out the words.

All Yuuri could see of Victor’s face was his profile. He couldn’t look away as if the sight hypnotized him.

“After my injury, I couldn’t go back to competing. I didn’t know what to do with myself. Yuri was the one who saved me from that.” A sad smile appeared on Victor’s face. “He came up to me one morning as I was watching other skaters train and demanded that I become his coach.”

Yuuri stepped close to Victor and took his hand.

Victor turned his head and met Yuuri’s eye at last. He didn’t say anything. What else needed to be said at a moment like this?

After the medal ceremony, Victor took Yuri aside and told him something in a low voice.

Yuri nodded and met Yuuri’s eye.

They went their separate ways after that and Victor joined Yuuri with the warning, “Now comes the press conference.”

Press conference. The words would’ve surprised Yuuri a few months ago, but now he knew that figure skaters were treated a bit like celebrities.

The press cornered them 20 minutes later. To Yuuri’s amazement, every single one of them was interested in _him_. They wanted to know his name, how long he’d known Victor for, what he did for a living and what he thought about Victor’s skating.

Yuuri turned his head and met Victor’s eye. “Yuri’s skating was very amazing. It’s proof of his hard work and the good coaching he’s getting.” He took Victor’s arm. “Please excuse us,” he said and led Victor away, doing his best not to break out into a run.

He was suddenly terrified that if he stayed any longer, he’d say something wrong.

As soon as they were out of sight and earshot of the press, Yuuri asked Victor, “Where do we go now?”

They turned to face each other and Yuuri saw the glow in Victor’s eyes.

“That was amazing!” he exclaimed.

“Not really,” Yuuri argued. “I just wasn’t feeling very comfortable around them and I thought it would be a good idea to get away before I did or said the wrong thing.”

Victor had no argument to make against this. “Let’s go, Yuuri,” he said after a brief silence.

“Go where?” He couldn’t explain why, but Victor’s tone made it sound as if he meant to leave the Arena entirely.

“I was thinking we could go to the Red Square,” Victor answered, taking Yuuri’s hand.

“But what about the banquet?” Yuuri asked. Had he misunderstood something? Hadn’t Victor told him that there would be a banquet that evening that they were expected to attend?

“I talked to Yuri about it. Yakov will keep an eye on him. I think he needs to be there without me,” Victor explained. “I don’t want to be at the centre of attention. After all, I’m just a coach.”

“An _amazing_ coach,” Yuuri corrected him.

Victor laughed. “And a good boyfriend too, I hope.”

“Definitely!” Yuuri exclaimed and pulled Victor close.

They exchanged a long kiss that made Yuuri’s heart beat faster.

Yuuri broke the kiss and they stared into each other’s eyes.

“Come skating with me, Yuuri,” Victor whispered.

Yuuri blushed. “I’m – I’m not very good at skating. I haven’t skated for more than ten years. I’m probably really awful.”

“That’s fine,” Victor assured him. He leaned in and rubbed his nose against Yuuri’s. “That’s not important,” he whispered.

Yuuri pressed his cheek against Victor’s and they held each other close. “I love you,” he whispered.

A shudder passed over Victor’s body.

_I have to stop, _Yuuri thought, _or we won’t make it to the ice rink. I think he really wants to go._

Every year in the winter months a skating rink would be set up on the Red Square. The towers of the Kremlin rose on one side, the magnificent GUM building rose on the other.

Lights adorned the façade of the GUM and the trees around the rink. There was a big crowd out on the ice and all of them were going around in a giant slow circle, filling the air with excited screams and sudden bursts of laughter.

Yuuri froze, hypnotized by the sight before him. He watched kids go by, followed by their worried parents. Here and there couples drifted over the ice, lost in each other’s eyes.

“Let’s go, Yuuri,” Victor whispered. “I’ve always wanted to do this.”

Yuuri turned his head and met Victor’s eye. “I can’t skate,” he insisted, the image of those happy couples lodged firmly in his mind.

“I’ll teach you,” Victor promised. Then, seeing the doubt in Yuuri’s eyes, he caught Yuuri by the hands and gave them a little squeeze. “Please let me teach you,” he whispered, leaning in until their foreheads touched.

There was no way he could argue with that, so Yuuri nodded.

They rented two pairs of skates and shuffled out onto the ice. Victor had a thick woolen hat down over his ears with a scarf around his neck, both of which he used to hide his features to avoid being recognized.

Yuuri stepped out onto the ice and nearly fell on his face right away.

Victor caught him just in time.

“You don’t want to deal with this,” Yuuri protested. “How awkward is this? The top figure skater in the world has a boyfriend who can’t even stand in skates!”

Victor pulled him in for a kiss and Yuuri nearly lost his balance a second time.

“Come on,” Victor urged him, stepping back. “You’ll be a pro in no time!”

Yuuri laughed and took Victor’s hands. Victor skated backwards and pulled Yuuri after him.

“Bend your knees and move your feet,” Victor instructed. “Don’t be scared. You won’t fall: I won’t let you.”

Only then did Yuuri notice that a slow romantic tune was playing over the speakers.

Yuuri wished he could skate. If only he could move gracefully next to Victor! Then they’d be able to enjoy this moment properly, instead of suffering.

_“Speak softly love, so no one hears us but the sky,” _the singer began, accompanied by a famous tune.

Yuuri raised his head and met Victor’s eye.

For several minutes the world took a step back out of his consciousness, leaving only him and Victor in the universe. All he could see were Victor’s beautiful blue eyes.

“Yuuri…”

He felt that same pull that always came when he looked at Victor and tried to close the distance between them.

“Hey! Watch it!” someone shouted and then swore.

Victor collided with someone. Yuuri lost his balance and they both tumbled onto the ice.

Yuuri scrambled up right away. “Victor, I’m so sorry!” His feet refused to obey him and he tumbled back down. He tried to get up again, but all with no luck. “Did I hurt you?” he asked while still trying to climb off Victor.

Victor lay on the ice and laughed.

“Look I – I told you I can’t – I’m sorry, I –” Yuuri stammered out.

Victor went on laughing. He rested his hands on Yuuri’s back and held him in place. “Oh, Yuuri!” he exclaimed and continued to laugh.

There was no way to resist that and Yuuri found his face breaking into a grin.

But when at last Victor did release him, he still found it impossible to get up to his feet. Taking great care with his feet, he moved off Victor and sat down on the ice.

Victor sprang up with ease and pulled Yuuri up to his feet.

This time they went around the rink arm in arm. All of Yuuri’s focus was concentrated on his feet as he did his best to remain upright.

“I love you,” Victor whispered into his ear and pressed his lips against Yuuri’s cheek.

“I want to spend all night together with you,” Yuuri whispered back. “Even if it means going around on this rink together and fighting to stay upright.” He wanted to spend all eternity with Victor, but, for some reason, he couldn’t say the words.

Victor laughed. It was a gentle sound and filled Yuuri with a lot of joy. “I booked a night for us in a hotel,” he admitted after a while. “Let’s make tonight special.”

“Which hotel?” Yuuri asked and then knew the answer as soon as the words were out of his mouth.

“The one where we met, of course!” came the reply Yuuri was expecting. “Let’s make a – a formal date of it,” Victor added and his voice trembled.

_Oh dear god, yes, please._

He could see the excitement and anticipation in Victor’s eyes and the same feeling filled his chest. His heart beat fast.

They circled around as they made their plans. They would split up and then meet again in the hotel, they decided. Victor promised to text Yuuri when he was ready and made Yuuri promise not to arrive early.

Yuuri watched Victor blush and smiled. He didn’t have to say the word “roleplay” for Yuuri to understand what this was about.

He strolled away down the street, his phone in his hand so he wouldn’t miss the moment Victor’s text came.

Around him the buildings were all decorated for New Year’s. He paused at a display window of a big store to admire the way someone had arranged a pile of presents. A tall New Year’s tree rose beside the presents, covered in ornaments that glowed and sparkled in the light.

Victor’s birthday was only a few days away. Yuuri had to get something special for him, a present unlike any other Victor had ever received. Yuuri bit his lip and tried to think of something suitable. What would Victor want? Maybe something custom-made like a –

His phone buzzed.

_I’m ready, _Victor texted.

Yuuri imagined Victor sprawled out on his bed, wearing nothing and waiting impatiently for him. He turned and rushed back to the hotel. He’d have to think about the present another time.

Snow began to all, but Yuuri didn’t even notice it. When the cold wind picked up, he didn’t even button up his coat. His blood flowed fast.

Victor was waiting for him. There would be another night for him to write about in his notebook.

He sped up.

Would he know which room Victor was in? Did he get the same room as last time? He was Victor, of course he got the same room again!

Yuuri thought back to their first meeting. They’d only known each other for four months, but it felt like it had been years. It felt like forever.

The hotel building loomed in front of him and he remembered how tired and hungry he’d been that day. He’d considered not coming. He almost hadn’t come.

If he’d lingered a few minutes more at work, or if he’d left earlier by just a little bit, he would’ve never met Victor. The thought was too troubling to think about. Instead, he forced himself to relive that day, to remember how he’d followed Victor into the elevator, thinking how handsome the tall stranger in front of him was.

This was that very same elevator, wasn’t it? He stood in front of it, ignoring the other two elevators on either side of him.

He pressed the button, calling all three elevators down at once and hoping to get the one he was thinking of as his and Victor’s.

The doors in front of him opened with a soft “ding!” and he stepped inside. The doors closed behind him as Yuuri stared at his surroundings, confused by what he was seeing.

The elevator was filled with flowers on all sides. Two bouquets, taller and bigger than all the others, stood on either side of the doors. A little table took up one corner. Dishes filled with fruits and cheese stood around a champagne bottle. Victor stood next to the table with a smile on his face.

He made a step towards Yuuri and caught both of his hands with his own. “Exactly four months ago, I met a special someone here who filled my life with happiness,” Victor began. “I know it’s only been four months, but I feel like I’ve known you for years.”

Yuuri watched Victor drop to one knee. _I can’t believe it! He’s actually going to…!_

“Will you marry me?” Victor asked. “I’m prepared to wait for a little while, if you want. I’ll move to Moscow and I’m sure that Yuri won’t mind coming here so I can keep training him. The two of us can live together for a year and if your feelings for me don’t change, we can get married then.” He stared up into Yuuri’s eyes. “I know I’m just a retired skater with a bad leg, but I promise to look after you for the rest of my life. What do you say?”

Yuuri smiled. “You’re the handsomest man I’ve ever met. You have the kindest heart and the best laugh.”

Victor opened his mouth, but Yuuri put his hand over it, not letting him interrupt.

“My residency will end soon and then I’m going to find work in St. Petersburg. I like it more than Moscow and I heard that they need surgeons there.” He took his hand off Victor’s mouth and knelt down, bringing their mouths very close. “Will you take me?”

“Yes!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another fic finished! I can't believe it!
> 
> This one was so much fun to write and I enjoyed reading all your comments! Thank you so much for your support everyone!
> 
> Tune in next time for a big Halloween party where a werewolf and a vampire meet each other and do other silly things their families probably won't approve of. (Hopefully to be posted before Halloween and hopefully with more than one chapter.)


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